Well, here I am again during what is suppose to be my blogging break! I wanted to post this on Thanksgiving Day so here it is!
Today is Thanksgiving and this past week I’ve been doing a lot of thinking back on my infertility years. The people in the Bible did a lot of reflecting on the work the Lord had done for them in the past and that is exactly where I find myself today.
Who knew having a reproductive system that doesn’t work properly could be so beautiful?
In 2007, I certainly wouldn’t have thought this was so but standing here at the end of 2013, I am thankful.
I am thankful for my broken reproductive system.
Well, for starters, I wouldn’t have the relationship I have today with my Heavenly Father if it wasn’t for going through infertility.
Infertility stripped me of my identity. I grew up thinking I would get married and have babies and that didn’t happen. I went to college to be a teacher, but always in the back of my mind and always on the forefront of my heart was my desire to be a mother. And then I couldn’t get pregnant.
And I learned that my ability to have children does not make me who I am.
I am a Child of the King. And He had different plans for me. I found my identity in Christ.
There is something to be said about reaching a point in your life where nothing is going according to how you thought it would go and you are powerless to change anything about it.
You could say I was at the mercy of fate. But I know better.
I was standing in the fire (infertility being my fire) and I had to chose my faith in Jesus Christ or chose faith in my plan that I had been counting on for years.
Being in that spot where you are stripped of everything familiar and then you are powerless to change anything, makes you either turn to your faith in Jesus Christ or turn away from Him.
By God’s grace and mercy, I turned to Him. Everything I had learned as a child and teenager about God was put to the test.
Is God really good?
Does He really have good plans for my life?
Can He really take something as horrible as infertility and make good come from it?
Walking that road, and learning to trust God in a way I had never before trusted in Him, I learned the answer to every single one of those questions.
And the answer was, and still is, a resounding YES YES YES.
God IS good, He did and He does have good plans for my life and only He can take something as horrible as infertility and make good come from it.
My faith in Him was stretched to the limit, but His faithfulness was ever-present every single step of my journey.
When God gave me a poem four months before we even knew anything about Little Bug and the poem said we’d have a baby girl in May, and we did………..God’s faithfulness was there.
When we knew our time with infertility treatments had come to a close and God was telling us to adopt and then almost exactly a month later we were matched with Tracy…….God’s faithfulness was there.
When we turned in our paperwork to the adoption agency and then stood in the delivery room holding our firstborn child just 48 days later……..God’s faithfulness was there.
When God gave me the joy of announcing on Christmas Day 2010 that Baby #2 was on the way even though that baby was miscarried by Tracy, but little did we know, another woman – Melody – was pregnant with the baby that would become our second daughter……..God’s faithfulness was there.
When God prompted a friend of mine to tell me about an adoption situation her lawyer had and we decided to pursue it even though it turned out not to work out (or so we thought!!)…….God’s faithfulness was there.
When we contacted our adoption agency on May 2nd, 2011, to say we were ready to start the process for #2, and then were matched ten days later with the very same woman from the situation we had thought had not worked out……God’s faithfulness was there.
When Melody was taken away to a city 1.5 hours to deliver Sweet Pea and we worried about the logistics of a NICU stay in another city and being away from Little Bug but then God worked out every single detail right down to free accommodations the entire week Sweet Pea was in the NICU…….God’s faithfulness was there.
I reflect back on all that and I am thankful for my infertility. Without it, I wouldn’t have experienced God in the ways I have over the past six years.
And that would be tragic. Being barren is not tragic when you look at it outside your own point of view and instead see the work God desires to do through your barrenness.
Before 2007, I knew God was faithful, but right here right now in 2013 I know God is faithful in a way I didn’t know before I walked the road of infertility.
I’ve seen His hand perform miracle after miracle. I’ve seen him part the Red Seas of my life and make a way for me to be a mother and for two women to know their daughters would be well taken care of when all three of these situations seemed hopeless and motherhood for me was becoming a pipe dream.
The faithfulness of God is a thread that we can see woven throughout the entire Bible, from Genesis to Revelation. It starts when God made a promise to Abraham that He would make him into a great nation.(Genesis 12:2)
The interesting thing is this: Abraham’s wife, Sarah, was barren!!
How was Abraham suppose to be father of many great nations if his wife could not get pregnant???
Oh God had a plan. A plan that would show His hand at work as only He could do. A plan that would proclaim the mighty works of a God who is good, a God who has plans to prosper us and a God that can make something beautiful even out of something so painful and ugly as infertility.
The same God who made Abraham the father of many nations made me a mother in 2009 and 2011.
His faithfulness continues through all generations. He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. (Hebrews 13:8)
This is something we can all be thankful for no matter where we find ourselves this Thanksgiving Day 2013. Because even if you find yourself right in the middle of your “fire” – whatever that may be – God’s faithfulness is there.
Look for it and I promise you, you will find it.