July has been one busy month because …

… my cousin Vanessa was in town for a visit the first week of July.

… we went on vacation to the mountains.

… my cousin, Cristina and her husband, Marcio, were in town this past week.

BUT it’s been a GREAT month because of so much time spent with family!

When family is in town, we stay with my parents because it is just easier to stay with them rather than drive back and forth between their house and ours every day in order to visit the family in town. Plus, we can put Little Bug to bed on time and still have more time to visit with family.

We’ve been gone now for almost two weeks (a week in the mountains and then a week with my parents). Tomorrow we are going home and it will be good to get home, get unpacked (I am tired of living in a suitcase!) and get back to our normal routine.

I have several goals I want to achieve with Little Bug starting in August:

• Establish a new schedule/routine with her. She really isn’t off her schedule (even with all the traveling & being away from home!) but I really really really want to find a solution to the nap problem that has been going on since she turned one. I might attempt dropping the morning nap and seeing how things go. Although, today we skipped the morning nap because of a birthday party. After we got back to my parents’ house I laid her down for a nap and she took the usual 1.5 hour nap. She wasn’t her normal self as the evening wore on, so I don’t think one nap is going to cut it quite yet. (Unless she started taking a 2-3 hour nap in the afternoon, which she did not do today.) I will be SO HAPPY when we pass this phase and figure things out!
• Start doing Independent Playtime (IP) with Little Bug. I’ll probably write a post soon about IP but I’ll just say this for now… I admit when I read about IP in the babywise book when Little Bug was a newborn I thought IP was for the birds, not babies. However, now that I have a 14 month old that will hardly ever play independently and relies on Mama’s 24/7 entertainment, I am seeing the reason behind IP and I can see that Little Bug (and myself) will benefit from the skills babies/toddlers learn from doing daily independent playtime. So, I plan to start implementing some IP into Little Bug’s daily routine.
• Continue work on manners! Overall, Little Bug is doing GREAT with her manners. Like Babywise says, I see her pitching the fits only when she has not had enough sleep!

Until we get settled back in at home I’ll leave you with this:

My big girl eating her dinner with a fork for the first time tonight at dinner!

We are home from the mountains! Here are some of my favorite pictures from the trip:

I have pictures of me playing on this same bridge when I was a little girl.

I have no idea what the “angry eyes” are about in this picture… My uncle was making elephant noises in an attempt to get Little Bug to smile. Perhaps she was just trying to figure out what in the world he was doing.

Great is the faithfulness of God!

We went to a BBQ restaurant where there were fiddlers playing and singing while you ate. Do you think Little Bug got out on the dance floor?

Why of course she did and so did her Uncle!

Annual picture at the Prayer Garden

Little Bug had so much fun with her Mimaw

I love how Little Bug is looking up at her Grandma in this picture!

Dave and I went on a date one afternoon!

Bathtime! 

This field is where I took my first steps when I was 13 months old. I was hoping Little Bug would take her first steps there but she’s been walking now for almost 2 months already!

And my little dog, Pup, who just turned five years old.

We had a FABULOUS week as usual!

We’re here!!

Mountains 2009

Bryan went home to Jesus around 3pm today.

Please lift Joy, Benjamin and Timothy up in prayer.

This is going to be a bullets post because I’ve got many topics to cover.

• Bryan is the same. No brain activity and on life support. It is just heartbreaking. Please continue to lift him up in prayer. Pray for Joy and that God would give her a strength only He can give.
• Baby Sunshine’s biological father did not show up to court. Another court date has been set for August 5th. The termination of parental rights will happen that day whether he shows up or not. God is moving in the direction of allowing Jeremy and Laura to adopt Baby Sunshine. Please keep praying for God’s will in this precious baby’s life.
• We (Dave, Little Bug and I) are headed to the mountains for vacation on Saturday! It is our annual family vacation. My parents and brother will leave Thursday to go. Little Bug’s Mimaw (my aunt) will also be there. We are looking forward to a wonderful week. Things may be quiet on the blog next week as my internet access is very limited there.
• Naps continue to be a battle around here. We are going on 7 weeks of a weird napping phase. In the past we have had a weird napping period – but it has never lasted more than a week or two (except month 6, which was a really tough month in the napping department). The main difference now is that Little Bug used to lay down for naps with no fuss once I sleep trained her. Now, she cries and fusses for a time before eventually falling asleep and lengths of naps are all over the map! This morning she took an almost 2-hour nap (!!!) but yesterday her morning nap was only 45 minutes! I know all this is because she is trying to transition from two to one nap. (And that is why her nap lengths are so inconsistent, maybe??) I’m going to keep the two naps for a little while longer because I really don’t feel she is at the point of dropping a morning nap, however long or short is it. Maybe next month I’ll give dropping the morning nap a shot and just see what happens. This has by far been the toughest sleep transition for us! I just have to keep reminding myself that we are in a rough patch and things will eventually smooth out again.

