New Year, New Baby

December 13, 2010, began as a typical Monday morning for Little Bug and me. We woke up, bid Dada good bye as he went off to work, ate breakfast together, cleaned the kitchen, read books, went on a walk, had Independent Playtime and then sat down together again at the table for lunch.

And then at 1:03pm my cell phone rang.

It was the lawyer from my adoption agency. She had some questions to ask me about Little Bug’s birth mother, Tracy.

My heart was racing because I feared she was calling me to tell me Tracy was pregnant. I breathed a sigh of relief because we have just recently decided that around Little Bug’s 2nd birthday will be the perfect time to start the adoption process for #2. And we want our children closer to three years apart rather than two.

So I began to breath again as I answered the questions about Tracy.

And then, my lawyer sucked every bit of air out of my lungs when she proceeded to say, “Well…Tracy is pregnant.”

I said, “WHAT?!?!? She’s pregnant?” as I spooned another helping of mac and cheese onto Little Bug’s tray to keep her occupied as I tried to dog paddle myself to the surface so I could breath again.

The lawyer said, “Yes, she is. About 10 or 11 weeks.”

My next question was, “Does she want to place with us?”

To which I heard, “Yes.”

I asked the lawyer, “So… August? She’s due in August if she is 10 weeks?”

I don’t remember what she told me but as soon as I hung up with her, I went to the calendar on my cellphone and counted the weeks starting with 10 until I got to 40.

And then I subtracted a couple weeks because Tracy tends to deliver at least 2 weeks early.

And I discovered this baby will most likely be born at the end of June or the beginning of July.

I hung up with the lawyer and had this overwhelming urge to pluck Little Bug from her highchair and leave my kitchen in the mess it was from lunch, and hightail it to my parents’ house to share the news.

And then I realized what day it was. December 13th – Christmas was only twelve days away!

I have always dreamed of making a pregnancy announcement at Christmas.  I was hoping Christmas 2007 would be the year my dream would become a reality, but, a few days before Christmas, I tested and got a negative.

I remember shopping with my mom at the mall and trying to keep the tears at bay. I failed and I knew I must look a sight walking around the mall three days before Christmas with tears rolling down my face.

I stopped dead in my tracks of plucking Little Bug out of the highchair to rush to my parents’ and instead began formulating the Grandest Christmas Surprise of All for my family and Dave’s family on Christmas Day.

And then I realized something else.

I could surprise my husband too, which is hard to do when it comes to growing your family through adoption.

After Little Bug’s nap we headed to the store to find a particular item: a BIG SISTER onesie.

I envisioned her wearing it when her Daddy got home from work with me in the background waiting to see how long it would take for him to notice the shirt and understand it’s message.

After trekking to not one but four stores in about an hour’s time and finding only LITTLE SISTER onesies I gave up when Dave called and said he was on his way home from work.

I told him I was out running some errands. When I told him specifically where we were, he asked if I wanted to meet at our favorite restaurant for dinner.

We walked in as I was trying to figure out how I was going to creatively break the news to Dave using only the English language with no prop.

Turns out Dave set the stage beautifully and I ran with it.

We sat down with our food, got Little Bug situated, said the prayer and began eating.

Then Dave asked, “So, what were you shopping for?”

I said, “Oh, just a BIG SISTER onesie for Little Bug.”

I looked up to see my husband looking at me with this shocked, strange, bewildered look on his face as the wheels in his head were spinning at top-notch speed as he tried to figure out why in the world I would need to buy our daughter a BIG SISTER onesie.

Finally, I gave him a clue.

“I’m not pregnant, but someone else is.”

He’s a smart man. He immediately said, “Tracy?”

And I said, “Yes.”

And then Little Bug threw up.

I am not kidding.

She got choked up on something she was eating which made her lose some of her dinner.

We spent the remainder of the time cleaning up puke and our child while discussing the news at hand.

I called the lawyer back two days later to tell her if Tracy wants to place with us and if we can get all the details in order, we want this baby.

From the time Little Bug was still a teeny weeny baby, I have felt that God wasn’t done with Tracy and us yet. I didn’t necessarily think another baby would be involved, but I’ve had this feeling for over a year now that God would somehow bring her back into our lives for some specific purpose.

Looking back, God started preparing my heart for this back in October – which was the month this baby was conceived.

If you remember, it was during the month of October that I posted Journey to #2. During the time God was creating another life in the womb of Tracy, God was preparing my heart to once again surrender to the will of God and go with His perfect plan.

In October, God also gave me a serene sense of peace. I found myself starting to worry about the logistics and emotions of another adoption in the future.

And then I remembered my journey to Little Bug. God carried me every step of the way. My plan had been pregnancy while His plan was adoption. His plan was greater than my wildest dreams!

And I knew on that October day that God was asking me, “Elaine, do you think I am going to leave you now to figure things out on your own?”

I knew then and I know now that the answer was (and still is!) no. I knew God already had a plan for #2 and I knew it would be better than anything I could plan for myself. Little did I know at that time that #2 was already conceived and on his or her way!

And so on that October day, I put my faith in the Lord again and chose to live in complete surrender to God and to trust His plan for my life.

Such a freeing place to be!

I lived paranoid during the seven weeks we were awaiting the birth of Little Bug. I was constantly fearful of everything imaginable.

I refuse to live that way for the next six to seven months.

When my mind rolls with worries (because I know it will!) I know God is telling me to take one step at a time. I cannot look at the big picture of this whole journey ahead of me. If I do, I will send myself into cardiac arrest.

One step at a time.

The emotions swimming in my head since December 13th are as numerous as the stars.

I am completely humbled that God would pour out this blessing on me. I am scared to go through this again. I am excited that Little Bug is going to be a big sister to a biological sibling. I am apprehensive about having two children, 25 months apart. I am shocked that it happened this fast…again. I know that I am incredibly blessed to adopt twice in 2 years and to have never been on the wait list. I am so excited that I have no idea if this baby is a girl or boy. I am elated that God has brought Tracy back into our lives for another season because I am hopeful that God is going to use us to minister to Tracy and show her God’s Love.

Overall, the next six to seven months are going to be one wild ride but, I am at peace.

It’s time for another journey of faith to #2!