When a couple makes the decision to proceed with in-vitro fertilization (IVF) they are bound to be on the receiving end of critical, judgmental statements made about their decision, especially if the couple is associated with any religious affiliation.
I am going to write from a Christian’s point of view on this matter, because I am a Christian.
People who tend to be quick to judge in this matter do not take into consideration that when a Christian couple makes the decision to proceed with IVF, typically, it is a decision that is made with much prayer and seeking God’s guidance in the matter. The decision to do IVF is not made flippantly. Our decision was certainly not made flippantly.
I also believe that people who are quick to judge are most likely people who have never walked down the road of infertility. People may think they know how they would walk a certain road if ever they had to walk it, but the truth is, until they have actually walked the road, there is no way possible for them to know what decisions they would be forced to make along the way and what choices will be made.
As I wrote in a recent post, the general public, being that they are fertile (because infertility only strikes 1 out of 6 couples in the USA) do not have a clear definition and picture of what infertility really means. This is understandably so! Why would a couple who decides, “It’s time to make a baby!” and then several months later is pregnant need to know about infertility, IVF and all the other lovely things that come with it? They don’t!
What most people do not realize is that infertility is a disease. Heart disease is a rampant disease here in America. Infertility is just as much a disease that negatively affects the reproductive system like heart disease negatively affects the circulatory system.
Quick frankly, I did not even fully realize that infertility is a disease until my surgery in November and I had been walking the road of infertility for over a year! It wasn’t until I had the surgery and Stage 2 endometriosis was found that it really hit me that I have a disease and because of this disease, I may never get pregnant and give birth to a biological child.
That is a hard reality to swallow – especially for someone who has dreamed, since childhood, of being pregnant and having a baby!
I am an infertile but I am first and foremost a Christian. Long before I realized I had a disease called endometriosis, I realized that the heartache and pain I was experiencing by going through infertility was not a curse in any way but was (and is) God’s way of allowing His glory, His power and His strength to shine through me as I walked this very dark road. It was when I realized this truth, shortly after starting my infertility journey, that I chose God.
I did not choose bitterness, anger, jealously, rage and hurt, although all of those emotions have certainly played a role at some point during this journey.
Infertility has a way of knocking you down flat on your face, month after month after month. However, I am a Christian, and I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt what was (and is) available to me …
God’s love, God’s peace, God’s joy, God’s strength, God’s power. I knew all of that, and more, was available to me if I chose to give up my own will and surrender to God’s will.
Giving up my will for God’s will also requires something else. It requires seeking God’s guidance and direction for every decision that must be made. This is why a close walk with God is so important! Knowing God’s will and seeking His guidance takes close, daily fellowship with Him. It also takes prayer. A lot of prayer. Talking to God and, most importantly, listening to God. And then following God’s leading – no matter where He leads you to go.
It sounds cliché but to say God lead us to IVF is the absolute truth! Which is why I also believe two dedicated Christians seeking God’s will, can come to two different conclusions when deciding to do IVF or to not do IVF.
God’s plan and purpose behind my infertility journey is not the same exact plan and purpose behind another couple’s infertility journey.
Dave and I know a couple who contemplated doing IVF. After much prayer, consideration and even an offer from a parent to pay for the complete procedure, the couple decided God was not leading them in the direction of IVF. They were obedient to the calling of God in their lives and did not do IVF. It wasn’t long and God blessed them with three pregnancies that were completely a surprise!
Now, the argument here could be that God blessed them with children because they chose not to do IVF. I do not believe that is what happened at all. I believe God blessed them because they were obedient to God’s will for their lives. God’s plan all along was to give them children in the way He did and the way he chose to give them children was not through IVF. Had they gone through IVF, they would have missed out on the miracle God desired to perform in them through surrendered, obedient hearts seeking to know, and follow, God’s perfect will.
Remember the story of one of my readers named Jess? She and her husband sought God’s will in deciding whether they should do infertility treatments or not. They believed God was telling them to not do anything and later they learned why. God’s plan all along had been to bring them four children through adoption! After the adoption of their four children, God gave them an unexpected surprise – a biological child. Once again, Jess and her husband were obedient to God and His time clock. Had they done their own will, who knows where four of their children would be today!