Things don’t look hopeful. There is still no brain activity at all. The doctor told Joy, his wife, that it will take a “Lazarus miracle” for Bryan to survive this.

Joy’s most recent facebook status is this:

"Just left my precious Bryan, things have progressed, he is on life support for his body, but God is giving me a peace that he went quickly in my dad’s arms on Saturday. Bryan has never been mine for keeps, he loved God before everyone. A Bryan quote for all "There’s a new statistic out on death, 10 out of every 10 people die, Are you ready? Do you know Jesus?”

Please keep praying for a miracle.

And pray that the peace of God will continue to stay with Joy no matter the outcome of this tragic event.

Bryan on July 4th – six days before the accident. Bryan’s son, Benjamin (4) is the boy in the red shirt.

Bryan on THE JESUS BUS – the bus he used for evangelism and the bus he stepped off and crossed in front of before he was hit by the car on July 10th.

This picture depicts who Bryan is. A man who is so passionate about sharing Jesus with others. The following is the quote attached to this picture on facebook:

We were driving by in the Jesus bus and Bryan saw this group of boys down by a lake and of course, being Bryan, he had to stop the bus and run over to the boys. There he is sharing Jesus with them.

Bryan, Joy, Benjamin and Timothy

Yesterday morning, just before 10am, a man by the name of Bryan was in a neighborhood near his church passing out Vacation Bible School flyers when he was struck by a car.

The story is he got out of a van, walked in front of the van and was hit by a car that came from behind the van and could not see him. His body hit the windshield and flew into the air. He was taken to a local hospital where doctor’s told his wife, Joy, that Bryan’s brain stem is severed and there is no brain activity.

Bryan is on life support and for the past two days his family and friends have been praying for a miracle because a miracle is the only hope for him walking away from this.

I know Bryan from my high school days. He was a Bible teacher at the high school I attended.

Bryan is 35 years old, is married to Joy and has two sons: Benjamin who is 4 years old and Timothy who turned 5 months old today.

Tonight on Facebook I found some pictures a lifelong friend of Bryan’s had posted from this past 4th of July. Bryan is all smiles (which is how I always remember him being) and he is setting off fireworks. Who would have known six days later this tragic even would take place, leaving Bryan on the brink of death and a young woman and two young boys in jeopardy of living the rest of their lives without their husband and father?

The answer may seem cliché but it’s the truth: GOD.

Since the accident prayers have flooded the gates of heaven as people have pleaded with God to spare Bryan’s life. The doctor’s have basically said there is nothing they can do and Bryan may continue to live a few days on life support.

But the prayers continue because God is a big God and nothing is too great for Him. He is the one who first knit Bryan’s brain stem together in his mother’s womb and He can do it again.

The question here is not, “Can He?” but “Will He?” and no one knows the answer to that question and so we continue to pray continuously for a miracle.

Please pray for Bryan, his wife, Joy and Benjamin and Timothy. Plead with God with us to perform a miracle and to spare this man’s life.

For nothing is impossible for God.

**UPDATE**

Right after I wrote this and posted it to my blog, I checked Facebook to see if there was any update on Bryan and there was!

Joy, his wife, wrote on her facebook:

“Bryan has had no change in his brain, but some positives: brain stem is NOT severed. There is pressure to the stem. Specific prayer should be that swelling will completely go away so stem has no pressure and blood can flow."

Please join in prayer that this pressure to the stem will go away so blood can flow.

This is the first positive report I’ve heard since the accident. PLEASE PRAY!!!!!!

