Goodbye, Lone Ranger

I’m glad I didn’t waste time yesterday going to get blood drawn.

The unwelcome visitor arrived this morning, right on time.

So where does this leave me?

Even though I lived the past few days with the mindset of the visitor would arrive any day now … it still hurts … because there is always at least just an ounce of hope every month, no matter how much you’ve been through, that maybe, just maybe, this will be the month.

Then when the visitor arrives … that ounce of hope is crushed … and life moves on.

Where my life is moving beyond this day is very scary to me.

Before March 8th, I honestly didn’t think everything would come to this.

Goodbye, Lone Ranger.

Goodbye, Dream.

22 thoughts on “Goodbye, Lone Ranger

  1. Elaine,I wanted to add…I can feel your pain.It hurts.Remember God is there beside you,soothing your pain.God will make a way.Just hold his hand tightly and never let go.Only Jesus can come with us in this journey. You are in my thoughts and prayers.Take care.


    Psalm 27:13,14
    I am still confident of this:
    I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.

    Wait for the LORD;be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.

    D

  2. So Sorry you have to experience this heart ache..I have been in your shoes…it is like a death every month….I will pray for you.
    May the God of Peace give you Hope..that goes beyond your understanding..I am also praying that this time next year, you will be holding a baby in your arms…

    Sister in CA

  3. It breaks my heart to read your blog today. I am crushed right there with you. My only words today is to take one day at a time from this point forward. Allow yourself to grieve. I love you! Maria

  4. Elaine, I am so sorry. My heart aches so much for you and Dave. I am praying for you both as you grieve this loss. I am praying that the God of all comfort will comfort you today as only He can and I am praying that His perfect love will drive out all fear as you look toward where your “life is moving beyond this day.”

  5. Dearest Elaine,

    Yes, that little ounce of hope does hurt when it is crushed. I cry with you for this dream. My prayer for you is that God will comfort you, strengthen you and restore your hope for yet another month. I love you so very much! So glad I got to give you lots of hugs Tuesday and Wednesday. A. Naomi

  6. Oh Elaine – I am hurting with you. I was hoping this was the month. It was the first IUI try since the surgery and I was so praying that God had kept you from having to do IVF because IUI was all that was going to be needed. I know his plan is best. I am praying that God will clearly direct your next step. Love, Angele

  7. I wanted to tell you today that I thought of you and your blog and what an amazing inspiration you are to me! I went to a women’s conmference at our church and I forgot what they wrre talking about exactly but it was some how about being a true light for GOd and by being ppositive others can look at you and see GOD in you and there fore desire to be more like God. YOu are that person to me and I dont even know you. I know today is hard and AF sucks so I am glad I am telling you today that you are such a inspiration to me. YOu have such a faith and reading your blogs helps me with my faith…thank you for being a light

  8. I wanted to tell you today that I thought of you and your blog and what an amazing inspiration you are to me! I went to a women’s conmference at our church and I forgot what they wrre talking about exactly but it was some how about being a true light for GOd and by being ppositive others can look at you and see GOD in you and there fore desire to be more like God. YOu are that person to me and I dont even know you. I know today is hard and AF sucks so I am glad I am telling you today that you are such a inspiration to me. YOu have such a faith and reading your blogs helps me with my faith…thank you for being a light

  9. I wanted to tell you today that I thought of you and your blog and what an amazing inspiration you are to me! I went to a women’s conmference at our church and I forgot what they wrre talking about exactly but it was some how about being a true light for GOd and by being ppositive others can look at you and see GOD in you and there fore desire to be more like God. YOu are that person to me and I dont even know you. I know today is hard and AF sucks so I am glad I am telling you today that you are such a inspiration to me. YOu have such a faith and reading your blogs helps me with my faith…thank you for being a light

  10. elaine-i am so very sorry. i know those words dont mean much hearing them month after month. 🙁

    im not sure where you are going from here, but i am sure that your faith will get you to a happy place. wherever that may be..

  11. know that i am praying for you… for strength, joy, comfort, energy.

    this may seem like a weird passage, but i read it when i was experiencing grief once and it gave me some comfort and hope. lamentations 3, specifically verses 19-33.

  12. My heart too hurts and is broken today for my precious Elaine and Dave. I know that God still has a wonderful plan and it is the BEST plan for your lives.

    Daddy and I enjoyed spending the day with you all. I’m glad Marcio and Cristina could be here from Brazil to love on you all today.

    I am touched by all the comments and words of encouragement left on this post, thank you all from the bottom of Elaine’s Mama’s heart.

  13. Hang in there sweetie. There is a purpose to it, whether we understand it now or when we are truly home with our Father.

  14. Hi – I’m so sorry to read this – I was really hoping that this might be the month for you.
    I’ve been reading your blog for a little while – I picked up on it from a comment you left on someone else’s blog (purely because I know a different Dave and Elaine and wondered if you were them!)
    I’ve been fortunate enough not to have any problems conceiving, but we have had quite a few issues further down the line – miscarriage; a fatal, recurrent genetic condition which claimed the life of our first son when he was 15 minutes old; and our second son has an incurable, life-threatening heart defect.
    So although our circumstances are very different, I’ve been in that place where you are hoping, hoping, hoping that results will tell you one thing… and then they tell you something completely different, and it’s such a blow.
    I have been thinking of you such a lot, and trust that your way forward will be made clear to you. Don’t ever give up hope.
    With love, Alison X

  15. I was rooting for the “lone ranger”…I really was! The “visitor”…the tears of a disappointed womb…

    You are not alone…you have so many people who love you and are praying for you. God’s strength will hold you guys up! The waiting…the wondering…it is so hard.

    We love you guys….

    Mari

  16. Elaine, I don't know you and I don't normally leave comments on random people's blogs, but I came upon your blog today and it is so good to hear my exact thoughts and feelings echoed in someone else. Who knew reading blogs could be therapeutic? 🙂 Congrats on your beautiful baby girl!

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