A woman and her husband in my church struggled with infertility for a decade. In speaking with her I learned that God began working in their hearts and they knew God was leading them to do IVF. They are now the parents of a beautiful IVF miracle baby!
Eighteen months into my infertility journey, I still do not have the complete picture to be able to know God’s plan and purpose for placing me on this road. But this I have learned in these past 18 months:
Anyone who makes a judgmental statement towards a dedicated Christian couple and their decision to proceed with IVF after seeking God in the matter, is to essentially judge their personal relationship with God. The Bible clearly states that it is only God who can clearly see into the heart of a man and his motivations.
God has plans for us that far exceed anything we can ever plan for ourselves. If we are to discover these marvelous plans that God has mapped out for our individual lives before we even live one day on this earth, it is going to take having a close, personal relationship with Jesus, a surrender of our wills for God’s perfect will, and an obedient heart that follows the lead of God.
That leaves no room for judgmental statements.
Hi! I have never read your blog before but a friend of mine has been reading it and told me I should come check it out. She said we had very similar stories. I just wanted to say your post today was awesome! My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for about two years. We have been doing treatments for about 9 months. We were getting to the point where our Dr. thought we needed to move onto IVF…we prayed and felt at peace about the decision to do IVF, but to not freeze embryos(I know a couple with a very close relationship to God that did IVF and froze embyros..that is what God led them to do..just like you said…two couples…two different conclusions). But it turned out before we headed down that road, God clearly led us to have a lap done(even though I wasn’t having any signs of endo or anything else). I had significant endo!! Which actually felt like a blessing! So now we feel led to do a couple more IUI’s since we found that and got it “fixed”. So anyway just thought I would throw a little of my story in there:). Thanks again for your blog! It is awesome! I pray you will be blessed with a baby soon!!
Lindsey Culross
i’m still praying for you. Your post is wonderful. With your relationship with God being firm, your obedience will surely be rewarded. i truly admire your honesty, and you are correct in this post. Not just that two different Christian families could have two different paths directed by God, but that only God can know the heart of a man or woman. i too am a Christian, who walked the path of infertility. Many years, many tests, diagnoses, and treatments we muddled through, and never once did i hear God tell me to do IVF. He knows me. He knows what i can handle, and He knows how things would have turned out had we used IVF and had a success or a failure. He chose to allow us to have our miracle baby after 13 years of prayer and seeking. He knew what it would take to bring Glory to His name from our mouths and our actions. While IVF wasn’t for us, i believe that God uses it to His glory! Like you said in your last post, (and i have heard many nurses in ART say) “Fertilization is God’s business”. We can stimulate and retrieve eggs and sperm and place them in cozy little dishes all day long. Only God can decide which will become children, and which will not. Your post makes it evident that you are His, and He will bless you indeed! Thank you for sharing your journey in Faith and infertility. You are a blessing to others. i wish i would have known you when i was struggling with some of these things. Keep on listening to Him, following Him and honoring Him. God Bless you both!
You shared your heart so honestly, and in doing so Christ continues to be glorified through your story. Praying for you and so excited to hear about the upcoming IVF!!!
What a great post! Its so true that unless you’ve been down the road of infertility you should be very careful not to pass judgment on a Christian couple who has been led to IVF for a cure to the IF issue. It is a disease, you would never tell some one not to make every effort to try and cure their heart disease.
My husband and I have been trying for over three years now and we walk with Jesus. And for us it’s crystal clear that we are not to do IVF. Its so crystal clear! Just like your decision is so clear to do it! God bless you I hope to hear of a pregnancy soon.
Nice post! I like this one a lot. ~HUGS~
i hate when fertiles try to dole out advice like they know what they’re talking about. it has made me so much more aware of areas that i try to give advice when i know NOTHING about the situation. i think that’s a good rule of thumb in infertility and just in life. unless you’ve walked that road, you don’t know. and even if you have God may lead them a different way. we have no room to judge others relationships with God and what He is telling them. so basically…Amen to all you wrote!
All you write is so very true.
If someone is judging you, then that is an issue they have..not you. Some things in scripture are very black and white and some are not. God does not prohibit, IVF..if someone tells you that, my response would be to ask them where in God’s Word is that found?
