This week I’ve been remembering where I was a year ago around this time …
The end of March 2009 will always be remembered as the low of the low before the high of the high.
I was coming to terms with the fact I’d most likely never have a biological child and my mom and I were working everyday on getting our Family Profile put together to turn into the adoption agency.
Now that I am not living those days between March 8th, 2009, when I found out I would most likely never conceive, to April 9th, 2009, when I turned in our adoption paperwork and was told we could have a baby in two months, I love to think about those 32 days.
I especially like to think about the spiritual aspect of those days.
I had been walking the hardest road to date of my life for the past year and a half. I had had to make choices along the way of whether I was going to be mad, and stay mad at God, or if I was going to trust His words in Scripture and believe with all my heart that He did have a plan for my life in all this and it was a plan that was better than anything I imagine.
I chose to believe in the marvelous plan God had for my life.
It was so hard to wait. I lived knowing God had a plan for my life concerning becoming a mother but having absolutely no clue whatsoever what that plan might be.
I can remember thinking many times, “If only God would just give me a little hint and tell me, ‘By this date, you’ll be a mom.’”
That is just not the way God works – thank goodness.
Had God told me, “Ok, Elaine. It’s April 9th, 2009. That is the date things will turn around for you. It is on that day you will go to the adoption agency and the lawyer will tell you you and Dave can have a baby by June. There. Do you feel better now?”, I would have missed out on so much.
I would have missed out on developing a trust in God that was truly a trust in God to take care of every little detail of my life. I reached the point where I knew things were totally out of my control and I was at the mercy of God to play out His plan for my life.
April 8th, 2009, I was still waiting. Still waiting for God to come through and reveal this plan that was better than anything I could imagine.
April 9th, 2009, God knew the time had come. I woke up that morning like I did every morning. I had no clue a miracle was about to happen before my very eyes.
I like to imagine God on this day being so excited that this day had finally come. He knew what was about to happen as I walked into that lawyer’s office. He had been planning every small detail.
September 2009, He created a life in a woman named Tracy. In September 2009, God chose to not create life in my womb during one of my IUI cycles.
In December 2009, God lead Tracy to the adoption agency because Tracy knew she could not parent this child for multiple reasons. In December 2009, God opened our hearts to adoption.
On April 9th, 2009, God lead me to the same adoption agency that Tracy had contacted back in December. I was told that day there was a baby available for adoption in June. Over the next couple of days, Tracy saw our profile and met us and chose us to parent her baby girl.
It was 10 months ago today that Tracy signed her papers making Little Bug our little girl forever.
Words are inadequate to describe the emotion of that day, but a picture might do it some justice:
Over the past 7 weeks we had been eyewitnesses to a miracle that God had performed.
Those days were surreal.
And just like God had promised in his Word, His Plan was better than anything we could have imagined.
His Plan was Little Bug.
Again, words are inadequate to describe our love for this little girl.
A year ago, I dreamed of a one day being a mommy to a precious little girl.
And now, I cannot imagine being a mommy to any other little girl on this earth other than my Little Bug.