I’ve read several blogs that have addressed this issue recently and I thought I’d write my own thoughts concerning this matter.

Adoptive moms carry alot of guilt when complaining about something related to motherhood. (Not ALL adoptive moms, but I’ve learned this is very common among many adoptive mothers.)

It is true for me.

Because I spent a lifetime yearning to be a mother and then had to endure infertility, I feel I can’t complain about the hardships of motherhood for fear that someone will find me “ungrateful” for the miracle God blessed me with.

After all, I chose to adopt. I didn’t just find myself pregnant one day and then say, “Oh, well, I’m going to be a mom.”

No, it took years of pain and heartache and deciding to adopt to become a mother.

I distinctly remember the lawyer’s words on that April 9th, 2009, day:

You can have a baby girl in June if you want.

We could have said “No” but we said “Yes” and 48 days later I became a mother.

There was most certainly a “honeymoon” period. The day Tracy signed the papers and Little Bug was officially ours and then the week after Little Bug’s birth that she spent in the NICU were certainly perfect days. (Besides the fact that we were dealing with withdrawals.) I felt on top of the world. I felt I had just come out of a very dark time of my life and couldn’t stop praising God for the miracle He had performed in giving us a daughter through the miracle of adoption.

Then, we came home from the hospital and real life began. Reality set in and unfortunately, my expectations and reality were light years apart.

Over the past year, that huge gap between expectations and reality has closed considerably, but it is something I still struggle with to this very day!

So, we got Little Bug home and the “honeymoon” continued while family and friends poured in coming to meet our little miracle.

Then reality hit and it hit hard.

People tell you before you have a baby that life will change and so I was aware that my life would change. I just had no clue that every single aspect of my life was going to change.

I had no clue that brushing my teeth and getting dressed in the morning in peace was a thing of the past.

I had no clue my quality of sleep would decline drastically and a year later I would still long for those baby-free nights of sleep.

Yes, I said that. You read correctly. Even the girl who longed for a baby all her life and went through infertility for 2 years has longed to go back to those peaceful nights of sleep when you are not constantly worried about the baby sleeping through the night.

Some might judge an adoptive mom for saying that. After all, she wanted that baby right? She wanted that baby more than her next breath.

A woman who conceived naturally, whether trying or not, wouldn’t be looked down upon if she said in frustration one night, “What I wouldn’t give for just one night of peaceful sleep without worrying about the baby!”

Adoptive moms think like that too. We just are hesitant to say it because we are fearful of being judged for not being found grateful for the child we prayed for and waited for and chose.

But the reality is biological mother and adoptive mothers are the same. We are both mothers. And mothers have a very hard job!! And if any mother is honest with herself, we’ve all been at the point of complete frustration … no matter how we became mothers!

I have such a hard time letting things go. I want to be a perfect mother but instead I’ve been bombarded with numerous emotions I never saw coming.

I believe these emotions would have come whether we had adopted or had a biological child because the transition into motherhood has been the most challenging thing in my life thus far. Yes, even more so than the challenge of infertility.

Infertility was a season of my life. Motherhood defines who I am.

All I’ve ever wanted to be is a wife and mother and here I am and life isn’t perfect!

Imagine that!

Interesting how motherhood has shown me areas in my life that need improvement.

Mothering takes sacrifice. And sacrifice hurts.

But sacrifice is necessary and when it comes down to it, mothers will do anything for their babies.

One of the hardest adjustments I’ve had to make as a mother is in the sleep department. I’ve always required a lot of sleep. When I was in Kindergarten I would come home from school and lay down on the couch and take a nap! Not to many 5 year olds take a nap every single day.

I’m a night owl. I love staying up late and sleeping late the next morning. Try telling that to a 1 year old.

“Ok, Little Bug, let’s stay up till midnight and sleep till 10am tomorrow morning!”

YEAH RIGHT!

Mix my need for a lot of sleep to function properly and my night-owledness and that’s a recipe for sacrifice when you become a mother.

I don’t like going to bed early and I don’t like getting up at 7 or 7:30am. I had recently gotten Little Bug to sleeping until 8am or 8:30 (heavenly!!) but she’s been getting up at 7am lately and it frustrates me to no end!!

