Picking Up the Pieces
What can you do but pick up the pieces after a day like yesterday?
It’s no joke that the road of infertility is full of ups and downs. While yesterday was probably the lowest of the lows for us in our journey so far, I still found myself watching the clock and waiting for the day to end so a new one could begin.
I know a new day signifies a fresh outlook and while we never assumed the outcome of our first attempt at IVF would be this bad, we can only move forward from here and deal with the new set of circumstances that have been given to us.
I decided long ago that I am going to choose to set my mind on God and not my circumstances that seem to grow dimmer and dimmer with each passing treatment.
However, this blow knocked me down hard. Yesterday put me that much closer to the reality of having to accept that I may actually never be pregnant and give birth to a baby.
But yesterday also made me realize once again that I am not in control here and neither is my doctor. God is in control and yesterday did not take Him by surprise at all.
Now, more than ever, I must trust that God has a perfect plan that somehow involves the bleak circumstances of yesterday. If I don’t believe that simple truth, I literally have nothing.
As for now, we are converting this IVF cycle to an IUI. I will go in tomorrow at 8am for another ultrasound to monitor what this solo follicle hanging out in my left ovary is doing. I’m predicting (based on how the three IUIs before surgery went) that we will be ready for insemination towards the end of this week. Assuming, of course, that this one follicle doesn’t decide to take a leave of absence as well.
Honestly, I’m not allowing myself to think too much about this IUI and the possibilities that lie within. I just can’t allow my mind to think that this could be it.
As far as our next step beyond an IUI goes … we are once again at a crossroad of decision-making and need your prayers as we make (another) big decision.
When not-so-great odds, a huge sum of money and a deep desire to be a mother are all thrown into making one decision, it makes for a very complex decision to be made.
I know without a shadow of doubt that the prayers of many faithful prayer warriors is what pulled me through yesterday. Thank you, from the bottom of my broken heart, for all the prayers, comments, emails, Facebook messages and phone calls.
I could never convey to you in words how much it means to me to know that I have an army of prayer warriors lifting me up to the Father on a consistent basis – especially on a day like yesterday when I literally just didn’t know what to pray.
We will probably never fully understand this side of heaven the complete impact your prayers have made.
But I am completely confident that one day we will all be able to look back on this entire journey and see a beautiful outcome that is far better and far greater than anything we can even imagine today.
I, for one, am looking forward to that glorious day!
9 People have left comments on this post
Amen! Me too.
Mama
Elaine, God may have wanted to see how far you were willing to go. When he saw that you were willing to go all the way, he only gave you 1 follicle, because he knew that this IUI would work and you wouldn’t have to do IVF. That is my prayer for you!!
Dear Elaine,
I know your heart. I know the One we serve. I know His promises. Therefore, like you, I choose to believe His plan is far greater than we can see now. God is faithful! I love you very much. A. Naomi
You are amazing and so strong! It’s a difficult thing to keep believing each month that this procedure or that will work. You are so right, God is totally in control… more so than your doctor. He has a plan for you, boy do I wish sometimes he would send us an e-mail with our plan layed out!
Hang in there! You are in my prayers!
I just wanted you to know that you’re in my prayers! I pray for you daily. I am so amazed at how much you rely and trust God with all this, it really is a testimony to your faith. God is sovereign, and He has it all planned out for you!
Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him. (lamentations 3:22-24)
The inner strength that God has placed in you radiates in your words and I am sure in your presence. God has positioned you and your husband (like many others who read your awesome blog) on a path not many people choose. Yes the Bible teaches us to mourn with those who mourn and rejoice with those who rejoice…but as we do that we also must hold each other up in prayer when it is too hard to stand up or pray on our own. I want to encourage you during your walk that you serve a Father that “performs miracles, and he displays his power among the people” Ps 77:14. I know you probably know and hold tight to Psalm 37:4 “Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart”. Along with that remember what was written in
Romans 4:20-21 “Yet he did not waiver through unbelief regarding the promise of God but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God being fully persuaded that God had the power to do what HE promised.” Know that you are being prayed for daily…not only by your family but by so many people all over!
Scripture encourages me when I am struggling but also hearing other people’s testimony of what God is doing in them and for them also builds strength in me. Here is something I ran across awhile again and the words of the song ring so true, and then the testimony really hits home… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZE33ejdgWIY
“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.” Ephesians 3:20-21.
Psalm 30:5 – “Weeping may endure for the night, but joys comes in the morning.” I’m thankful God gives us “new days” to wake up to. Praying for you each step of the way! Love you!
I’m sorry to hear about your news but it is awesome to hear about your strength and what God is teaching you through all of this. You are in my prayers.