It is nights like last night that I wish…
… Dave and I could plan our family and be more in control of when things happen. You never know with adoption. You can start the process and have no wait time (like Little Bug’s adoption) or end up waiting years for THE CALL.
… dealing with another birth mom wasn’t in the cards for us.
… we could spend the first moments of our child’s life knowing that that child really is ours. Instead, the first two days of our child’s life is going to spent on pins and needles until TPR is signed.
… I didn’t have to worry whether my child will be exposed to drugs or even have prenatal care.
And then I wake up (after only a couple hours of sleep) and I am reminded why as I walk into Little Bug’s bedroom.
She greeted me this morning by saying, “Poop. Tub.”
She woke up with last night’s events on her mind, apparently.
Last night she pooped in the bathtub – a first since she was probably 3 months old.
I heard something that made me suspect this might be going on, but I didn’t hear what I used to hear most every night.
So I assumed things were under control.
(Daddy’s come a long way in handling things like a pro.)
Anyway, I know why.
We all have something in our lives that God uses to show us our need for Him. Something that requires us to put our trust in Him, surrender to our own will and desires and walk in obedience with Him as He takes the something and uses it for His good and His Glory.
I know that is why.
There is no doubt in my mind.
My something is my inability to conceive because of endometriosis and other issues.
I wouldn’t change a thing, though. If it wasn’t for all that, I wouldn’t be Little Bug’s mother.
I just sometimes wish things could be a little easier.
But it’s not, so I can either sulk and feel sorry for myself or jump on the band-wagon of the next miracle God will do.
I’m jumping on, because even though at this point in my life, I have no idea when and how God will bring us #2, His promise stands strong as ever.
God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.
I’m not itching for a baby, now, by the way.
In fact, just before we received the phone call from the lawyer, Dave and I had decided that after Little Bug turns two, we will start the adoption process for #2.
Neither of us felt ready to tell the lawyer to match us with a new birth mother as soon as possible after things with Tracy fell through.
There is no sense of urgency whatsoever.
I am quite content with my little family of three, but I know I won’t be in the future because I want Little Bug to have a sibling.
Little Bug wouldn’t make a good only-child! She needs a playmate!
And I know the baby itch for me isn’t too far off. It will come again.
All this serves as a real good reminder to us all.
God’s in control of my family planning and He’s also in control of whatever your something is.
For me, it’s a matter of realizing that I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. (Phil. 4:13)
God is going to give me what I need to go through another adoption.
Exactly what I need at the precise time I need it.
He did that with Little Bug’s adoption. He did it during this recent situation with Tracy.
And He is going to do it again as we start the adoption process in the future.
For when I am weak, it is then that I am strong because my strength comes from the Lord.
Praise God, from whom all blessings flow!
Thank you for all the “hugs” in the form of sponsoring puzzle pieces for Nastya’s adoption.
I need some more, though. Click here, if you want to sponsor a puzzle piece and give me a hug.
It put a huge smile on my face to see that some of you have sponsored puzzle pieces. Thank you for helping to make a difference in the life of a 13 year old girl named Nastya.
And if you are reading this but missed what I said at 4am this morning, click here.