abundantly more

December 13th will forever be a special date in my memory.

It was the beginning of something that would end all too soon, but yet, the timing of it all gave me something I will treasure until the day I die.

Two years ago today I received the unexpected phone call from our lawyer telling me that Tracy, Little Bug’s birth mother, was pregnant.

And while it all ended soon after it began God used those moments to bring Tracy back into our lives for a brief season.

Tracy has absolutely no idea the gift she gave me that Christmas.

Being able to surprise my family with the news that a baby was on the way and Little Bug was going to be a big sister come summer, was a dream I thought had died right along with my dream of pregnancy.

But I spent December 13th through Christmas Morning of 2010 carrying around a sacred secret that only my husband and I knew. That tiny baby wasn’t in my womb; that baby wasn’t even in Tracy’s womb.

She was in Melody’s womb, but we didn’t know Melody at the time and wouldn’t for another five months! And yet God still allowed a Christmas pregnancy announcement.

I will never as long as I live forget my Mama’s scream when she put two and two together and realized what was going on.

The faithfulness of our God continues to astound me. The work God did in and through my infertility leaves me humbled before Him as my heart simply says tonight as I reflect on this day two years ago, Thank you, Lord. Thank you for choosing me to walk this road. Thank you for showing me how you truly bring beauty from ashes and make all things new in your perfect time.

This Christmas if you are where I was pre-April 9th, 2009, hang in there. If you are just hanging on by a hair of faith, keep hanging. Infertility is not the end of the world, even though, now, today, it seems like all hope is lost. I know. I was there. I’ve felt hopeless despair. But, keep hanging! Our God is faithful and if you step back and allow God to do His work, He will. He absolutely will. His work may not line up with your plans (okay, it probably won’t line up with your plans) but that is perfectly okay. Do you believe in your heart that it’s perfectly okay? Because that is the first step in walking towards God’s perfect for you.

My daughters, these two precious girls that you see right here? They were so not my plan.

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But they are perfect in every way imaginable and I cannot imagine what life would be like today had I not had a run-in with infertility.

Infertility took a lot from me, yes, but it has given abundantly more.

Abundantly more.

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