Small Cardboard Box

I am doing some major reorganization in this house. Going through closets and getting rid of stuff, making room for office stuff to go in the hall closet and hall closet stuff to go in our master closet.

I found some organizational bins today at Wal Mart for $5, put Little Bug to bed tonight and went on an organizational frenzy.

I love going through closets, drawers, cabinets and getting rid of stuff!

Call me crazy, but I love to see stuff leaving my house by the bag load. I hate clutter and I hate things sitting in my house for decades that never get used.

Funny story: Tonight at dinner my parents received a call from Vietnam Veterans asking if they had anything for pick up on Thursday morning. As my dad was saying no, I hollered, “Let me talk to them! I have a bunch of stuff sitting in the garage waiting to go!”

He handed me the phone and the lady switched gears and set up a pick up at my house instead on Thursday morning!

I also hit up my bathroom cabinets under the sink. As Dave put all the stuff that I had put in the overflowing trash can into a trash bag I said with excitement, “Look at that huge bag of trash that was just sitting in our bathroom cabinets! And now it is outta here!”

He just looked at me like I had lost my mind.

As I was rearranging items in our closet to make room for two storage bins I wanted to place in there, I found a small cardboard box in the very corner of the top shelf.

I knew what was in there as soon as I saw it.

It was the left over meds from our IUI and IVF cycles.

I do keep some stuff.

I remember way back when, gathering all the left over meds, needles and syringes and packing them neatly in that small box just in case one day we wanted to venture back into the world of infertility treatments.

I had seen that little box sitting there multiple times over the past year and a half and I was never really ready to get rid of it.

Until tonight.

I pulled it down from the top shelf, walked into the bathroom, sat on the floor and opened the box. Dave walked into the bathroom about that time and sat down next to me. I asked him to help me take my name off the labels.

We sat there, ripping my name and address to shreds and reminisced about that season of our life.

As Dave pulled out an unused package of needles he asked me, “Do you think you could still give yourself shots?”

I told him, “Yes, I think I could.”

One thing (and there are a million things) infertility taught me is that I can do anything I put my mind to…when I find my strength in the Lord.

We finished going through the box and as Dave left with the huge bag of trash, I realized something else.

Getting rid of the contents of that box tonight really does solidify in my mind that I have completely worked through the emotions of never being pregnant and my heart, mind and soul have completely let go of any inkling of hope that I will one day achieve a pregnancy.

It’s all in the past now.

And that is where it will stay. My heart is completely content and thrilled to be throwing all that stuff away tonight.

Yes, I will always be infertile. It is a title I will take with me to the grave, however, my infertility does not define me today.

Oh no, there is much beauty that has come from the ashes of my infertility.

Satan meant for my infertility to steal my joy, to kill and to destroy my spirit. But I stand firm in the Lord tonight, declaring to the world that I am more alive and free than I have ever been in my entire life.

Infertility did not destroy me!

It beat me down, that is for sure.

But I chose to put my faith in the Lord during my darkest hour and I am here to tell you that God is faithful.

I named my blog, God’s Faithfulness Through Infertility because I knew (in my head) when I started walking the road of infertility that God’s faithfulness would pull me through.

Now, I know that in my heart.

To GOD be the glory! Great things He has done.

And is doing.

5 thoughts on “Small Cardboard Box

  1. That is great! I wondered when your heart would be able to let go of that box. What a wonderful testimony to the power of God to heal our hearts!

  2. I have tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat because I know about what you’ve described here. I have 3 boxes of leftover meds still in my bathroom closet as well. It’s hard to throw them away because (like you’ve described) with them goes all possibility of any future biological children. So they just sit there. You’re so mature in being satisfied with your lot in life and you truly inspire me. What a huge step to throw them away with a thankful heart.

  3. That was a wondful post!!!! It reminds me of the scripture, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

    That simple act not only made space in your closet 🙂 but also seems to symbolize the burden is lifted. You have received His yoke, His plan for you, His “Something More” and she’s so wonderful I can’t imagine your life without her! God is so great! . . . and you’re pretty awesome too sister!

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