A Gift to Us All

God gave me an incredible gift yesterday.

I had an hour long conversation with someone who knows Tracy well.

Through a connection between someone I know who knows someone who knows Tracy (got that?!), I was able to talk to this person for a long while and learn an incredibly large amount of information about Little Bug’s biological family.

It was a tremendous blessing to me because, given the circumstances of Tracy’s life, our adoption is not open. Even though Tracy does have a way to contact me, I go months and years from hearing from her.

I often wonder how she is, where she is and what she is up to.

I got answers yesterday and while the information I received breaks my heart for Tracy, it is just simply nice to know and it is such a blessing to have this connection to Tracy without having to have direct contact with Tracy – even though every time Tracy does choose to contact me directly, I warmly receive her.

As an adoptive parent, I see the beauty of open adoption. Adoption has come a long way from the way it used to be back in the day when the baby was born, swiped from the birth mother and placed with the adoptive family only for the two to never even share one conversation.

I see the beauty of open adoption and how it enables both sides to find healing and comfort in the fact that communication can happen from both sides so the adoptive child is not left wondering where they came from and the biological family is not left wondering how their child is doing in their new family.

Open adoption doesn’t work for all cases and both of my adoptions fall into the category where open adoption is not only not possible but not best for the child.

However, as an adoptive parent I always want the lines of communication to be there so that when my daughters start learning their stories and have questions about their biological families, I can provide them with ways to find answers.

God gave me that line of communication yesterday for Little Bug through this person I talked to.

I hung up from that conversation, completely overwhelmed from the information I had received.

I quickly wrote everything down and just this morning I have transferred all my notes to the notebook I keep for Little Bug with every single piece of information I have about her adoption, the interactions I have had with Tracy after Little Bug’s placement with us and any information I have about Little Bug’s biological family.

It absolutely breaks my heart to know more about the life Tracy has lead and the effects it has had on her biological children.

And then I think of Little Bug. Little Bug is living a life completely different from anything any of her biological siblings have lived.

In the midst of my sorrow yesterday in learning more about Tracy, the one beacon of light shining in the midst of Tracy’s very dark existence in this world, is her adoption plan for her youngest daughter.

Adoption has forever and completely changed the life of a very precious almost three-year-old girl.

That is the miracle of adoption.

And it, once again, reminds me of my own adoption into the family of God and how that adoption has forever and completely changed my life.

I will share some of my ending thoughts as I wrote everything I learned in the notebook:

That is a lot to take in, I know. For the rest of that day and on into the night and still today, it is all I can think about.

The one thing that keeps coming to mind is this: That is what Little Bug was born into. She could easily be growing up just like Tracy’s other biological children. But by the Grace of God, He saw fit to remove Little Bug from that lifestyle. And it has totally and completely changed the course of life for Little Bug. She has a new family – one that gives her stability every single day.

Little Bug doesn’t ever have to experience a day of life like her biological siblings have. Why God chose Little Bug out of the [x number] of children to never live a day as a [Tracy’s family name] – I don’t know – I am just forever grateful for His intervention.

I’ve always known Little Bug is a miracle – and after that conversation with [the person I talked to], it is even more clear to me – Little Bug is one very, very special little girl.

This leaves my heart further burdened for the woman who chose life for my daughter and then chose me to be her mother. Tracy will forever hold a special place in my heart. My prayers will continue for her as long as I live. I pray one day she experiences another adoption – an adoption into the family of God.

I have no idea what the future holds. I have no idea if one day Little Bug will want to track Tracy down and meet her face to face. I have no idea how learning about her biological family will or won’t effect Little Bug in the future.

I just pray that Little Bug one day realizes that it was not by chance or coincidence or even a moment of sanity on Tracy’s part that an adoption plan was made for her at birth.

It was a divine intervention from God and a gift to us all.

Because through that adoption plan, I became a mother, Tracy enabled one of her children to escape the lifestyle cycles that have affected her and her children and Little Bug is someone today that she simply could not be if she was in her biological family.

Adoption is made beautiful by Christ alone and it has enabled me to witness miracles right before my very eyes.

2 thoughts on “A Gift to Us All

  1. You are such a great mom to be writing everything down to give your daughter someday. I have three daughters, two adopted (full sisters) and one biological. I didn’t get my older girls till they were 11 and 12 and I wonder a lot about the birth mom that abandoned them as babies. I think about raising the girls till they were 1 and 2 and how she just walked away. Knowing how it breaks my heart I can’t imagine how it makes them feel. Seeing how even now you are planning for their future questions makes me believe that God will protect your babies heart in the process. Adoption is a miracle and a gift from God. I always tell people I wasn’t ready to be a mom (was 17) when my daughters were ready to be born so God gave them to me later 🙂

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