Reflections on my journey to Little Bug

The journey that has brought me to this place is simply amazing.

Starting out 2 years ago just trying to get pregnant, I never imagined where God was going to lead me. But where He leads I will follow and He lead me down the darkest road I’ve ever had to travel. It was filled with heartache and pain, sorrow, sadness and many, many tears. There were days I didn’t know if I could go on.

There is only one thing that gave me the willpower to press on – my faith in Jesus Christ.

I knew God’s word promised in Jeremiah 29:11 that God had plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me hope and a future.

Because I knew that with my head and believed that with all my heart, I knew the trials I found myself in were simply temporary. I knew God was at work, about to do something great in my life – something more than I could imagine – if only I stepped back in surrender and said, “Not my will be done Lord, but Yours.”

Walking this journey required faith in Jesus Christ to wait on the Lord to move when it was time to move and to know constantly that He held me up during those extremely dark days.

I did not walk this journey in my own strength. I walked in the strength of the Lord and believed with every step that God is a faithful God and He would bring His mighty plan for my life to fruition for His Glory.

And so I waited on the Lord and I, along with everyone who has followed my journey, have witnessed a miracle of God.

God opened our hearts to adoption back in December 2008. At the time, we were in the thick of infertility treatments and did not know yet God’s timing for us to pursue adoption.

In March of 2009, after our first attempt at IVF failed miserably, I felt God asking me to surrender my desire for pregnancy and childbirth to Him and pursue adoption immediately.

Surrendering my desire for pregnancy to God was probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It was the first time God had asked me to step out in faith not knowing what the future held. When I would question God and ask Him why He had given me this desire since childhood only to ask me to give it to Him, the only response I got from Him was, “TRUST ME.”

Towards the end of March 2009, I got a sense of urgency to turn in our paperwork to the adoption agency as soon as possible.

On April 9, 2009, I walked into the adoption agency to turn in our paperwork. As long as I live I will never forget what the lawyer told me that very day, “We had an adoption fall through this past week. If you would like a baby girl in June, you can have one!”

Forty-eight days later, Little Bug entered this world on May 27, 2009, at 7:11am. Eighty-one hours after her birth, Dave and I officially became her parents. 

While this journey was full of heartache and a pain that is hard to describe adequately in words, we now stand on the mountaintop with God, praising His wonderful name for what He has done.

Little Bug is here on this earth not by chance or by accident. Little Bug is not our “second-best” at achieving parenthood. Little Bug is a miracle and God planned for her to be our little girl since time began.

As I stand back and look at the entire journey, one thing clearly stands out. Our Heavenly Father loves us with a love like no other. We are His children and He has plans for our lives that are far better and far greater than anything we can plan for ourselves. We must step out in faith and trust in His plan, even when things are not making sense and there are many unknowns.

Our journey to reach this place and Little Bug’s life is a testimony to the Truth found in Jeremiah 29:11.



10 thoughts on “Reflections on my journey to Little Bug

  1. We are thrilled as we stand on this side of your 2 year journey and can look back and see God's wonderful hand at work, bringing to fruition your precious family unit. I am looking so forward to getting to meet Little Bug on Monday. Love you all so very much!

  2. Found your blog, not sure how. Just wanted to offer my congrats and say that "Little Bug" is beautiful. God is good, and His ways are always better than ours!

  3. What did I tell you about making me cry, Elaine??? 🙂 When I met you almost 11 years ago, (yep, it's been that long), I knew you were born to be a mother. I have questioned God many times over the years on your behalf. I couldn't understand, but now I realize I wasn't being faithful. God's plan and timing is perfect. Thank you for allowing God to use you to teach me (and probably many others) this valuable lesson. My heart is so full of joy as I think about you, Dave and Little Bug!! I love all of you!! Ashlie

    p.s. I'm so glad your Aunt Naomi is coming!! I know that is going to be a great day!!

  4. This post was beautiful! God is great and his plans are far better than ours! Trusting him was the best thing you did!

  5. Today I found myself thinking about the miracle of Little Bug and tears threatened to spill out of my eyes. This Grandma is just so blessed to have Little Bug join our family.

    The hardest thing for a mother to see is her child suffer. It doesn't matter how old she/he is. It's been so hard seeing the pain Elaine and Dave have gone through these past two years. That pain makes the joy even more special now. I praise the Lord for what He has done in their lives through this journey. I am so proud of them. God's WILL is indeed the BEST place to be.

  6. I am new to your blog but wanted to say how much I enjoyed this post. Although I have not had a chance to read about your entire journey, it is clear that God played a huge role in the way things worked out with your Little Bug. Congratulations on your beautiful daughter.

  7. I'm currently in the middle of my second IVF. my first time I was very nervous. I tried desperately to control the situation, which failed. This time I've given in to gods will. I realise that there's nothing I can do to change the outcome. I can only have faith. I feel re-assurred after reading your story that I'm doing it the right way this time around, regardless of the end result. Thank you for sheding some light on this difficult time of mine. Enjoy your wonderful miracle.

  8. I just found your post. I struggle with infertility in the form of PCOS. It was fine to be infertile when I didn't want kids and wasn't ready to be a mom but now, of course, its a nightmare. I spent the last hour or more reading and weeping as I, too, have fallen back in my faith to deal with this madness. I wanted to throw in the towel and remembered, Its not up to me. I googled God and infertility and there you were. Little Bug is gorgeous. Its so wonderful to see her be blessed with such devoted parents, in more ways than one! Congrats and thank you for being my inspiration.

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