Sacrifice with a lot of hope that one day Little Bug will like sleeping later like her Mama!!

Bringing home that little 5 pound baby girl I had all these expectations of what I was going to teach her.

I had absolutely no idea just how much this little girl was going to teach me.

I know her lessons will continue for years to come.

We went to Dave’s parents’ house outside the city for the 4th of July!

Little Bug likes to watch the neighbor’s horses.

This 4th of July Little Bug enjoyed running around the yard.

There was no stopping her!

Then Little Bug went swimming with her friend Tristan.

Little Bug tried to drink the water from the hose.

And because I like to compare pictures from the past … Last 4th of July. Little Bug was only 5 weeks old!

I want to continue these monthly updates on all Little Bug is up to mainly so I can have it recorded somewhere. So, here is what Little Bug is doing at 13 months old:

• She started leaking out of size 3 diapers, so I bought our first size 4 diaper box!
• Wearing mostly 9 months and 12 months clothing
• We are in a weird (frustrating!) napping phase. Apparently it is very typical for the pre-toddler to go through a phase of taking two short naps per day as they transition from 2 to 1 nap. I think this is the stage we are in. Little Bug can’t quite go through the morning yet with no nap, so we end up with 2 short naps per day. I will be very excited when she can drop the morning nap and then take one long afternoon nap. It will free us up to go and do more in the mornings before naptime!
• She no longer sleeps with the Miracle Blanket wrapped around her middle. With summer here in full swing I was afraid she’d get too hot, so one night I just decided to put the Miracle Blanket away. Little Bug had no issues whatsoever not having it after 11 months of sleeping with her Miracle Blanket!! (Do you think Little Bug is a record holder for the amount of months sleeping with the Miracle Blanket?!)
• Little Bug still has 4 bottles of organic whole milk per day (5 ounces of milk per bottle so 20 ounces per day). I really have no idea when I will wean because the month of July is SO BUSY for us. I’m not too concerned. It will happen when it happens.
• This girl can eat. Seriously, I am amazed at how much food she eats at every meal. You would never know she had issues with eating solid foods! She eats and eats and eats. Sometimes I just decide for her that she is done because I think she will get sick if she eats any more! I don’t know where she puts all this food because she is still very petite.
• Little Bug is starting to refuse pureed veggies. She will now eat fresh carrots, broccoli and green beans so maybe it is time to give peas & squash another try. I will use up the jars I still have and then buy no more.
• Little Bug is on the go constantly (which is maybe why she eats so much?!?!). Once she really started walking the weekend before her first birthday, she never sits still except to read books. Every other moment of her life is spent exploring and destroying! She can make a mess the size of Texas in no time at all. Little Bug is FAST! I used to be able to always be two steps in front of her. Not anymore!
• Her vocabulary is astounding. I have lost track of all the words she knows. Her comprehension level is amazing. She understands SO MUCH! We can already tell her to do simple commands such as “Bring Mommy your cup.” and she will do it.
• Little Bug is such a people person. She thrives off being around people.
• Little Bug has learned to sort shapes and put them in the correct hole. She can do the circle and square pretty much on her own, but needs help turning the star & cross to fit into the hole. The concentration on her face as she works is priceless.
• One of Little Bug’s favorite things to do is to go outside with her Grandpa (my dad). He picks her up and Little Bug points to where she wants to go and Grandpa takes her there. (Spoiled much??!!) They go outside and pick flowers, leaves and anything else of Little Bug’s interest, swing, look for kitty cats, go on walks in the stroller and to look at Grandpa’s garden. My dad eats this up just as much as Little Bug does.
• We had to work on manners this month with Little Bug because she started whining for food. We taught her to say “please” and she is doing very well with this now. We don’t allow her to get what she wants when she whines and she eventually changes her attitude and says, “Psss.”. It is the cutest thing!!
• Little Bug is a tease. She will grab something she know she isn’t supposed to play with and take off running with it, but not before looking back at you with this silly little grin that says, “Catch me if you can!”
• Little Bug loves to be chased and giggles and giggles when anyone is coming after her.
• Little Bug still has a deep love for books! I love reading to her every day.

I also want to continue Little Bug’s monthly pictures with her Pooh until she is two! So that picture will be coming as soon as I take it!