I agree with your statement that those who judge very likely have not walked this road..God is in control no matter what path you choose, and even if you have misread His Will for you, it does not take away His control over the situation…I truly believe that IVF is a direct gift from God, every thing we know and understand about medicine is because God has allowed us to understand it. It all comes down to what you feel God leading you to do, as long as it is not against His Word..and IVF is not!! Praying for a baby, first time for you!!
RIGHT ON, Elaine and all the other ladies who have commented!
Unless you walk in the shoes, it’s really not wise to judge. Actually, it’s not Biblical.
Mama
Thank you. You put it wonderfully. And I love that part, “Anyone who makes a judgmental statement towards a dedicated Christian couple and their decision to proceed with IVF after seeking God in the matter, is to essentially judge their personal relationship with God. The Bible clearly states that it is only God who can clearly see into the heart of a man and his motivations.”
It is so dead on! That is exactly how I’ve been feeling – judged and judged on my ‘level’ of christianity because we are considering IVF. Choosing IVF does not make me less of a Christian when we are following God’s leading. In fact it solidifies our obedience to God.
Thanks I needed that. ((HUGS)) I just went down that road of asking myself is this God’s will. We were ttc for almost 4 years b4 we got our first BFP. A few weeks later we found out the baby was in my tube (which had to be removed). We are now getting ready to do IVF in April. (check out my blog)
I cam across your blog after simply typing “trusting God in infertility” into the google search bar. We’ve been struggling with infertility for over two years now and have been praying and seeking God’s guidance as to our decisions. Thank you for sharing your wonderful thoughts. It’s always so encouraging to read another Christian perspective on this deeply painful and personal struggle so many of us are facing and often finding little support or empathy in our church families.
I’ll be praying for you on your journey.
Thank you for this post – it has met me exactly where I am at.
Dear Sisters and Brothers in Christ,
God bless you and thank you for this post!
I am in my first week of IVF treatment and experiencing judgement from my church. No matter which way I turn, my heart will be broken. My choice is to have my heart broken by God (and for God), or to have my heart broken by “man”.
The rest of my blog expresses my journey and is also a form of confession. I am purging the negativity that has kept me from having a relationship with my loving, awesome, Abba, Father in Heaven.
I strongly believe that every step I have taken up to this point has been divinely guided, gently and lovingly. Every step leading to IVF has been a miracle! God’s only promise to His believers is that he will never leave us or forsake us!
I have never felt closer to God, Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit than I do now. In fact, my infertility issues were causing a huge separation between me and my Father in Heaven.
The thing is–God waited until I was 40 years old to give me my soulmate, my husband.
We’ve tried for 18 months to conceive. I went to acupucture, took herbs and natural hormones made from who knows what? Took ovulation tests month after month. Our sex life became routine and unloving, unholy, sacreligious. Month after month I menstruated. And here was I, 42 years old, sitting in a Dr. office waiting to have a polyp removed from my uterus, and being told that my eggs are too old, I only have a 2-5% chance of having a biological child regardless of any treatment available. A donor egg is the ONLY hope for me.
I found myself praying confession after confession and begging God for forgiveness because I was ANGRY at Him and felt so incredibly BETRAYED by Him. How could God do this to me? He gave me this body-I prayed to be obedient and I kept myself obedient to Him. There was a Grand Canyon between me and my Father. I was becoming bitter, regretful and angry. I told my husband that I wouldn’t blame him if he left me because I was not going to be a kind, loving, happy person to live with until death parted us. I lost hope. I was abandoning my God and beautiful Savior.
Then…a miracle. I have a benefactor in heaven and on earth who picked me up, dusted me off, gave me an open ended check and the name of a specialist in infertility issues for women over the age of 35. THIS COULD ONLY BE A GIFT FROM GOD! This is the way God wants me to go!
I am not out of the forest yet–GOD still has to guide the hands and hearts of the medical professionals involved in my IVF and transfer. JESUS CHRIST still has to make my eggs happy and healthy. The HOLY SPIRIT still has to keep my heart, body, mind and soul centered on GOD.
God, in His loving mercy is still going to make this decision for us! IF there are other embryos, we have decided to freeze them for the possibility of more children in our future.
