when God says no
My heart breaks for J and her husband, G. They will not be bringing that baby girl home as their daughter. A has decided to parent her child.
Back in July I wrote a post pleading for people to pray that God would intervene and save the life of a man named Bryan who had been hit by a car and was on life support.
J’s adoption fell through and Bryan died leaving a wife and two young sons.
You can’t help but ask why in situations like these.
J has waited 5 years to become a mother. In a 2-week time span J received the call from the adoption agency that there was a birth mom interested in her profile. J meets the birth mom, they are matched, J prepares for the birth of her daughter and goes to the hospital to meet her daughter on the day of her birth.
And then, A chooses to parent her daughter.
Why did she even have to go through those 2 weeks only to have her heart crushed?
Bryan was living His life for Christ. Seriously, this man was not like anyone you have ever met before. He literally shared Jesus with everyone he came in contact with. He did not wear a watch because he lived on “Jesus Time” and did not want to miss out on an opportunity to share Christ with someone because he was going to be late to somewhere else!
Why would God take someone like that? Doesn’t the world need people like that in it?
I cannot answer those questions however there are several verses in the Bible that can answer those questions for us.
The first one being found in Isaiah 55:8-9:
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”
As humans, our thinking is limited. Our way of reasoning things out is not the way God thinks. I like the part of this verse that says, “… so are my ways higher than your ways…”
Our God is a BIG God! God’s ways (God Plan) are bigger and better than the way we would have it!
If you’ve been following my blog for long you know that God taught me this truth as I walked the road of infertility.
I prayed and prayed and prayed some more that God would PLEASE allow me to get pregnant. Many of you prayed right along with me.
God said no.
Why?
Because He had something bigger, something better.
When we find ourselves in a situation where God says no, it is imperative to cling to this verse which gives us incredible hope despite bleak circumstances:
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11
What more could we ask for??
God has a plan for J, but not only does He have plan for J but His plan will prosper her, will not harm her and His plan gives her hope and a future!
What does that mean now for her?
When I left RE’s office with the devastating news that my ovaries are essentially rotten I had to cling to Jeremiah 29:11. I didn’t know God’s Plan at that time. I had to surrender my desires and press on, trusting God to reveal His Plan in His Time. Until then, you just have to keep plugging along with each and every day, knowing God is at work even when there is no evidence that He is doing anything.
God has said no, so that can mean only one thing:
He’s got something bigger and something better planned!
Labels: Asking why, The Miracle of Little Bug, Trusting God
2 People have left comments on this post
Amen! Hard to understand but that is where FAITH comes in.
Thank you for your post. I am in a different place. I’ve made that walk out of an RE’s office. Only for MF infertility. Out of obediance to this God, I continue to choose the husband of my youth over the potential know the joys of pregnancy. Why does God want me to stay married to a man who is infertile and refuses to allow me to seek treatment? What kind of loving father sentences his little girl to the heartache and grief of barreness? What kind of plan or lesson does He have for me? When someone says it’s God’s will, I hear: “God doesn’t want you to have the fundamental female experience of pregnancy and birth. He doesn’t want to protect you from the health risks associated with never giving birth (i.e. increased risk of ovarian and breast cancers, increased menstral cramps, earlly menopause leading to heart disease and bone loss. He’d rather strip teenage girls of their potential, torment victims of abuse, and allow starving women to have babies only to watch them die in their arms from malnutrion–but, you? Oh no, God doesn’t care about your dreams and plans and hopes and desires. The infinitely powerful God sees you, hears you cry yourself to sleep, and has decided to prevent you from having getting pregnant.” Is that what a loving Father wants? Is that His better plan? I am mad a God and His plan for me. I feel completely abandoned by Him. And all the while I know… I know that all I have to do is file for divorce… all I have to do is pay $600 and beautiful healthy sperm will be delivered to my door in two days. So if God is testing my faith, what prize do I get if He wins? Barreness in this life; oh but I won’t cry anymore once I’m dead. Is that supposed to give me hope? Well, it doesn’t.
Please don’t email me. I doubt you’ll leave this post on your blog. It is just that blogs like yours really irritate me and I wanted to share the honest feelings of someone who hasn’t reached the “acceptance” stage of grief over her life sentence of barreness.