I love coming to my blog, going to the archives and reading posts from months ago.
I did that last night and came across something I wrote back in February of this year. I was days away from starting my March 2009 IVF cycle.
Here is a piece of what I wrote:
I feel so weak right now. Honestly, I feel like I want to run to the side line and quit. I’m scared and nervous. I want everything to go perfectly and at the end of the month I want to finally see two pink lines and one word: PREGNANT. But I may run this race at full speed and not end up with that result.
It’s all about focus and keeping my eyes on the Lord. I can’t take my eyes off for a moment or I will stumble.
I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. I can do whatever is coming my way in God’s strength. Whatever God is going to ask of me next I know He will equip me with the strength and power – HIS STRENGTH AND POWER – to do it.
God, I want a baby at the end of this marathon!! But not my will, Lord. Not my will. May Your will be done.
On this very night I surrender this cycle to you, God. When something “doesn’t go right” I can know I’m not the one in control. You are.
God, give me strength to run this race in a way that only serves to point people to You. I pray this IVF cycle will be used for your glory.
The time has come. It is time to do IVF. I’m at the starting line just about to take off.
This sentence stuck out to me: When something “doesn’t go right” I can know I’m not the one in control. You are.
Every single aspect of my IVF cycle went wrong! Nothing went my way at all!
But, I wasn’t the one in control and neither was my doctor.
Through that situation I have learned that when life seems to be falling apart (and that is certainly how I felt as I learned IVF wouldn’t even work for us), God still has a plan. Sometimes God has to take us to rock bottom before revealing that marvelous plan.
We can find rest in that we don’t have to be in control of anything! God hung the moon, rotates the earth and keeps the universe in order. He has a plan for our lives even when it seems nothing is going right.
God had a plan for me that went beyond a successful IVF cycle.
And now, six months later, I wouldn’t take a successful IVF cycle over what God gave me for anything!