The time has come for me to tell you where God has lead and what God has done concerning our journey to #2.
I am going to start from the very beginning.
The first half of this story will be very familiar to you if you have read this before.
It all started March 8th, 2011. Driving home from my parents house it dawned on me that I had not yet started praying for the woman who would give birth to our second child. I decided that night would be the night to start praying for this woman.
I got home, got Little Bug to bed and it wasn’t long after that and I received a text message from a friend about an adoption situation that her lawyer, Susan, had told her about.
My friend wanted to know if we were interested.
Dave and I talked and we decided that we would go for it.
I called Susan the next morning. She told me that I needed to get a family profile to her as soon as possible so she could take them to the woman to choose a family for her baby.
Monday, March 14th, our profile was updated and we went to Susan’s office to turn it in.
I left there very anxious to know if we were going to be chosen or not. Susan said she was taking this woman 3-4 profiles to look at.
Wednesday, March 16th, was a day filled with anxiety for me. I hated having to wait. I just wanted to know one way or the other if she had chosen us, or not.
The anxiety was consuming me. I knew I needed to get away and be still before the Lord and allow Him to teach me what He wanted to teach me through these circumstances.
God impressed upon my heart that He is in control. God began teaching me that no matter when we found out the outcome of this potential adoption situation, if this baby was the baby that God had for us, nothing would keep God from placing this baby in our home.
This is something I wrote in my personal journal around the time we took our profile to Susan: I don’t have to do anything – besides continue to live my life for God’s glory – because God’s plan will prevail. I don’t have to worry if she will pick us because if this is our baby, she will pick us. I don’t have to worry about whoever else’s profiles she will see. God is in control. He has our best interest in mind. His plan for bringing another baby to us is already written. He will carry out His plans as we walk in obedience with Him. He said open the door and we did by putting together this profile.
During that quiet time alone with God and no distractions, God taught me that it simply did not matter if we learned the outcome the next day or months from then.
At the time, I figured we would have an answer by the end of the week.
That is funny to me now.
By Friday, March 18th, we were still waiting.
But God had a purpose in the waiting. He had more to teach me. I began to realize that if I kept my eyes on Jesus and did not allow myself to worry about anything that I could possibly find to worry about (Is our profile good enough? Will she like what she sees? Should I have said this, should I have said that?), it was there I would find complete peace in Jesus Christ as the days of waiting turned into weeks.
On March 18th I wrote this in my journal: And we still wait… But my heart and mind are at a different place now – a place of true trust and desire for the Will of God. There is something to be said about this place! I am literally waiting for God to move and show me His Plan. I have the assurance that it is going to be good however God moves. And, today, I wait in great expectation to see what God will do. God will move when He is ready, when the time is perfect. Until then, I wait on the Lord. I wonder if this woman has been given the profiles? I wonder when she will see them? What will go through her mind as she reads ours? As she reads the other profiles? When will she make her decision? When will Susan call? All questions I would LOVE answers too. I will know soon enough. God will reveal His Plan.
Several days later I decided to call Susan myself for an update. I learned that the woman was waiting for something to happen and then she wanted Susan to bring her the profiles. She did not want to look at them until this event in her life had taken place.
So, I knew another week of waiting was in our future.
March 24th I wrote: And here I am … still waiting but … it is okay! I am totally at peace…trusting that if this is our baby, she will choose us.
I did not receive another update until April 2nd. Susan called and told us what was supposed to have happened did not happen and had been rescheduled for another date.
I hung up knowing we had even more waiting ahead of us. I wrote this at the beginning of April: So, hopefully next week we will know something?? If anything, I’ve learned how God desires me to wait on Him for an answer. I’ve learned this is TOTALLY out of my control and worry does NOTHING to help – except make me anxious and not do what God desires me to do …. Keep my eyes on Him. My eyes are on YOU, God! I rest in the peace that if this is our baby, you will allow this woman to choose us. And if not, well then, you’ve just got something more in mind for us. If this baby is ours, he/she will be ours no matter how long or how short the wait is to KNOW. The outcome will not change. So…we wait. And pray. For God’s Will to be done.
God continued to hold me in His waiting room and teach me as the days continued to pass again and even more weeks went by.
These verses were impressed upon my heart and became my strength as I waited on the Lord and His answer.
Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depends on God; He is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in him at all times, O people; Pour out your hearts to him, For God is our refuge. Psalm 62:5-8
Wait for the Lord; Be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. Psalm 27:14
After I wrote those verses down in my journal I wrote: It has been 4 weeks and 1 day since we learned of this possibility. Susan has had our profile for 3 weeks and 2 days. All of that though is irrelevant to God’s Plan. He knows the day a second baby will join our family. I trust Him to do His great work!!
While we were in Texas, Susan called me there on April 16th to give me another update. What we were waiting on to happen before the woman looked at profiles had indeed finally happened! However, something else had happened as well and Susan did not know if she would ever hear from the woman again. Susan was now waiting to hear from the woman to find out if she wanted Susan to bring her the profiles to look at.
Last thing Susan said on the phone was, “So we just have to wait and see if she will call. I’ve tried to call her, but, like I said, I don’t know if she will call again.”
After Susan’s update, I wrote this in my journal: I stand firm that if this is our baby, no matter these current circumstances, we will be chosen – eventually! So we still wait…
Do you see what God was teaching me?
He was teaching me that He is in control, period. What I viewed as an obstacle, God viewed as just something to make it evident to the world that this is HIS WORK. My hands were completely tied with this one! There was absolutely nothing I could do, except keep waiting.
And keep waiting is exactly what I did.
On April 18th I wrote in my journal: I just continue to rest in God’s peace because He has answers to all my unknowns and He has a beautiful plan to bring another baby into our home. This is all a matter of sitting back and letting God move when the time is right. It requires complete surrender to God’s Plan, complete trust in the Lord to reveal His Plan and patience to wait on the Lord.
April 20th, 2011, the day had finally come for some answers. Susan told me that the woman had called her and she had taken the profiles to her, but, through a series of events of which I cannot share on here, the woman decided she no longer wanted to place her baby through Susan.
Susan told me she never expected to hear from the woman again.
I was disappointed but I knew even these circumstances would not keep this baby away from our family if this was the baby God had planned for us.
After learning this news I wrote: God taught me that I am NOT in control and He is!!! And no matter how much worrying I do or don’t do, and no matter what I do or don’t do or no matter what someone else does or doesn’t do, GOD’S PLAN WILL PREVAIL. Instead of reacting to every thing along the way and allowing it to cause me unnecessary ups and downs along the way, I am just to roll with it, trusting that God will take me where I need to be.
As it turns out, God wasn’t done after that phone call from Susan on April 20th.
May 3rd, 2011, God did something that literally left me speechless and in tears while sitting with Dave in my car in the parking lot at his workplace.
(Part Two will be posted tomorrow.)