This year, persevere

My devotional for January 1, 2009, was very fitting. The title was, "This year – persevere".

Even though at this time I do not know which direction we will take concerning fertility treatments, I do know that whatever we decide will take much perseverance and focus.

Which is why I will keep this verse close to my heart as we press forward in 2009.

But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:13-14

Those three failed IUI cycles must be forgotten and left in the past. I cannot take the fear of another cycle failing with me if we are going to press forward and try again.

Right now the thought of another IUI cycle is just hard to swallow. I want desperately to try again, especially now with the endometriosis gone, but stepping out and taking that risk for another possible negative result is just frightening.

On the other hand, I know without a shadow of a doubt that if God does lead us to another IUI cycle He will provide everything we need to endure it again – no matter the end result. Once again, His grace will be sufficient.

The devotional book defined perseverance as "succeeding because you’re determined to, not because you’re entitled to". I like that. Before I go further, I need to define to you what I believe success for me looks like when I finally do cross the finish line.

Success does not necessarily mean a baby in my arms. I believe with all my heart that when I do cross the finish line, it will be with a baby in my arms. However, that, in and of itself, is not the measure of success.

The measure of success is my attitude, obedience and the glory my journey gave to God. Did I remain positive with an attitude of relentless trust and faith in Jesus Christ through every dark valley this journey brought me through? Did I listen and obey God as He directed me in every single decision, big and small, that had to be made along the way? Did I give God the glory as I crossed that finish line and every step before?

I can do none of the above apart from God’s strength, power and grace working in me.

Those are my goals this year. If I can cross the finish line with my faith intact and the glory all given to God, there is victory, baby or not.

7 thoughts on “This year, persevere

  1. That is wonderful – God is the most important in this whole situation. My desire is that I bring glory to God. Do I always? No, but I strive to in all of life … in my relationships with Roy, with my “kids”, my family, my work, coworkers, etc… You and Dave have grown closer together through all this and God has a purpose for all you are going through. Sometimes it is hard to see at the time but one day you just know. (Though I believe you already know some of it.)

    I pray for wisdom as you make the decision on what’s next. I also pray for peace in that decision and for conception to take place. I pray for grace to deal with each step of this process.

  2. great definitions. it’s so easy to think we’re entitled to a baby or anything else for that matter. God doesn’t owe us ANYTHING and we’re not entitled to it. but i believe he does want us to persevere and run hard after Him. i (like you)have to believe at the end of the finish line there will be a baby in each of our arms.

  3. I have been reading your blog and I just wanted to tell you that my prayers are with you and I know how you feel. I have been ttc for about 6 1/2 years now. I just stared clomid last month, so this month they have to increase my dose. Anyways it is a blessing to read how you write about the Lord. I started my blog about infertility and my faith in the Lord. It has helped me to be able to express the way I feel and to get to read things others have written. I found a great website also and joined it, it has been such a blessing to me it is http://www.childlessnotbychoice.com
    you should check it out.

  4. As I continued to pray for you after reading your most recent blog a few scriptures were brought to my mind. In Psalm 37:4 it says "Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart."

    Remember that we are suppose to remain confident in what He promises us…Romans 4:20&21 says, "Yet de did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had the power to do what he had promised."

    One day when I was really struggling with why our promise of a baby had not been fulfilled yet and really starting to doubt what I was called to do God gave me this word…Deuteronomy 28:11 it says that "God is not a God that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not fulfill?"

    I pray that God will give you and your husband wisdom on what will be your next step. I am excited to see the miracles that God is planning on doing in your lives as He fulfills your hearts desires of becoming parents!

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