I want to share something I wrote in my journal on March 6th – two days before March 8th, the day we learned my ovaries would most likely never respond well to even IVF fertility drugs.
I’ve spent a lot of time lately going back and reading previous posts in the blog and the personal journals I have kept throughout this time.
Here is the unedited version of what God laid on my heart and spoke to me on March 6th…
It is quiet. The girls are in bed, the dishes are washed and put away, the toys are cleaned up. All is quiet. So peaceful and quiet. I can feel God calling saying, “Just be still and know that I am God.”
Know that I (God) love you and created your very life for a purpose. And in order for your life’s purpose to be played out in the way I have planned since time even began, you must trust me and follow my leading. Know that I (God) have a plan for you concerning infertility and motherhood that is far greater than anything you, or anyone else on this earth, could plan for you.
Know that I (God) have placed this strong desire in your heart to be a mother to many children. I created and molded you that very way so that I (God) could take your deepest desire to be a mother, give you infertility and use your infertility to mold and shape your character and your dependency on me. I know once you are dependant on me and trust me with all your heart, it is then that I can bring about the fruition of the marvelous plan I have for your life.
Know that I (God) am with you wherever you go – even as you walk and climb the mountain of IVF. I am here. I travel with you. You are not alone, so do not be afraid. Take my Word and bind it to your heart so that when Satan tries to attack, you will have weapons against him.
And don’t forget for one moment … this battle is already won and you are the winner! Keep your eyes on Me and I will bring you through this valley so you will one day stand upon the mountaintop with Me.
I think it should be noted that it was exactly a week later (March 13) that Satan attacked me like he’s never attacked before.
I believe the message here is that God is at work, even when at the time we see no evidence of that.