going to the archives

I love coming to my blog, going to the archives and reading posts from months ago.

I did that last night and came across something I wrote back in February of this year. I was days away from starting my March 2009 IVF cycle.

Here is a piece of what I wrote:

I feel so weak right now. Honestly, I feel like I want to run to the side line and quit. I’m scared and nervous. I want everything to go perfectly and at the end of the month I want to finally see two pink lines and one word: PREGNANT. But I may run this race at full speed and not end up with that result.

It’s all about focus and keeping my eyes on the Lord. I can’t take my eyes off for a moment or I will stumble.

I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. I can do whatever is coming my way in God’s strength. Whatever God is going to ask of me next I know He will equip me with the strength and power – HIS STRENGTH AND POWER – to do it.

God, I want a baby at the end of this marathon!! But not my will, Lord. Not my will. May Your will be done.

On this very night I surrender this cycle to you, God. When something “doesn’t go right” I can know I’m not the one in control. You are.

God, give me strength to run this race in a way that only serves to point people to You. I pray this IVF cycle will be used for your glory.

The time has come. It is time to do IVF. I’m at the starting line just about to take off.


This sentence stuck out to me: When something “doesn’t go right” I can know I’m not the one in control. You are.

Every single aspect of my IVF cycle went wrong! Nothing went my way at all!

But, I wasn’t the one in control and neither was my doctor.

Through that situation I have learned that when life seems to be falling apart (and that is certainly how I felt as I learned IVF wouldn’t even work for us), God still has a plan. Sometimes God has to take us to rock bottom before revealing that marvelous plan.

We can find rest in that we don’t have to be in control of anything! God hung the moon, rotates the earth and keeps the universe in order. He has a plan for our lives even when it seems nothing is going right.

God had a plan for me that went beyond a successful IVF cycle.

And now, six months later, I wouldn’t take a successful IVF cycle over what God gave me for anything!

5 thoughts on “going to the archives

  1. Amen! Wonderful … God's Plan … if we could always remember we MUST surrender to HIS WILL.

    Through all your journey, that is one thing you always said … YOUR WILL, NOT MINE.

    To God be the Glory, as you like to say often. :>)

  2. I Love what you said,"I wouldn’t take a successful IVF cycle over what God gave me for anything!" It just brings so much glory to God and it's so encouraging.

  3. What a beautiful blog. Faith is one of the biggest things getting me through this infertility. Thanks for such an inspirational blog!

  4. Compared to me, you are very young. Yet your blog is one that I come to when I'm looking for encouragement. Like Timothy you have been used to help even those older than him. This time you have reminded me that in the darkest days, God does have a plan. It's not always the way we see it but he has a plan. And on the other side often we can look back and see his woderful hand working. Thank you for being used by God to remind me of this. I need to look back and remember the many times God delivered us to something better after the darkest days of our lifes. He has been faithful time and time again.

    Thank you,

  5. Your baby girl is so adorable. Your prayer and faith is encouraging and exactly what I need at this time before enter IVF treatments. I am scared that I won't get pregant but I am also scared that I will because it will be difficult with my neck pains. But I am trusting in God if it is his miracle.

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