Peace that transcends all understanding

I went today for the blood draw and my veins wouldn’t cooperate. So they did a urine test and it was negative.

If ever there was a day that I have experienced a peace that transcends all understanding, it is today. And that is the miracle and blessing of Cycle 4.

No words can adequately describe how much I have feared this day. I can only say I was terrified of once again having negative results. Which is why for the past three nights I have cried myself to sleep just in the anticipation that it could happen.

What scares me the most is the road beyond three failed inseminations.

With all the other cycles, as soon as I learned it hadn’t work, we moved to the next cycle. But this is our third insemination. At our September 29th appointment, he briefly told me what would be next if this cycle didn’t work.

He said it has been consistently seen in their office that if three IUIs do not work, there is usually some underlying issue that was not detected in the initial testing. Typically, the patient undergoes laproscopic surgery to detect an underlying problem, such as endometriosis.

As I cried myself to sleep those nights, I envisioned myself depressed with no hope and no reason to go on with life. I really did not know how I was going to handle that news.

But today I received the news of my third failed insemination. I cried and cried and cried some more. But even in the first few minutes after hearing the news, I had this unexpected peace wash over my entire body.

We drove to my mom’s office and she came out and climbed into the car with me in the front seat and just held me as we all cried. I cried but my mind could not go into the depths of despair as I had expected.

I could not even become anxious about what lies ahead. Looking at me, a heap of tears and tissue sitting there in the car, you would have thought someone had died. But there was, and is, a blanket of peace surrounding me.

It really is a peace that passes all understanding. I can not fully explain it in words.

I just know on a day I expected to feel dead and hopeless if I once again received negative news, I feel the absolute opposite.

I’ve often thought through this process, “Why pray if God already has a plan and will see that it is carried through. Does prayer really make a difference at all when you are dealing with a Sovereign God?”

Well, today I have experienced prayers, YOUR PRAYERS, making all the difference in the world to me.

All these prayers have lifted me up to my Heavenly Father so that I can only feel peace – His peace.

I cannot thank you enough for praying. Please, please keep praying.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

Be strong and courageous, for the Lord your God will go with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9

12 thoughts on “Peace that transcends all understanding

  1. well i’m still praying for you tonight just as i was going to. that God would continue to keep you afloat and keep those horrible thoughts away. i really am sad for you and hurt for you. i’ve been checking all day waiting on a post but obviously this is not what i hoped to see.

  2. My heart is breaking for you right now. But, what a great post & what a great praise that you are finding peace in the midst of your storm. I will continue praying for you as you now continue on your journey of infertility. God gave you this deep & burning desire to be a mom & I believe He will fulfill it in you!! Praying for you!! Psalm 113:9

  3. elaine… i’ve been waiting on my news all day and yours as well. we are both not pregnant. i totally agree….. God has just carried me through this day. and i am even excited ( and scared, nervous, sick) thinking about my next cycle….He is just so wonderful to us! i am sorry that you aren’t pregnant… but God has chosen us to walk this path for a reason and if nothing us… to bring us that much closer to Him. and if that’s the only reason, it is definitely worth all the heartache. i truly believe in my heart that He has children waiting on you and i…. He just wants to send them at the perfect time and this month wasn’t that time. i’m Praying for you girl…. please continue to Pray for me as well….

    love in JESUS,

  4. Your walk is not just talk. You are an amazing woman! I love you and you know I hurt for you and continue to pray for you. God’s Grace IS sufficient. Mama

  5. We have been praying for you and Dave and your Mom & Dad as well. May you continue to feel the peace that comes only from our Lord Jesus Christ. Love you. Aunt Elena

  6. Dear Elaine and Dave,

    When I heard the phone ringing during school this morning, I knew who it was and why she was calling. Like so many have commented, my heart broke with yours. My mind and heart were just flooded with all the emotions Jay and I experienced thru our infertility journey. I prayed: God help them to grieve and then help them to lift themselves by the boot strings and be able to look ahead to the next step. I thank the Lord that you have experienced His peace. I pray you continue to experience His love and presence in your heart and mind. I love you so very much! A. Naomi

    U. Jay asked that I let you know he is disappointed along with you, but thankful that you have experienced peace and he is praying for you both.

  7. I don’t have words for you. I don’t pretend to understand God’s will. I am so glad that you have peace. Please know that I love you and am praying for you!

  8. I just came across your blog in a google search a few weeks ago and have read through many of your entries. I was looking for Christians who are going through infertility because I am going through it too, but haven’t been able to find anyone to really connect with during the process. No one else I know is going through this same thing. I have been encouraged by your prayers and humble faith. My husband and I have been trying a year now, and I just began my 15th cycle during this year. I’m only 23 and he’s only 21 so the questions that come with this whole process are overwhelming… or at least they used to be. God has been teaching me some amazing lessons about myself and about Him through this, and I am anticipating that if we have to go through such a difficult journey now, He must have something really BIG in store for our future! Thank you for your encouraging words. You’re in my prayers, and I look forward to seeing God bless you with the desires of your heart.

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