Seeing those ultrasound pictures made it all seem more real to me.
I don’t have a huge belly or little feet jabbing me in the ribs so it is sometimes hard to really comprehend that all this is happening.
But with a purple "office" that is being converted into a new nursery for a new baby, baby showers on the calendar and seeing Sweet Pea’s adorable profile through an ultrasound picture, it seems a little more "real".
I am still very guarded and I will be until we hear that TPR has been signed.
While Little Bug and Sweet Pea’s adoptions have been vastly different in many ways, there is one similarity.
I can remember reaching a point in Little Bug’s adoption where my arms just literally ached to have Little Bug born and in my arms and officially ours.
I can feel myself getting to that place again.
It is not pleasant to be here, because there is nothing I can do to speed up time or to know the final outcome of this adoption.
I know what I need to do but it is a daily battle to choose to trust the Lord and surrender my desire to want to control things that I have absolutely NO control over!
I know God’s got this and I can rest in Him.
I just know I am going to need some extra prayers in this matter over the next few weeks.
This is by far the hardest part of adoption for me…the waiting to know if this is really going to happen, or not.
I know no matter what, God has a plan and He will work His plan out to completion for His ultimate glory. My role in this is really quite simple, but very hard at the same time.
I am to simply trust in the God who has taken me on this wild and crazy ride called adoption, give thanks for what He has already done and trust Him to bring His plan to completion.
It is such a fine line that I must walk during these last few weeks of waiting for the baby to be born and for TPR to be signed.
I am busy getting a nursery ready, having showers and truly relishing in the fact that in just a few short weeks another precious baby will join my family.
At the same time, I know the risks of adoption and I know we are vulnerable.
I live a "two-faced" life of being extremely excited about this but also extremely guarded.
Not fun, really.
But I know who is in control and I know that He’s Got This as He has so clearly demonstrated to me since all this began on March 8th, 2011.
So I will continue on this journey of faith, keeping my eyes on the One who IS in charge.