God has guided me to believe without ANY doubt that HE IS IN CHARGE of this situation GOD has already planned the outcome–IT IS STILL IN HIS LOVING, GENTLE HANDS! All it takes is ONE–ONE God, ONE sperm, ONE egg and ONE uterus. He will NOT leave me nor forsake me, neither will He allow me to be forsaken.
To close, I thank you for offering this blog and allowing others to post. I need support from the Christian community and I am getting only a little from my close friends at church.
God bless all of you and grant your prayers as His will for your lives!
Love in Christ,
Langeduciel (Angel from Heaven)
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My husband and I have been trying for 1.5 years. Everytime I mention infertility to fertile friends, they dismiss it. If I mention it to childless friends, they soon mention about themselves trying. I have tried everything under the sun and also haven’t tried to see if that works. We’ve tried 3 plain IUIs, 2 Clomid IUIs, herbal natural cycles, natural cycles- nothing works. The next step may be IVF but not sure if God will allow this. I know He has the power to allow anything that He planned for us. I also have endo and other clotting issues. Please pray for us. Thank you.
Hi,
Just read your blog.
There are so many women going through a similar situation. My husband and I were TTC for 16 months before we went to see a specialist. After a laproscopic investigation I was diagnosed with Grade 2 endometriosis with tubal compromise (my right tube is blocked and my left tube is partially viable as had a delayed spill during dye test).
Both my husband and I are adamant that we do not want IVF, we are standing firm on God’s word that he will grant us the desires of our heart and make me a mother of children. The Lord’s word states that “none shall be barren among my people, not man nor woman”. We are not accepting the consultants word that our only option is IVF, our only option is to trust in God and the plan He has already put in place for us.
I get days where I am feeling low, especially when you hear news that friends that have also been trying to conceive are now pregnant.
At the end of the day the devil will do all within his power to break me and pull me down but do you know how I have decided to respond to that….I say to the devil and all of hell, “bring it on, you will not break me, you will not win, my Lord and saviour will be triumphant in my situation for my Lord will hold up my arms when they are heavy, He will give peace to my heart when it has unrest and He will hear my prayers and grant the petition of what I ask”.
I am believing and praying that my husband and I will have the desires of our heart, in God’s timing. We are already praying to be blessed with a daughter (we are thanking God now as if she is already here), we have named her Mia Grace Hope and we have also placed a name plaque on the door of her nursery.
By being obedient to God and standing firm my little miracle will be here soon, in God I believe it.
Love and blessings to you all.
x
It’s been four years for me, but if I’ve learned anything it’s that God blesses immensely during the times of lack as well as during times of fulfilment. I feel like the last four years have given me such special growth and immense joy, as I’ve learned lessons that I never would have learned if I’d had a baby four years ago. Doing IVF now and overflowing with gratitude for God that it’s an option.
My wife and I have been trying to get pregnant for over 7 years, Nothing has been diagnosed to say we can’t. We have tried IUI for aprrox. 4 years and she was preganant for just a few weeks before she had a miscarriage. We are both Christians who love God. I support my wife 100% in all that she is going through. I have been praying for guidance and I would like to try IVF. The moral/God’s view has always been an issue. This is such a great website because I can see that many who are going through the same issue truly love God and are seeking His guidance. I pray that God will show us both to what direction He chooses for us to take.
God is Good!!!!!! After my last blog back in April I want to let you all know that I am currently 12 weeks pregnant, conceived naturally. After 18 months of praying for God’s support and help we have been truly blessed with this miracle. When all else failed and doctors told us we had no option but IVF the Lord intervened and granted us the desires of our hearts. My husband and I truly believe that God had a hand in this pregnancy, we had our battles, seeing friends and family around us getting pregnant with ease but we both continued to stand strong and confess that our time would come. I learnt through my journey that there are lots of women who have difficulty conceiving but throughout my 18 months I continued to support and encourage women around me who were going through the same thing. I believe God rewarded me for my faithfulness.
