In a matter of a week, I went from gearing up to starting Little Bug’s Kindergarten year to sitting 2.5 hours away from home in a NICU.
Ironically, we had begun our school year in late July because beginning in early August I was going to be keeping my friend’s 4 month old baby until the baby was old enough to attend daycare. (Looking back I see that was a foreshadowing of what was to come for our family!)
Friday I had kept the baby and had a normal day with my girls. My last ever normal day with just my two girls. We had gone on a walk and the girls had taken their Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle buckets to collect treasures along the way. That evening we had gotten the pool out and let the girls swim until we had a picnic dinner on the back deck. And then we had done our normal bedtime routine of bath time, Bible story, hugs and kisses. I tucked my girls in their beds not knowing just six hours later we would be leaving in the middle of the night to drive to a city 2.5 hours to meet our son.
And just like that my focus had to majorly shift. No longer was my focus on my life back home. Instead I had been thrown into a whirlwind of an adoption and my focus was on this little baby boy and his birth mother.
It didn’t take long for us to figure out that we were in the middle of crazy circumstances! We were going to be in this city long-term and we had no idea how long! When I thought I was going to start our second official week of school, I found myself instead sitting in a NICU unit with a very sick baby boy that was my son!!!
I had to consciously shift my focus to the here and now. God had sent me to care for this baby and to be his mother and, even though a newborn was the furthest thing from my mind and my plans, I knew this baby was now my calling in this present time.
I hate hospitals, especially NICUs. I remember sitting there and feeling trapped but then I would refocus my mind on what God had called me to do. And His calling on my life at that time was to be in the NICU with that baby boy, advocating for him.
I held him almost non-stop those first two weeks. He was born four weeks early so I looked at those first few weeks as my time to nurture him as if he was in my womb. So I held him and did Kangaroo Care with him as much as possible. Sitting skin to skin with a newborn infant son was not in my lesson plan book at home! But there I was….and nothing would have made me leave him.
As hard as that time was, those are some of my most cherished moments with my baby boy. I had nothing more to do in this world than sit and hold him…so I did. There were many hours spent just him and me in his room. I would think about what I had thought I would be doing at this time. What I was actually doing was so far from what I had been doing just weeks before.
Those moments taught me the importance of living in the moment. It did me no good to think about what I was missing at home. God had called me that hospital room to be an advocate for that baby boy and I had to essentially block out the rest of the world and focus on the tiny baby God had delivered into my arms.
All we have is now. And there is something to be said about just relishing in where God has you now. Those four weeks in the city where Sarge was born were awful, but God taught me to live in the moment and cherish what is now.