URGENT Prayers

This situation continues to become so dark. Her actions aren’t making sense….until this morning and it is going to take an act of God to turn her heart.

We believe we are dealing with a case of human trafficking. Based on her actions & responses to our solutions to her “problems”, this is the only thing that makes sense.

There is a spiritual war over the soul of this innocent child and all we can do is plead the blood of Jesus over this child for his safety. Plead the blood of Jesus over this woman & that she would not be able to go through with this.

Please pray and get every prayer warrior you know to pray.

It’s all for His glory

Telling Emily (adoption agency) what I told her was so freeing. Yesterday & today have been so incredibly hard, waiting. The waiting was physically affecting me today to where I was having to tell myself to breath so I wouldn’t have a panic attack or literally go insane. (I know that sounds crazy, but that is where I was.)

Telling Emily not to call unless she has signed made “the wait” disappear and there was instantaneous peace. I was able to get up, go out and see my children & somewhat feel human again.

The pain is deep and it is hard to make sense of anything. But there are a few things I know.

I was dreading the “48 hour wait” more than anything with this adoption process. Having done this 3 other times, I remember clearly the agony the waiting is. Apart from waiting on news about the health of one of my children, family or friends, I cannot imagine anything more agonizing to wait on! It is pure emotional torture.

I hoped God would allow the signing to be a smooth, easy process, but at the same time, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that it wouldn’t be.

Why?

Because with this current scenario, we are pretty much in a situation where we are at the mercy of God to ACT on behalf of this innocent child and intervene and DO ANOTHER MIRACLE to place him in our home.

I may know THAT but I am NOT God and ultimately I DON’T know what God’s plan is for this child and our family. Maybe He is going to use these crazy worldly circumstances to intervene in a way that we will all clearly know GOD is GOD. Or maybe He has another plan for our family that we are unaware of today.

Either way, I can guarantee you this: God will receive the glory!!!

If there is anything I have learned over the past decade from the moment my dream of pregnancy was stripped away, it is that God uses our trials and tribulations in this broken world to bring Himself Glory so that others may come to know and trust in Him as well.

And where does this leave little ol’ me? I am a complete disaster today, for certain, but ultimately I know my place in this: surrender. And, I am getting there, slowly but surely.

God is either going to perform another miracle in bringing THIS baby to us OR He is going to show Dave & myself a new direction. You better believe I have begged God not to hand me the “failed adoption” card, but ultimately, I want His will.

That’s what surrender is all about. I can’t see where this is going right now, but I KNOW God is faithful and, no matter what happens today or next week or never, BIG THINGS ARE COMING.

God hasn’t brought us this far to drop us on our heads. He will show me the way through this trial just like He has always done in the past.

We wait on the LORD.

Over

She is MIA once again and not following through with the plans she makes. We have told our agency not to call us again UNLESS she has actually signed. The emotional turmoil is too much and, at this point, we are assuming this is not our child.

Urgent Prayers

We are in the middle of major drama.

Major drama is when God can best receive glory, so we are waiting on the Lord and trusting in Him in this time.

Please pray for everyone involved.

Blog Name & Prayers Needed

I wrote all the names on our white board.DSC03684

You will notice some that were not on the comments of the other post. Those came to me through text messages.

Dave & Little Bug voted for Cowboy while Sweet Pea & I voted for Beau.

Then, Sarge was the tie breaker. I laid out the vanilla toy ice cream cone (Beau) and the strawberry toy ice cream cone (Cowboy) and told him to get one.

He picked vanilla!

(This was my attempt to chase him down and get a picture of him with the vanilla ice cream)DSC03688

So Baby 4’s blog name will be…

BEAU!!!!

A dear friend text me the idea of “Beau”. It stands for Beauty because God has taken ashes and made beauty in more ways than one during this journey.

Please step up your prayers for us this coming week and pray for a peaceful process.

I will be back with an update as soon as I can.

This is the baby doll I bought when we were waiting for Sweet Pea. I would tell Little Bug I had to “feed the baby”, “change the baby” to get her used to the idea that I would have to care for the baby as well as her. I brought it out again last week and started doing the same with Sarge. This boy is a big Mama’s boy and he isn’t so sure about this baby doll, although he loves to crawl up in the chair with me while I am “feeding” the doll. Then he proceeds to stick his little finger in the doll’s nose and eyes. That’s a promising interaction right there!

DSC03710

I keep referring to this baby doll as “his baby”. Even at under two years old, I want him to know Baby Beau will be our baby to love and hold.

