I received an email from a reader asking me how I can believe in God since it can not be proven that He really does exist.
I am no Bible scholar and honestly, when I read this email, my first thought was that this email would be better suited for a pastor, not me!
But then I just poured the contents of my heart out to this reader because God IS very alive in my life. He is the reason I walked through the fire of infertility unscathed. He is my Rock, my fortress, my strength, my joy in troubled times.
And HE is the one who orchestrated the Miracle of Little Bug and He is going to do it again as we are now on our journey to #2.
No, I’ve never seen Jesus, but I have witnessed Him at work in my life numerous times and that gives me a voice to answer this reader.
This was my response:
Thank you for your email. I love to hear from readers, especially ones like you that are questioning everything about God. First, I want to say that questioning God is totally normal. Wondering if He exists? Totally normal.
No, we cannot see, touch and literally SEE God. But I know He is real because of what He has done in and through my life. I KNOW sometimes it is terribly hard to trust that He is real and alive and present in our lives everyday, even when we are in a dark tunnel and cannot see the light. HE IS THERE. You just have to learn to look for Him.
And really, this is what faith is all about…believing in the unseen. Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1 And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him. Hebrews 11:6
I can only speak from my personal experience of walking daily with the Lord. God is a very personal God and He speaks to us in very personal ways. I guess on the outside looking in you could say that my faith is so strong because I come from a family where generation after generation has walked with God and had personal relationships with Him. But I know that is simply not the case. Yes, I come from generations of Christian family members BUT their faith does not give me any more or less faith. It is totally the individual’s choice to believe in God to to not believe.
I put my faith in the Lord when I was 8 years old. As a teenager God started working on my life. And by working on my life I mean that He starting building my faith in Him and teaching me truths about Who He is and what He desires from me. It was during my walk through infertility that God really started to do major work in my life to build my character and my faith in Him.
I found myself in a situation that I had NO CONTROL OF WHATSOEVER! As much as I desired to be pregnant, I couldn’t MAKE it happen. Then on March 8th, 2009, when we learned our chances of conceiving, even with IVF, were extremely slim, I found myself in the darkest, lowest, most hopeless place I had ever been in in my entire life. Here I was, a girl who had always dreamed of pregnancy and giving birth to four children, and now I was being told that was never going to happen? You better believe I questioned what God was doing in my life. I mean, hello God!, YOU put this desire in my heart, right??? And now you are NOT going to allow me to conceive…ever?!?!? It made NO SENSE whatsoever to me.
But I also knew something else. I HAD TO CONTINUE TO TRUST GOD. I HAD TOO. WITHOUT FAITH, I had nothing, no hope. So I choose again to put my faith in the Lord and surrender.
As I look back on my journey, I think we don’t realize just how important surrender is in our walk with the Lord. God requires faith, but in order for us to experience the good plans God has for us (Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”) I believe that we must first come to the place of total surrender to GOD’S WILL for our lives. What this means is that we relinquish our need to control, to "fix" things to the way we think God wants.
Since March 8th, 2009, God has really been working on my life and teaching me so much about surrender. I believe it is paramount to discovering God’s Will for our life. I had to totally LET GO of my desire for pregnancy. Instead of feeling deserted and forgotten by God, I surrendered to HIS WILL, not having any clue what His will was, and it was THEN that God did a miracle in my life.
God had opened our hearts to adoption in Dec. 2008. After the cancelled IVF cycle, I knew God was saying no to more treatments and yes to adoption! In obedience to God, I started filling out adoption paperwork and working on a family profile to be shown to prospective birth mothers. If you’ve read my blog, you know the miracle God performed. A little over 2 months after learning I would never conceive, I was holding my baby girl in my arms through the miracle of adoption. The circumstances that brought Little Bug into my life are nothing short of a miracle. Something ONLY God could have orchestrated and done.
And you know what? That was His plan all along! And it was BIGGER and BETTER than my wildest dreams!!! So why did God put that desire in my heart for pregnancy and then not fulfill it? Because He knew He had SOMETHING MORE than even pregnancy to bless me with!
My heart is so full and so content. It is overflowing! God is sooooooo good. You have to choose to trust Him, choose to surrender and then….the rest is totally GOD. Obey where you feel God is leading you to go and then stand back in amazement at what God is going to do through your life because your faith is in Him!
As we are starting our journey to #2, God is already teaching me more about faith and surrender to Him. When the time is right, I will be sharing more on the blog.
I hope what I have shared here has encouraged you in some way. PLEASE write me back with any more questions you may have. I seriously would love to help you figure all this out. Our walks with God are a continuous journey of growth and learning more about God and the truths found in His Word. I would love to help you find your way through this dark tunnel you are in right now. There is HOPE and there is LIGHT, but it is only found in Jesus Christ.
Take care and I hope to hear from you again,