Conscience & Umbilical Cords

Found this in my drafts and since I haven’t had much blogging time this week, I’m posting it today!

Little Bug did something the other day that totally shocked and surprised me.

On Sweet Pea’s birthday we were at my parents’ house and Little Bug was helping Grandma make Sweet Pea’s smiley face cake.

Little Bug wanted to lick the icing. I told her she could have a lick and then that was it until she had a piece of cake after dinner.

It wasn’t long and I suddenly heard Little Bug crying – but it was a cry that you don’t usually hear from Little Bug.

A cry of remorse and regret.

I went into the kitchen to see what was going on and my mom said that Little Bug asked for another lick of icing but my mom had said no because I had said no but Little Bug had gone for it anyway.

Typical, is what I was thinking.

But then, something very atypical happened.

It was like Little Bug realized what she had done and she was SO SO SO SO SORRY!

As soon as she saw me she plunged for me and buried her little head in my shoulder and kept crying and crying tears of remorse.

I have never seen her so sorry for doing wrong in all her three years!

My mom and I calmed her down and we both talked to her about the choice she had made and that it was the wrong choice. We asked if she was sad that she had disobeyed Grandma and more tears just flooded from her eyes! We talked to her about forgiveness and that God forgives her and so do we!

I was half-way laughing because I could hardly believe this was my Little Bug, but then, at the same time, I was rejoicing over her tears and remorse because that incident showed that she does know right from wrong and she had clearly been affected by her deliberate disobedience and was genuinely sorry!

I believe it’s the work of the Holy Spirit already in her little life. And I just pray that God continues to captivate her little heart and draw her to Him.

A couple days later Little Bug, out of the blue, asked me, “Mommy, where is Jesus?”.

I told her, “He is in Heaven preparing a place for us, but He is also right here with you.”

She said, “Can I talk to Jesus?”

“Yes, you can! When we pray we are talking to Jesus! We can talk to Jesus anytime we want to. He is always right here with us.”

Wow. There is nothing like having conversations like this with your own child! I look forward to her asking more and more as she gets older and older and then understanding more and more, and building a faith in Jesus Christ of her own. What a blessing and privilege as a parent to be able to lead this little girl to know and love and desire to serve Jesus Christ here on Earth. He has some amazing plans for this girl.

All that talk also lets me know that we are probably getting closer and closer to the time when she will start to ask questions about adoption.

I look forward to those days, too, because her story is beautiful. The work God has already done in her short life through adoption is nothing short of miraculous.

I will never push her adoption story on her. I know, because she is a very curious girl, she will one day start asking questions and I will answer every single one the best I can.

Right now, we don’t really talk about Tracy and her role in Little Bug’s life. I see no need to do that. I know – in it’s time – her story will reveal itself and I will be ready to help Little Bug understand.

For now, I mention Tracy only when Little Bug presents an opportunity. For instance, the other day Little Bug, for some random reason, was asking me about umbilical cords.

Apparently we have a book that shows them because Little Bug was asking me to find the “umbilical cord” book so she could see one. She wanted to know what it was for.

So, I naturally told her, “Little Bug, when you were in Tracy’s tummy you had an umbilical cord that connected you to Tracy so that she could feed you while you were in there.”

Then I told her, “When you were born, Mommy was there and I cut the umbilical cord because you no longer needed it. And that is why you now have a belly button in that spot.”

I’m not really sure how much she really paid attention to anything I said about Tracy because she was so set on finding this umbilical cord book!

But I never want Tracy and the fact that she “used to be in Tracy’s tummy” to be a foreign concept to Little Bug. I don’t want her to ever have a time in her life where she was not aware of this fact, because I know it is from that fact that the rest of her story will unfold when the time is appropriate.

So I do talk about Tracy every so often with Little Bug so that she knows her name and knows she “used to be in Tracy’s tummy”.

I have no idea where all that came from. I wasn’t planning to talk about that in this post, but there it is.

I guess I will end with this.

Being a parent is such a humbling role. To be totally responsible for the physical and emotional well-being of a little person is a daunting task, sometimes. And then, when you throw in the curveball of adoption, it can seem even more daunting when I think about the task ahead of me to explain things in a way that Little Bug can truly grasp and understand why she was born into one family and then placed in another.

It’s something I can’t sit and worry about. I just have to trust that God will in His infinite wisdom piece together Little Bug’s story for her so that she can see it the way we – her parents and her adoptive mother – see it.

A redemptive story.

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