Today

Today is Mother’s Day. Today my mind is focused on the many women who are walking the road of infertility.

Today their minds are filled with …

Why am I still walking this road?

When will I ever get to experience the joy of motherhood?

Will I ever become a mother?

What is the purpose behind all this pain and heartache?

Why are people who “aren’t trying” pregnant and here I am longing for a child for years and still with empty arms?

Why after everything we went through to achieve pregnancy did we miscarry?

WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY?

If I had a penny for every time I have asked “Why?” we could have paid in full for our IVF cycle up front!

When you are drowning the sea of infertility and forced to live through days like today, the pain and heartache is enough to make you feel as though you are suffocating and you won’t be able to take in your next breath.

It hurts. It cuts us to the very core of who we are. On days like today, we want to curl up in a little ball in a cave and hibernate until the sun goes down and all the “Mother’s Day” festivities are over.

I know nothing I can type onto the screen of my computer at this very moment can take away the pain people feel today.

But I would like to say a little something.

If you are a child of God He has a plan and you must trust Him with it. You must believe God will not leave you where you are today.

Things may not turn out the way you think they should or even the way you are praying they turn out.

I am living proof of that!

God had HIS PLAN all along and Little Bug was it. Adoption was certainly never my plan but I am living the miracle of adoption and I wouldn’t change a thing … not a thing.

I want to challenge you to do something today.

There are times (like today) when we need to curl up in a ball and hibernate as we cry and scream out in our anguish.

But then we must pick ourselves up off the floor and press on.

After giving yourself time to mourn today, meditate on God’s Promises found in Jeremiah 29:11 and Ephesians 3:20.

“For I know the plans I have you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”   Jeremiah 29:11

Glory be to God who by his mighty power at work within us is able to do far more than we could ever dare to ask or even dream of.        Ephesians 3:20

Allow those promises to seep into your heart as you read. In my journey, I have found that it is these two verses that act as a soothing balm to surround my wounded hurting heart. Take these verses today and bind them to your heart. Claim those promises.

Trusting God isn’t as hard as waiting on God. It’s the waiting that is so incredibly hard.

But realize you are waiting on something that is better than you can imagine today.

You are waiting on something more and if you are a Child of God and your trust is in Him, your something more is coming. 

100_4420

I placed a white rose on the table to represent Little Bug because to me white symbolizes redemption and only our God could take something as ugly as infertility and make something beautiful come out of it.

Even in the midst of today’s pain, believe that God’s something more for you is coming.

9 thoughts on “Today

  1. Yes, Believe! As difficult as this whole journey has been for Elaine and Dave, I’ve often heard her say that she knew that one day she would be a mother. Being willing to accept God’s plan and will has always been part of her focus. To God be the glory.

  2. I have followed some little part of your journey and been amazed by your faith and your maturity. I have held you in my prayers. I rejoice with the promise of your little girl to come.
    I am a friend of your grandmother Hilda and live in Brazil. In fact, you came to my wedding in Raleigh in 1992. I have had my own struggles with infertility, so I can empathize. I never gave birth to my children and today I found the courage to write about Mother’s Day for one who lost her babies.

  3. Hi, I am in the same town as you, and also have seen Dr. L. I found your site, when looking for some information on Dr. L and it came up in a post on some other site.I found out today that my second IVF was unsuccessful.I came back to your site to read your words because they are so true and comforting. Sometimes, I feel like I’m drowning in infertility, but I have taken God’s hand and I am alive! And on this day, I have Hope, strangely enough. You may not want to disclose this information, but I am curious what adoption agency you are working with. I think I’m ready to continue this journey, wherever it takes me. Thanks and I understand if you can’t mention names. God Bless You. MTS

  4. Hi Elaine, I have not been to your blog in a while. (Your Mom has been sending some via email to me.) I love your writing for Mother’s Day. Thanks for sharing!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *