When marriage vows are trampled on and broken it is easy to assume that trust can never be rebuilt.
There was a time when I truly didn’t know how I could ever trust Dave again. These were the moments where I was left with all the knowledge I had acquired through full disclosure and I had to decide what I was going to do with all that.
Our pastor had described the broken trust by saying trust is like having a glass jar of marbles. When you first meet someone, the jar is about half full, out of the goodness of humanity. As you get to know that person more, more marbles are added to the jar – little by little – until the jar becomes completely full. You completely trust that person in your life.
This is where we were on January 21st. My glass jar was full because over the span of our relationship, I had built a solid trust in Dave.
On January 22nd, not only was every single marble withdrawn from my glass jar – the jar itself was completely shattered.
I was left with nothing, the least of which trust.
How were we going to rebuild complete trust from nothing?
It was a journey and not an event. I didn’t go one day from not trusting Dave to completely trusting him again.
It was earned. Dave had to work hard to rebuild trust.
I had to forgive Dave and look at him through the lens of grace – God’s grace.
My pastor’s wife and counselor who walked this journey with me, was the one who placed those words on my heart. Through the lens of grace. Those were profound words to me and I let them sink in and take hold of my broken heart.
Yes, that was it. The pieces were starting to come together at least in my mind. If Dave was repentant and I could find it in my heart to extend him forgiveness just as Christ had done for me, it was going to be there that trust could begin to grow.
My mother told me everything that she was witnessing of Dave’s repentance those first few days after he left home. For my own self-protection, I wouldn’t hear a word she had to say. Honestly, I didn’t care one bit what she was seeing and hearing. That’s how broken I was. My heart couldn’t even handle a small glimmer of hope because the hurt in me just screamed louder, “Is it true? Is it genuine?”
I had to see his repentance with my own eyes. He had to demonstrate consistently to me that his heart truly was here with his family and not in the lustful life he had been secretly living. I was still waiting for him to chose that life.
He never did…and that is where trusting again began.