Little Bug’s birth

I didn’t date this, but I wrote it shortly after Little Bug’s arrival so I would not forget anything about the moments surrounding her birth.

On Tuesday, May 26th, 2009, I awoke very anxious for Little Bug to be here! Two weeks prior we had had a false alarm where Tracy called us saying she was contracting and she may go to the hospital that night. That was May 11th. Tracy did end up calling us saying she was going to the hospital. Dave and I went too and were there for about 3 hours with Tracy and her mother.

Back to May 26th… When I awoke that day I was just so ready for Little Bug to be here. During my quiet time that morning I wrote out my prayer to God. I basically said that I acknowledged that He already knew the day and hour Little Bug would be born. I told Him that I was very anxious for Little Bug to be here and just be through with the waiting season. Then I told Him that I desired His will above all and that I knew whatever happened was exactly the way He had planned it from the start. I told Him I knew He was in control of everything.

The night of May 26th Dave and I went over to my parents’ house for dinner. At around 10:45pm we had just pulled into the driveway and the cell phone rang. My heart immediately began beating very fast. Dave and I had driven separate cars. He saw I was on the phone and walked over to my car window.

Tracy was telling me that she thought her water had broken and she was headed to the hospital. She said that she would call us back once she got there and was checked out. About 2 hours later she called to say her water had broken and they were admitting her. She later called and told us to come on up. We entered the room and there she lay in the bed. Her mom and sister were there with her in the room. Labor had not started naturally so they were going to give her Pitocin to induce labor. Tracy started having contractions here and there, but they didn’t seem very regular or very painful. I knew it was going to be a long night for everyone! The minutes seemed to be ticking by incredibly slow.

At some point Dave and I went out to the waiting room. Tracy had asked us to leave and she was going to get some sleep. We decided to try and get some sleep too. Dave slept; I, however, did not. At 7:09am I was on the phone with I think Maria when the cell phone rang. I answered and it was Tracy’s mom saying, “She is giving birth!”. I could hear Tracy moaning in the background.

I immediately told Dave we need to get back there. I had to put my contacts in and then we headed to the room. As we were walking I got the urge to run and felt we needed to get there NOW.

As I walked into the room, Little Bug had just come out and the doctor was holding her. They were asking who was going to cut the cord as I walked up. They said I would, so I cut the cord which was very special. Then they moved Little Bug over to the table where they take Apgar scores and clean her up. I walked over there with her. That nurse was especially nice and let me take pictures and even put my finger in her little hand for her to grasp. Those were some precious moments as I first saw with my own eyes my daughter.

The only thing was she wasn’t yet my daughter. It was an odd feeling really. I was so enamored with the moments of being there yet I had to remain somewhat guarded because I knew Tracy still had every right to her even though her intentions were to follow through with her adoption plan for her baby.

The nurse bundled Little Bug up and asked if I wanted to hold her. I told her Tracy had told me she wanted to hold her first and then she would “give her to her Mama”. To Tracy, that only seemed right and I totally agreed with her. The nurse gave Little Bug to Tracy and she held her for a few moments and admired her. Then she passed her to her mother who held her for a few moments. Then she was passed to me. I held her and then Dave held her. Dave and I kept passing her back and forth. She was just beautiful and precious. Her little face was all bruised because of her quick entry into the world. Those were some unforgettable moments.

4 thoughts on “Little Bug’s birth

  1. Thanks so much for this sweet reminder. Those were and will always be some special moments for me as I became a grandmother. This will always be remembered by me as a time in my life where my faith grew tremendously. I treasure this time in my heart.

    I wanted to take your pain for you … but God wanted you to walk this road too … because He had things to teach you. As parents we need to remember that we can’t always protect our children and must not works hard to avoid “hard times” for them for it’s in those hard times that they learn to rely on the Lord and also learn many other lessons.

  2. How incredibly special that you were able to be there for the moment of her birth…..I also take my hat off to Tracey for letting you be there…..she is a wonderful person that she was able to share everything at that moment……

    • Annie,
      Thanks for seeing the beauty in Tracy’s decision to allow me in the delivery room. As I’ve been reading my journals from that time, I read that on the day that we first met Tracy (at the agency office), one of the first things she ever said to me was to ask me if I would like to be in the room when LB was born. I totally was not expecting to receive that beautiful gift! But she wanted me there and it truly was a gift.

      So often birth mothers are looked down upon but they truly are courageous women. Tracy is no exception.

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