It’s already a totally different journey than the journey that took us to Little Bug.
We aren’t trying to swim up to the surface and catch our breath from infertility treatments and we haven’t been told there is a baby already waiting for us.
This time, we will have some waiting to do.
I have no idea just how long we will have to wait before we are matched, which is why I want to write down some things swarming in my heart right now before the truth that I am about to write about gets clouded through my human perspective.
Which is bound to happen at some point in this journey because, well, I am human.
I don’t want to allow myself to get hung up on the “wait time”. I don’t want one of those “Waiting Tickers” on the side of my blog that keeps track of every single day we are waiting to be matched.
I want to, as much as humanly possible, keep my perspective in line with God’s perspective and, to God, time is of no essence.
He already knows who our next birth mother will be. He already knows the day and the specific hour that we will receive a phone call saying we have been chosen to parent her child.
He already knows this child. He knows whether this child has already been conceived, or not.
He already knows whether we will welcome a baby boy into our home, or another little girl.
He already knows … everything. Every single detail, big and small, is already written out in His Master Plan. He has told me in His word that His plans for my life are good, will prosper me and will bring me hope and a future.
And quite frankly, I am sick and tired of acting like I have any say so in the matter!
I am sick and tired of worrying and fretting over details I have absolutely no control of whatsoever.
I wish I could say that I will walk this journey to #2 completely free of worry, doubt and fear of the unknown.
But I know it will creep in because Satan hates it when I put my complete trust in God.
However, I am bound and determine, through the strength of God’s PEACE within me, to not allow the worry, doubt and fear to consume me as I walk this road.
The fact of the matter here is that God’s got this … and I just gotta roll with it, knowing when things seem a little (or a lot) out of control, God’s still got this.
I don’t want to worry about time, birth mothers and failed adoptions because I really have no control whatsoever over any of those matters.
So, here we go. We’ve already put our name with one lawyer. We are talking to many different avenues and then will make a decision about what other avenues we want to put our name with very soon.
We’ve kept our home study up to date, knowing we wanted to adoption again after Little Bug’s second birthday.
Once we finish our research and make final decisions on who we want to work with, it will be time to wait.
And time to roll.
And time to rebuke Satan’s attacks.
And time to rest in the peace that God’s got this.