I just want to share another part of our story too….. 2 years ago when my husband and I got married, my husband had a falling out with his brother just before our wedding. For 2 years they did not speak. I got to the point where I said to my husband “what if there is something blocking us from getting pregnant”? “What if you need to make a mends with your brother in order for us to receive our miracle”? You know what, my husband listened to what I was saying and something touched his heart. The following day he telephoned his brother and invited them over for dinner. 3 weeks later I found out I was pregnant.
Our testimony has been told to our Church and has encouraged so many people to put the past behind them and let go of the luggage they are carrying around in order to receive the gifts that God intends them to have.
To all of you still trying, keep praying and believing, let go of any hurt or anger you may be holding towards someone and open your arms to receive your gift. Our little miracle has been received, for 18 months we have given thanks for a baby girl and we are just waiting now for the 1st scan next week. At 20 weeks I know that the midwife will just confirm what our prayers were asking for.
Blessings
x
It’s so refreshing to hear other christians going thru the same thing. I had 3 IUI cycles and 3 IVF cycles without success but am believing that God will provide us with our miracle. I also am an embryologist and this has changed my whole perspective on caring for the patient because I am in their shoes also. I know we have an awesome God and He will order our steps and we just have to praise Him for it!
Hi, it is really a blessing to hear all these comments. I felt encouraged. Glory to God. My story is as follows. My husband was diagnosed with infertility about 4 years ago. He went through surgery with no result. Now recently with the pushing of families and friends, we went to see fertility Dr to proceed with IVF. The plan was to have it done in this coming November. However, some thing happened which caused a lot of confusion in me. I told one pastor( a very good man of God) my story and asked him to pray for me. This pastor told me to not go through IVF. My husband is ok with not proceeding. For me i don’t know yet. What do u think? please comment. God bless.
This is a decision that has to be made between you, your husband and God – no one else. You can seek advice from a pastor and from others (like myself) who have had to make this decision but when it all comes down to it, you need to get in a quiet place with the Lord and let Him speak to you. He will give you peace if you are to proceed with IVF. Ask Him to direct your path. Seek Him. He WILL give you guidance and in your heart you will know where He is leading.
What are some of your concerns? If you wish, let me know what your concerns are. I would be happy to discuss with you my thinking concerning the issues because I do believe God speaks through other people and something I say could be God’s way of giving you the assurance to proceed with IVF or to not do IVF.
If you would rather further discuss this privately feel free to email me at elaine@faithfullyinfertile.com
This was a informative great post by you hope to read more very soon.
I am on 24 mos of infertility and your description of the pain month over month is dead on! We are in the process of discerning Gods will for us — IVF, Adoption, or perhaps both?
IVF has so many aspects and I think people assume if you do IVF you destory embryos. For all of you that believe that, understand that the patient can select how many embryos to CREATE AND IMPLANT. That means perhaps two embryos created, two implanted, none destroyed.
I hope the author of this article has found peace with Gods plan. I am certainly still looking for it!!
God created the science for IVF. Its God’s will that people use this science to create children. People who are fertile have no say in this. They’ve never walked in our shoes, they cannot judge us.
all i want to say is well done every body for this information .our God is faithfull even when we are not faithfull , nothing can change prayer but prayer with faith can change everything .may God hear our cry and give us our children.jesus name
Wow. What a relief to know I am not alone!! As much as this hurts and I desire this upon no one…truth be told I am not alone. I am a Christian woman with the only dream of becoming a mom one day. I married at 33, which is when God brought me my other half. We ha e since been trying to conceive and I am now 37. Yes, time is ticking and have discovered my husband has a blockage. Seems he produces but the swimmers do not come out. I’ve tested out ok. Seems our option is testicular aspiration (extraction) then Ivf. We are not sure how to proceed but one thing is for sure…it has to be Gods will not ours. I pray that the Lord speak to us and guide us. Hardest part is this has been my only lifelong dream and can’t imagine my life without a child of our own. Please pray for us.
