I recently saw the following statement in a frame hanging on someone’s wall:
Faith is not believing that God can but that God will.
I left that house thinking about that statement and decided I do not believe that is what God requires us to believe when our faith is in Him.
Sure, with God all things are possible. Every month I believe with all my heart that God can create Baby that month. I know that God does not need IUI treatments, surgery or IVF to make it happen. I know God is the creator of life and He can allow me to conceive any month, regardless the circumstances.
But to say that God will make it happen doesn’t fit right with something else God has taught me along this journey.
Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails. Proverbs 19:21
During every single one of my IUI treatments I have asked people to please pray that God would create Baby that month. During every single IUI treatment, there were people from all over praying that God would do this.
Looking back now I can see that God’s purpose in those three previous IUI cycles was not a pregnancy. Instead, His plans were to do a work within my heart and soul and not in my womb.
I cannot begin to even summarize what God has taught me through those three failed IUI cycles. God does sometimes answer our prayers with a “No” – and sometimes more than once – because He has plans for our lives that will prevail because He knows they are best and the best is what He desires for us.
Was it hard to accept “No” as the answer three times in a row?
Do I even need to answer that question?
And here we are again praying God will choose to create Baby with The Lone Ranger.
Once again, God’s will will prevail.
If I am pregnant, I will praise God for performing a miracle. If I am not pregnant, I can still praise the Lord because I can rest in peace knowing God is still doing a work within my life using these circumstances and His work is not complete.
I’ll be the first to admit that keeping this mindset is extremely difficult. I’ve been on this road now for almost 2 years and the possibility of ever achieving a pregnancy grows slimmer with every treatment we undergo. With each treatment, we have discovered another obstacle that stands in our way to achieving pregnancy.
Not a day has gone by since March 8th that I haven’t thought about the possibility that I very well may never have a biological child.
But I do believe that God can make this happen. He will – if biological children are a part of His master plan for us.
Will I pray and continue to ask others to pray that God will allow us to conceive?
Because God can if He Wills and His Will is best.
It’s a win-win situation, really.