A flood of memories

Today marks one year since everything started to unravel concerning Tracy’s “pregnancy” last year.

I will never forget the emotions wrapped up in that week as my lawyer and I worked to try and expose Tracy’s deception.

My mind was constantly consumed with these matters for an entire week, but the peace of God was constantly wrapped around my heart as well, giving me the strength I needed to be able to get to the bottom of this, once and for all.

I went back in my blog and read some of my posts from those days last January. On January 31st, I wrote that things were over and then I said, You know what this means, right? God’s just got something more!

And He most certainly did!


Sweet Pea was God’s Something More.

I recently was looking back at pictures when Sweet Pea was in the NICU and it brought back a flood of memories.

When we first laid eyes on her.


There was nothing like being able to see my baby for the first time and know that she was already completely mine, however, at the same time, seeing a sick baby laying there unswaddled with horrible bright lights shining down on her certainly wasn’t how I imagined seeing her for the first time!


I couldn’t even see her face and I wanted to see that tiny little face so bad! I picked up her “sunglasses” and moved them so I could see her face and then I heard our lawyer say, “You better put those back on her eyes or the lights could make her go blind.” Oops!!!


The picture above is another one of my favorites, despite the fact that my baby looks so pathetic. Notice her feet and my hand. It tells a story. A story of how a mother, meeting her baby for the very first time – a baby that did not grow in her womb – will automatically just do whatever it takes to bring comfort to her child.

When I saw Sweet Pea laying there I wanted to scoop her up and hold her close. She lay there unswaddled, twitching. A nurse told me, “She likes for us to hold her feet, it helps her feel more secure.”

She didn’t have to tell me twice. I couldn’t hold her like I wanted to, but I could stand there and hold her feet. So I did.

In that moment I wanted her to know, I am your Mama and I am going to take care of you…always.


Then, Dr. Marvelous finds out I have never held my baby girl and she bends the rules and tells me I need to hold her!

I also love the picture above. Those are Dr. Marvelous’s hands and arms you see standing over Sweet Pea and me. That is symbolic to me because I prayed for someone to stand in my place and take special care of Sweet Pea until we were able to go to the hospital after TPR was signed and be by Sweet Pea’s side.

Dr. Marvelous was that someone God provided.


She is so yellow, tiny and fragile-looking in this picture. You can see how tiny she was compared to Dave’s hand.


She had to be on these lights (for the rH factor) for 4 days.


She even had to eat under the lights!


Hard to believe that was this baby, but Sweet Pea was the baby God had planned all along to join our family!

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