God’s Secret

Eight months ago today, it was Christmas Morning and I was about to burst from the secret I had been holding for twelve days.

On that morning I was going to make a “Pregnancy Announcement” that Tracy, Little Bug’s birth mother, was pregnant and she wanted us to adopt the baby.

The morning went off without a hitch and my parents, aunt, uncle and brother were completely surprised and elated that we would have a new family member come July 2011.


Six weeks later, we learned there was no baby and we actually breathed a sigh of relief that we did not have to deal with Tracy’s drama for another six months!

How merciful of God to allow me to have those moments on Christmas Morning making a “Pregnancy Announcement” – a dream I have always had – knowing all along our 2nd baby would not be a baby from Tracy but instead would be our little Sweet Pea, who, at the time of this announcement, was only known by God Himself.

It wasn’t until three weeks after Christmas that Melody would find out she was expecting.

On Christmas Morning, I was holding a secret from my family and God was holding a secret from us all!

As I look back on our journey to #2, mercy abounds.

All of my fears going into a second adoption never became a reality.

My greatest fear? Dealing with another birth mother full of drama. I really didn’t know how I was going to be able to deal with birth mother drama on top of being the mother I want to be for Little Bug.

The drama during Little Bug’s adoption literally was all consuming. There was something happening nearly every single day of the 48 days between the time we were matched with Tracy and TPR was signed three days after Little Bug’s birth. The drama literally consumed my life.

This time there was very minimal drama and when there was drama it was NOT ever caused by Melody! Not once!

I’ve never even spoken to Melody. I am NOT saying this is a good thing at all. I would much prefer to have met the woman who courageously chose an adoption plan for her baby and chose ME to be her baby’s mother! (I hope one day when the circumstances are right all four of us can meet Melody.)

I am just saying that while I had constant contact with Tracy (and it was very stressful on me), I had no contact at all with Melody and she never once caused any unnecessary drama.

Another fear was being matched with a birth mother who was not very far along in her pregnancy. The closer the due date is from the day being matched, the less chance of having to deal with drama!

When we first learned of Melody (without knowing it was her) through the first lawyer we were working with (Susan), Melody was only 18 weeks pregnant!

In my opinion, that is pretty early to be matched with a birth mom! Then, when I called Emily to tell her we were ready to start our journey to #2 and she told me of Melody right away, Melody was only 26 weeks pregnant.

At that time though, we were under the impression that the baby was due on June 8th or July 8th – not far off when it is the beginning of May!

We didn’t find out that the baby actually wasn’t due till August 8th until the middle of June. And while, at the time, it was not fun to have to add four weeks to my countdown calendar, the months of June and July literally flew by and before I knew it, we were at the end of July.

Sweet Pea wasn’t actually born until August 2nd, but because of everything that happened with Melody first working with Susan and then leaving Susan and going to Emily, the wait for Sweet Pea to enter this world and officially become our daughter didn’t seem very long at all.

I guess I am just still astounded by how God orchestrated every single detail of this adoption, big and small. He truly was in control of everything. He carried me through a second adoption process and in His mercy, it was not very stressful as I had feared.

I look at my two little girls and I can just hardly believe that I am their mother.

August 2007, exactly four years ago, marks the start of this journey. It simply amazes me that, even then, God knew this was where He was taking me!

It wasn’t without lots of tears, lots of emotional turmoil and lots of disappointments, but God had a plan all along as He promised me in His Word. (Jeremiah 29:11)

It was certainly perfect, it has prospered me, it has brought me hope and it’s definitely brought me a future!

This was HIS PLAN:


Today, if you find yourself in the place I found myself in four years ago, choose to trust in and believe the promise of God found in Jeremiah 29:11,

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

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