Baby 4 Blog Name

I’m stumped!

What should Baby 4’s blog name be??

For those that do not know, I do not use the real names of my children on the blog.

We have:

Little Bug

Sweet Pea

Sarge

What should Baby 4’s name be?

(It is a boy)

steadfast love & faithfulness

Hello. I did not intend to write this story at a snail’s pace, but that is where life has me right now. Baby prep is done (that was the month of June) and now I am hoping to get more of the story written and published before baby is born this month.

For tonight, I am just here to write about something that has been on my heart over the past couple of days.

Every morning, my alarm goes off at 7am and I reach over and turn it off and then I reach for my headphones, plug them into my cellphone and turn on the Bible app. Since my Bible study at church is on summer break, I have been listening to the Psalms over and over and over again. The app will read to me, so I lay there listening to the Psalms for about half an hour before getting out of bed for the day.

One morning this week it hit me like a ton of bricks how many times the Psalms mention “the steadfast love of the Lord” and “His faithfulness endures forever”.

If we can’t find HOPE in those words that are repeated over and over and over again in the Word of God, I don’t know where we can find hope.

Waiting to adopt a baby – even when it is your 4th – is never an easy process and those words made my heart soar when I had been in a low place.

If I just stop and reflect on the past decade of my life which includes meeting and marrying Dave, going through infertility, adopting our two daughters, going through the devastating circumstances that lead me to believe my marriage was over, walking through the restoration of my marriage and rebuilding it from nothing to what it is today and adopting our first son in the midst of all that…and now standing on the brink of bringing a 4th child into our family.

If you’ve read this blog long enough, you know I have always desired to mother 4 children, but none of this was ever about little ol’ me and my desires.

In fact, all along the way, God has asked me to lay down my desires at His feet.

I constantly hear people talking about trying to figure out “God’s Will”. I remember as a teenager desperately desiring to figure out what “God’s Will is for my life”. I didn’t want to mess up, but I didn’t quite know what it meant to “do God’s Will”.

The past decade has lead me through some pretty tough and desperate times. I’ve come to the end of myself multiple times and realized I wasn’t anymore in control of my life than I am in control of the sun rising every morning. I found myself in circumstances that seemed hopeless. Infertility and infidelity leave you feeling empty.

All I had was my faith in Jesus Christ.

Every time life brought me to a desperate situation, God whispered in my heart that I needed to surrender.

We don’t like to surrender because surrendering means giving up control of our lives. Even if it is a false sense, we like to believe we are in control of our lives. When tragedy strikes we quickly learn we are not in control and we are at the mercy of our circumstances.

It is in that place we can chose to continue to rely on ourself or we can choose to put our faith in God.

When we choose to put our faith in God, we then have to choose to surrender to His Will and I can guarantee you His Will is going to look different than what you desire.

Why is that?

It is through desperate and hopeless situations that God can show us Himself!

A decade ago, I was in my mid-20’s with all my hopes and dreams staring me in the face. I was a 4th grade teacher at a local elementary school, but what I really desired to be was a wife and mother. God brought me Dave is early 2006 and that was step one to all my dreams coming true. All I had to do next was get married and then the babies could start coming.

Except they did not.

Oh how many times I cried in the dead of the night, “Why, Lord??? All I want to do is be a mother! Why would you allow me, of all people, to be infertile?”

It made no sense in those desperate days.

A decade later, I see why every day in the faces of my 3 children.

This was never about meThat is what I see most right now.

All the muck I had to tramp through to get to where I am today has brought glory to God.

I am a barren woman, but I am also the mother of 3, almost 4, children.

My marriage was doomed to end, but instead it is stronger than it has ever been.

You can’t read this blog and hear the testimony of my life over the past decade without seeing the steadfast love of the Lord and His faithfulness written in every single circumstance.

God took my barrenness and did what only He could do…for His glory.

God took my broken marriage and restored it…for His glory.

It was never about me; it was always about Him receiving glory in and through my circumstances. That took surrender on my part and then God did the rest.

His steadfast love and His faithfulness humble me and make me thankful for it all.

Tonight, if you are in the middle of the muck of life, if you find yourself in a hopeless situation and you are crying out to God “why?”, surrender it all to Him and then stand back in great expectation of what God will do for His glory.

Let the steadfast love of the Lord and His faithfulness overtake your life. Get yourself out of the way so God can do His work in and through your life – no matter your circumstances – for His glory.