navigating this road

Beau has been home 14 weeks today. This has been an interesting journey. You would think adopting a young infant would not pose any issues in attaching and bonding, but it has certainly been a process and quite different from the other three. That is not to say that I think or feel any different about Beau than my other three children. It just means that those almost 5 months I wasn’t his mother do matter. We are starting from a different place – we are walking a different road – and I know we will get to where we need to be. I see progress every single week and every month he is more and more mine.

I’ve had to navigate this road basically blind as I don’t really know what I am doing! I have tried to learn along the way and I believe we have done the necessary things to promote healthy bonding and attachment between a baby and parents. I believe he is learning this is permanent, as much as a young infant can learn that.

Time is our best friend. Every day is one more day that I am his mother. One day, the number of days I have been his mother will far out number the days I was not his mother. Right now we are at 143 days to 98. I know the 143 days I was not his mother can never be erased and we will never live as if they are. There are so many theories out there about how those days affect a child, but I have to believe that God was there in those days and He has lead Beau and us to this place and He will continue to fill in those gaps as we continue to walk this road together…forever. Ultimately, I have to trust God in those 143 days, knowing He is omnipresent.

As with all of our children, we will talk about their adoptions freely, holding nothing back. One day all of my children will know their full stories. There are some tough things all of my children will have to one day learn about their beginnings and their biological families. They will have a lot to process when they are old enough to know their complete stories, but I pray all four of them will fix their eyes on God’s intervention in their lives because of their adoptions. Adoption changed all of our lives forever. All 6 of us. There is deep pain but also deep beauty wrapped up in each of their stories and I pray all four of them see their whole story one day. Not just the hard parts and not just the happy parts, but every part that has been woven together intricately by their Creator to proclaim that He is redeemer, He is faithful and He is good.


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