I really love the blog. Every couple is different and in any decision, we have to search for the will of God. My husband and I have been married for 7 years. After 2 years of TTC, I was finally pregnant in 2008 with a baby girl. At week 23 of pregnacy, I lost the baby. 2 months later, I was pregnant again, but that time it was a tubal/ectopic pregnancy. At first, I felt betrayed by God. How could he do that to me? It took me a long time of effort, prayer, reading the Bible to understand that God has numerous ways of taking us to the path of life. His ways and thoughts are different from ours. Through that journey, I have learned not to judge but to be there for others; I have learned not to compare myself to others and my life depends on my relationship with God. A few weeks ago, my fertility specialist has suggested IVF due to bilateral tubal blockages. I am searching for God’s will in that matter and I know he is a God of miracles who can do anything. In whichever way he leads me, I trust him and have faith in him since ” the Just will live by faith”. I will pray those out there who are waiting upon him for God to do a miracle and help them through this difficult path of life. I know for sure, in God, we are Victorious since he has accomplished all on the cross that we may enjoy the blessings of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob through Jesus-Christ.
Thank you for posting this and the other info on IVF and infertility. We are having a meeting with the specialist in the coming week and am feeling very nervous and unsure about what to do. I’ve been really needing some Christian perspectives and I believe that God led me here. Sometimes we need reminders about seeking God and listening and obeying. Thank you for encouraging me to continue to do that.
Thank you so much for this! I also believe God led me here to hear your story. Especially a woman of faith who has had to trust God every step of the way…even when it led to disappointments. My husband and I are currently in an IUI process due to male factor. I am trusting God every step of the way. This journey can be lonely, but I rejoice when I hear of stories like this and God’s faithfulness. I’m filled with His peace knowing that He has a divine plan that is going to work out perfectly and just as He has planned. Thank you for sharing your story. This article above, allowed me to feel accepted, and allow me to feel that I was ok to seek treatment. You don’t know what that has done for me and my husband.
Very, grateful
thoughts on christian view of feezing embryos for use for 2nd, 3rd baby in ivf?
Thank you so much for your opinions on IVF and other infertility treatments. My husband and I have been on this journey for almost 2 years. I have had 6 surgeries along the road to remove just over 40 fibroid tumors, ranging in size from a small melon on down. After my last surgery, which was this week, my doctor suggested that we begin IVF starting in January. We were really excited about this possibility because we feel strongly that God is leading our family in this direction. We have done research about it and feel really excited about what God might do for our family through IVF. We were not prepared, however, for the backlash from some friends and family members who have been harsh and quick to send us negative blogs and articles telling us that ‘If God wanted us to have a baby, he would have given us one’ and that ‘babies should be made out of love and not science’. My husband found your blog and emailed me the link this morning. I am encouraged and excited to know that there are other women out there who maintain a strong ethical and spiritual fiber while they also seek to start a family. I know I have more research to do, but I feel strongly that your blog is the start to our family coming up with a stance on IVF. I appreciate your words and thoughts. This is such a tricky situation and I feel really strange keeping the information to myself but on the other hand, I want to celebrate this exciting time in our family and not feel judged by others. Like you said, you don’t know until you walked this road. It is by far the hardest battle I have ever fought and it would be wonderful to have support from those who love me and not condemnation.
Again, thank you and I look forward to reading more of your work!
*MB*
I’m glad you said that infertility is a disease. I believe (and many others do as well) that disease is a curse. Not “the curse”, as in something we have to live with because of the fall, but something God never intended for us to go through. Many couples have been healed of infertility and its related issues (endometriosis, etc) after ministry at Be In Health Global in Thomaston, Georgia (or an online course they offer). I’m not advertising for them – I just say this because my life has been radically changed because of the teaching I received there last month. I watched my husband go from someone who played video games or watched movies in his spare time to someone who spends his evenings with his Bible, a notebook and his Strong’s concordance. I no longer have fear, I was healed of carpal tunnel and many, many emotional issues including postpartum depression. Yes, I am a mother, and I have not walked this road, but I have had many friends who have walked the road of infertility, IVF, multiple miscarriages, secondary infertility, etc. I have family who have chosen to live childless after IF, and others who adopted. I do believe that God’s best for us in marriage is to have children one way or another, and healing from infertility is something I’d love to see happening in Christians. Be In Health is NOT a typical laying on of hands ministry where you go and hope to have enough faith to be healed. And sometimes it takes time….but other times healing is instantaneous. Please consider looking into Be In Health (beinhealth.com) and what they are doing in this area.
You should just adopt. Don’t be so selfish and egotistical thinking you deserve a child in your own image. Adopt and stop complaining.
