Before I go any further let me say this … we are not matched with any birth mother at this point.
Six weeks ago I was driving home from my parents’ house when the thought occurred to me that I had not yet started praying for our next birth mother. I decided that that night, March 8th, would be the first night I would start daily praying for her.
I got home that evening, put Little Bug to bed and as I was winding down and getting ready for bed myself, I received a text message from a friend.
The lawyer that had done her adoption of her little boy had called her and told her of a situation and my friend wanted to know if we were interested.
We decided to pursue it.
My friend gave me the number of the lawyer and I gave her a call the next morning.
I learned that I needed to get a profile together and get it to the lawyer as soon as possible.
March 14th everything was ready to go. Dave and I took the profile to the lawyer and I left there on pins and needles, SO anxious to know if we were going to be chosen or not.
The lawyer had told us that she would take our profile, along with 2-3 others to this woman to look at and choose a family for her baby.
That was a Monday. And by Wednesday I was so anxious and so ready for an answer, either way.
I just wanted to KNOW.
Time continued to pass with no word whatsoever. I decided to call the lawyer myself for an update. I learned that the woman was waiting for something to happen first before she was shown the profiles.
During that week of waiting and waiting and waiting some more, God began to do a work in my life.
God began teaching me something that I knew in my head but had never really, truly lived out in my life.
God is in control, and no matter what, if this baby is the baby God has for us, we will be chosen.
I began to realize that whether we learned the news a day after turning in our profile or a month after we turned in our profile, the outcome would be the same … if this baby was the baby God had for us, we would be chosen. Period. End of discussion. Everything else simply didn’t matter. So I might as well STOP worrying.
The day God laid that on my heart I chose to adopt that as my attitude. I no longer felt the intense anxiety in my heart that made me feel like I had to know yesterday if we were going to be chosen or not.
God had a plan. And if that plan included this particular baby, we would be chosen.
It really was as simple as that.
Another week passed and I learned that what the woman was waiting to happen before she looked at profiles had still not happened!
And so we entered another week of waiting.
But I held strong to what God had taught me and my heart was completely at peace.
While we were in Texas, the lawyer called me and I learned that something had happened to make the lawyer think that she may not hear from the woman again.
Still, I felt unshaken. Solid as a rock, standing on the foundational truth that God was in control.
Being forced into a situation where I literally had no control whatsoever was the best possible thing that could have happened to me. I was forced to just sit and wait…for weeks…weeks that turned into a month.
This week I learned that this woman had indeed gotten in touch with the lawyer and wanted to see the profiles! I knew the exact day and time the lawyer was headed to the woman to show her the profiles.
Even as my body reacted to hearing that our profile was FINALLY going to be shown to this woman, my heart was completely at peace still.
We learned today that, through a string of events of which I cannot share publically, the woman has decided she will not place her child through this lawyer.
It really is hard to explain how I feel right now.
I have never in my life been at a place where I totally feel like I really am NOT in control whatsoever and I am not even going to attempt to take control AND I really can just roll with it.
God’s got this.
This being our journey to #2.
Nothing will separate us from the child God has already chosen to join our family.
Instead of reacting to every thing along the way and allowing it to cause me unnecessary ups and downs along the way, I am just to roll with it, trusting that God will take me where I need to be.
He’s got this.
And I’m just rolling with it.
Oh, and by the way, we are officially getting the ball rolling to start Adoption #2!