My devotional for January 1, 2009, was very fitting. The title was, "This year – persevere".
Even though at this time I do not know which direction we will take concerning fertility treatments, I do know that whatever we decide will take much perseverance and focus.
Which is why I will keep this verse close to my heart as we press forward in 2009.
But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:13-14
Those three failed IUI cycles must be forgotten and left in the past. I cannot take the fear of another cycle failing with me if we are going to press forward and try again.
Right now the thought of another IUI cycle is just hard to swallow. I want desperately to try again, especially now with the endometriosis gone, but stepping out and taking that risk for another possible negative result is just frightening.
On the other hand, I know without a shadow of a doubt that if God does lead us to another IUI cycle He will provide everything we need to endure it again – no matter the end result. Once again, His grace will be sufficient.
The devotional book defined perseverance as "succeeding because you’re determined to, not because you’re entitled to". I like that. Before I go further, I need to define to you what I believe success for me looks like when I finally do cross the finish line.
Success does not necessarily mean a baby in my arms. I believe with all my heart that when I do cross the finish line, it will be with a baby in my arms. However, that, in and of itself, is not the measure of success.
The measure of success is my attitude, obedience and the glory my journey gave to God. Did I remain positive with an attitude of relentless trust and faith in Jesus Christ through every dark valley this journey brought me through? Did I listen and obey God as He directed me in every single decision, big and small, that had to be made along the way? Did I give God the glory as I crossed that finish line and every step before?
I can do none of the above apart from God’s strength, power and grace working in me.
Those are my goals this year. If I can cross the finish line with my faith intact and the glory all given to God, there is victory, baby or not.