Ah, I actually read the rest of ur blog and apologize for my comment. Bless you for adopting 2 beautiful children and giving them a wonderful life!
Thank-you for sharing your point of view. I just came back from a bible study and we discussed IVF. It started with suicide and as Christians we know that it is not of God. So the question was: If it is not up to us when and how we should die then what about creating life…. is it up to us? But you made it very clear that it is about having a relationship with God rather than focusing on the logistics of the matter. God is calling each of us to do different and certain things; and its about prayer and being obedient.
Thank you!
What an inspiring and uplifting blog.
I am a Christian and happily married . My wife’s eggs are old and the best way for us to have children is by IVF.
On our decision on go on with IVF. I found solace in the following scriptures.
Romans 12:2 talks about his good, permissive and perfect will.
His perfect will for us would be to have our own full biological child
His permissive would be IVF ( where one of us contributes)
His good would be adopting either from a relative or through the various adoption services.Or surrogation.
God’s word is His will and His will is His word.
So to find if Infertility was His will, I had to check His word.
All I found were ” confirmations ” I like calling them confirmation numbers that I had been confirmed to have a child/children.
Be fruitful and multiply…..Gen 1:28
None shall be barren or cast their young Exodus 23:26
Children are an inheritance from the Lord ……Psalm 127:3-5.
Makes the barren woman a mother ……Psalm 113:9
That means whenever the devil comes around with suggestive thoughts to the contrary God’s will acts as a shield against it.
I have my confirmation numbers which means that somewhere in this seen word we will have children. It is like booking for a hotel room online receiving an email confirmation and on getting to the hotel , you are being informed that they don’t have any more rooms . That may be what they claim but as long as I show them my confirmation number , it means that somewhere in that building is a room for me. Either they are going to have to open up the presidential suite or build a new room. I have a reserved room within that building.
As the writer wrote infertility cannot be from God as his word/ His will says contrary as does his actions. Sarah was 90 Years old and Mary was maybe 16. When they conceived – so you are never too old to have a child .
If Infertility is a disease would you not want that disease removed.
Remember God anointed Jesus ……to destroy the works of Satan …Acts 10:38
Looking at the lives of Jacob, Leah and Rachel
Bilah and Zilpah acted as surrogates mothers or in this day and age could have donated their eggs to Leah and Rachel ( I will leave that interpretation) to you.
In Summary
God’s will which is His word summaries that we should be fruitful and multiply.
The only barren recorded in the bible was Michal the wife of David .
She is in the minority . 2 Sam 6:23
I stand in the Majority.
Thankyou so much for your post. We had our first baby though ovulation induction and then tried that for 6 years until we felt God lead us to IVF. We chose personally not to freeze embryos and God blessed us with a baby the first cycle. I discovered your post however now since we are trying for a third and we have done 3 cycles using our frozen eggs and we are not sure how to proceed from here. I guess we find it difficult to base our decisions of what to do on the worlds statistics of success against our convictions from God. I just wish God could be clearer sometimes on what path to take. I love however how well you pointed out that God takes different people on different paths. Although we don’t feel right freezing embryo’s we don’t have a problem if other Christians choose to. Thanks again
Oh and Faith, i totally agree with what you said. I believe all babies are a miracle and God can and does use modern medicine to give this miracle to people.
I know this is an old post but I 100% agree with what you have written. We struggled for 2.5 years to have children and were so on the fence about doing IVF. At first, I said I would NEVER do it because I didn’t fully understand that I could have control over things I once thought I could not (like the amount of embryos created).
During our journey, we sought God and what His will would be for us. Adoption, fertility treatments, no children, IVF, etc. I was told by so many people that IVF was a sin but that is exactly where God led us. And I truly mean HE led us there. And, after our twins were born, we were blessed with a miracle pregnancy a year later.
Even though our 2.5 year struggle was filled with a massive amount of loss, fear, and sorrow, I can honestly say that it was equally filled with a better, renewed, more intense relationship with God. I know Him better, have seen His faithfulness and KNOW that He does have a plan for my life.
Just found your post via a google search.
