We always want answers as to “Why?”. Here is one.

I have always questioned why God had us do that IVF cycle. The one that failed miserably because my ovaries only produced one egg. The cycle had to be cancelled and was converted to our fourth IUI.

Remember the Lone Ranger? Yep, I named that one little egg The Lone Ranger and we all prayed that God would intervene and still give us a miracle.

That month came and went with no pregnancy, just like the rest of them.

To this very day, I have always wondered why God wanted us to do that IVF cycle.

After all, in December of 2008, God opened our hearts to adoption. I have always wondered why He didn’t just want us to start the adoption process right then instead of “wasting” time doing that IVF cycle.

I was just now rewriting “Our Story” for my blog and it hit me like a ton of bricks.

When Tracy was pregnant with Little Bug, she first contacted the adoption agency in December of 2008.

It is interesting how that is the same exact time that God opened our hearts to adoption.

God very well could have had us contact the agency in December of 2008. We very well could have been matched with Tracy in December or January.

Tracy’s due date was June 14, 2009.

We would have had approximately 6 months to “deal with Tracy” and all the drama that comes with her.

God knew I couldn’t handle dealing with Tracy for 6 whole months!

So, he gave us a little distractor.

And that distractor was our March 2009 IVF cycle.

We went through that IVF cycle, which was by far the darkest days of my infertility journey.

Oh, those were painful days. I learned that I would mostly likely never conceive and have a biological child and at that point and time in my life, that news crushed me to my very core.

When we find ourselves in those places in life, it is so easy to question God.

God, why are you letting me experience this pain?

God, why don’t you take this from me and just allow me to be pregnant?

Please hear me on this one.

Even during your darkest hour, God has your best interest in mind.

On the day we learned that my ovaries had only produced one egg, God was moving in my heart already and I knew the time had come:

God wanted us to stop all infertility treatments and pursue adoption immediately.

There was a sense of urgency in my heart.

My mom and I worked non-stop to get our adoption family profile made.

April 7th, 2009, we were ready to turn our adoption paperwork in.

I walked into the agency, handed the paperwork in to the lawyer and learned the family that was supposed to adopt Little Bug, had backed out just that last week.

Tracy was very anxious to find another adoptive family for her baby.

She was two months away from her due date.

And so began the 48 days I had contact with Tracy before Little Bug’s birth. (Just one day shy of the amount of days I had contact with her recently as we thought we would adopt another baby born from her in July of 2011.)

God knew Little Bug was our daughter. He knew Tracy was going to place her with us. He knew of Tracy’s drama. And in His great mercy, He spared me from having to deal with her drama for six entire months before Little Bug’s birth.

Instead it was “only” 6 weeks and 6 days.

So many times, when we are going through a trial in life, it is so easy to assume God has forgotten us or is allowing us to experience pain because of something we did or said. We think God isn’t moving or at work in our lives and we feel we will be stuck in this trial forever.

Please see the truth here!

God is always protecting us, always loving us and He always has our best interest in mind. 

I never understood why the IVF cycle was a part of God’s plan for my life.

Almost two years later, I clearly see that IVF cycle was God’s way of protecting me from a long, long, long six months of drama.

If you find yourself in a situation that you are not sure why God has allowed you to be in this place, just wait. God is up to something.

And you better believe He has your best interest in mind.

7 thoughts on “We always want answers as to “Why?”. Here is one.

  1. Thank you so much for this posting. You don’t know me, my name is Kerstin and I live in Germany. I found your blog through Amandas blog. Your blog posting is an answer to our prayers. We’re going through a difficult time right now. Two days ago I was told that it would need a miracle for me to get pregnant naturally or through IUI. The doctor said we should do IVF in Austria. Right now we don’t have the money for that and it’s also not the right time since my husband deploys to Afghanistan in a couple of month. IVF is something I never wanted to do, it’s one of my biggest fears. I cried alot the last two days. My husband thinks God is punishing us, he feels like he stole our dream when the IUI we had last October failed. Reading your posting is like a direct answer from God. You have no idea how much it means to me, I had tears in my eyes when I read it. God is still in control. Thank you and many Greetings from Germany.
    Kerstin

  2. Wow Elaine! What an insightful post. Sometimes it is so hard to understand why God would allow us to go through the trials we experience and I know we won’t always have answers but I love it when we can go back and see God’s hand guiding us the entire way.
    This post is going to help a lot of people!

  3. WOW!!! Thank you so much for this post… I am tearing up. I’m there (in that place you spoke of) now. I have not been mad at God once since starting this IF journey but this morning I was just a little angry with him (just a little LOL). I mean I KNOW he can make my ovary work & allow us to get pg… I KNOW He can do this but He’s not instead, like you, He’s calling me to adopt. I know in my head everything you said but sometimes it’s hard to convince my heart of that. The pain is soooooooooooo much at times. But I’m trusting & leaning on HIM to get me through this… some way some how.

    Lord, thank you so much for IF sisters like Elaine who can speak Your word & give so many of us with broken hearts the encouragement we need. Lord, bless her & her beautiful family & watch over all our IF sisters still going through this journey & all those who have lost a child way too early. Wrap your arms around all of them/us & give all of us peace that surpasses all understanding. Guide each & every one of us to walk in YOUR path. I honestly don’t know what’d I’d do without you. I love you so very much. In Jesus’ precious & holy name, Amen.

    P.S. I’m the “Amanda” Kerstin referred to in her post. =)

  4. thank you for posting. I wonder why upon searching for a friend’s blog, i clicked on this link. I am suffering from infertility for almost 5 years now and ended up in3 miscarriages. just imagine what ive been through all this years. i hope and i pray that each one of us will be blessed soon. baby dust to all

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