What a wonderfully written post! My husband and I struggled with infertility for 4 years. We had said there were certain things we would not do, certain paths we would not travel on our journey to being parents {or not}: The Lord called us down every path we said we would never take and blessed us through and after it all. On our last DIUI cycle we had given up and said “Lord, your will, not our’s…reconcile us to that”: With that cycle we got pregnant with our daughter (who is now 2.5). A year after her birth we decided to try for #2 and on our last attempt, leaving it all to Him, he blessed us with triplets.
It is so easy for others to say what one should or should not do, whether it is God’s will or not, but none but God and each person knows what transpires on the road to making decisions. Thank you for this post!
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god is good, i’ve been infertile for over 11yrs been married for 1.5 yrs but been with my husband for 5yrs before marriage and been praying for a child since,me and my husband are both children of god,i came on this blog just to see what other think about IVF ,cause we are thinking about doing it,i will truly seek god for his guidance on doing IVF ,BUT I TRULY BELIEVE ITS a gift and wisdom god gave man to do,to help those who cant conceive naturally,i love the lord with all my heart and i want his will to be done in my life,but his words say we should be fruitful and multiply and if he does’nt allow ivf to work it wont work ,but i feel much better knowing as a christian i am not alone .god bless you all
This was very informative and I found it very comforting. God bless you for writing this.
I was drawn closer to Jesus through our IVF. It was an experience I don’t think I would have had, had I conceived naturally. I know this was Gods will that we take this journey. It was very special and so is my little boy!
I am at such a cross roads and I’m so thankful that this blog turned up when I searched for a Christian view point on IVF. I am my husband’s second wife, his first marriage disintegrated after an horrific ordeal with loosing their second child at the latter stages of pregnancy and his subsequent deteriation to produce sperm leading to a struggle through IVF. Ending with a diagnosis of azoozpermia and the break up of his marriage.
I have always know since dating him that our chance of having biological children is slim to none – no sperm, no baby?! I am a committed Christian and have followed God’s will for my life and he has led me to my husband who is not. This may sound strange but even when I was young I laid my cards down to God and told him, “Lord the greatest desire of my heart is to be a mum, but if that is not what You have planned, that is Your will and I give that to You to use for Your knigdom.” He has led me to love and marry a man who has been deeply wounded and hurt by infertility, some of those wounds are so deep that even years after they obviously still hurt.
He has a son and he is a wonderful blessing to our lives and being a step mum is a joy and a role I feel so incredibly blessed to have. But increasing our family is something we both wish and although I have never believed you biologically have to be a father or mother to be a mummy or a daddy I have found this decision – which seems so easy and a simple action of stopping the pill for most – incredibly heart wrenching, difficult, exhausting and stressful.
My relationship with God has developed and has shown my that the desire of my heart should be God’s will, in mine and my family’s life. However the emotions, and deep yearning to share that amazing process of bringing life into the world with my husband I never accounted for and they often overwhelm me. I prayed that God would give us miracle so I thought just relaxing and enjoying each other and hoping, God would bless us. We looked into adoption and were told by our local agency to go away and seek more medical help. I found this so frustrating but we followed the advice and now feel like a can of worms has been opened. Nothing has changed with my husband, he still has azoozpermia which we suspected but instead of a dead end – which honestly would have helped me and allowed me to move on and accept childlessness – we’ve been given another option SSR.
So, the crossroads – is IVF something my family can go through emotionally & financially and I feel that I’m being confused by what I feel God is saying to me. But He has a plan for everyone and every family, reading this blog and some of the responses has given me some support and things to think and pray about. Ultimately all things are in His hands and we can’t know what his plans are. I’m just going to trust and allow my decisions, however difficult to be lead by God.
Bless you all
Bethany
Thank you so much for your testimony. I believe God put us in this position because 1) my husband is not yet Christian, and 2) I needed to be brought back closer to God. Everytime I do something and it fails, God has made it known that he is here with me through every step. Tomorrow is our 1st IVF transplant, and I stumbled onto your page. I believe that with prayer and faith, it will happen for us eventually. Whether this time around leads to a sucessful pregnacy or not, my intention is to “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6.
I’m crying as I read this. I needed to hear to stumble across this more than you could ever know! Thank you, thank you, thank you! I truly believe God works through other people and you were that person for me today