37w4d

I must admit my patience is wearing thin in waiting for Sweet Pea’s birth.

I am just ready to move to the next step of this process: birth and TPR.

As much as I want this to happen NOW, I want God’s plan even more, and so I wait.

It is always interesting how God brings just the right Scripture I need to read at the perfect time.

This is what I just read this morning:

As you know, we consider blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job’s perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy. James 5:11

Perseverance. Keep on keeping on, for as long as needed until it is time to move to the next step.

Please pray for our agency as today is another day where phone calls will be made to continue to iron out the mess made last week.

And continue praying with me that Sweet Pea’s birth will be soon, very soon.

Thank you.

37w2d

There really isn’t much to update.

Some progress was made on Monday.

Still some things to figure out.

So, I guess just pray those things will be figured out soon!

Continue to pray Sweet Pea will be born soon.

Also, would you pray for a very dear friend of mine that could use some prayers today?

Thanks.

It’s His Show

It’s been 11 weeks since I made that phone call to Emily. These 11 weeks have flown by…I am not sure where May and June went. July is over half-way over and here we sit today at 37 weeks.

Time has flown by.

I’ve definitely reached that point when I just want Sweet Pea here, in my arms and completely ours.

But there are still more days (weeks) to walk before this can happen.

During my time with the Lord this morning, I came across this verse and it spoke volumes of where I am today:

Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD. Psalm 27:14

That is where I am today: waiting on the Lord to move.

This is His show. He is the one that calls the shots, He is the one directing. He is the one that will tell when it is time to pull back the curtain and let the performance begin. It is all for His glory.

I am just one of many sitting out in the audience waiting for the show to begin.

I have no say so in who the characters will be or how the drama will unfold.

So I’m gonna go get my popcorn, prop my feet up on the theater chair in front of me (as long as one of you aren’t sitting there already Smile) and I’m gonna wait for God to start moving.

Waiting on the Lord is torturous when I get up from my comfy seat in the audience and start trying to tell God what to do to get the show on the road.

Waiting on the Lord, truly waiting on the Lord to move, is peaceful, as long as I am holding onto the only thing keeping me in that comfy seat.

And it isn’t my popcorn.

It’s my faith in Jesus Christ.

Tomorrow is 37wks

There is no doubt in my mind that the complications that have happened are a part of God’s plan. I may never know the whys of all this, but that is okay.

I can only see a small piece of what is really going on but God sees it all – the complete picture.

From what I can see, it seems Sweet Pea being born now (instead of later) would be a really good thing for everyone involved.

Sweet Pea is full term tomorrow!

So, I am going to ask everyone to pray with me that Sweet Pea comes soon!

As Jesus prayed in the garden before His death that His Father’s Will be done above His own, that is my ultimate prayer, too.

I desire for Sweet Pea to be born on the day God has ordained for her life to begin, however, I’m still going to pray that God would just go ahead and let her be born soon.

Please join me in praying for this.

more on the drama

I hate not being able to tell specifics. I really do.

The adoption plan is still in place at this time, however, there are some things that have happened that have complicated things for everyone involved.

And our lawyer told us to pray that God would bind “X” from happening, which could complicate things even further.

All of this, of course, leaves me feeling on edge.

I see the ticker up there and I see it says only 25 days and I just pray God allows this baby to come as soon as possible, although I know she will come on the appointed day God has chosen for her birth.

However, Melody is ready, we are ready and with these complications, it would just be a merciful act of God to allow Sweet Pea to go ahead and be born.

But the fact of the matter is God is still in control. And I am not.

And tonight, that is what is on the forefront of my mind.

It is almost as if God is reminding me of all that He has already done to place this baby with us and He is now asking me if I am going to continue to trust in Him to complete His work or if I am going to stupidly try to regain control and sit and worry for the next 25ish days.

I am going to trust God.

And let me tell you, even after all that God has already done in my life, it is a struggle to relinquish control and just rest in the knowledge that GOD IS IN CONTROL, not me.

But I know it is a choice that I have to make.

Am I going to worry or am I going to trust?

And I really feel like God has brought me to this place so that I can bypass the frazzled worry stage I usually put myself through before I finally surrender and just let God do His work in my life.

Tonight I am going to trust first.

Because I know God’s got this.

I know God is faithful.

I know He has a plan that will prosper me and bring me hope and a future.

And you know what?

I’m glad these complications are in the Hands of the One who created the universe, hung the stars in the sky and knit me together in my mother’s womb.

He can handle this.

Because nothing is too great for Him.

I feel your prayers and I know the prayers of many are a huge part of the peace I feel tonight.

Thank you.

God is Sovereign

Sometimes during my time with the Lord, I like to go back and read my journals.

Today I found something I wrote on April 28th, 2011 – a week after we learned that the woman working with Susan had decided not to place through her and about a week before I called Emily and figured out this woman had left Susan and called Emily!

Here is what I wrote:

God is sovereign.

That statement alone is the foundation of my complete trust in Him.

He created everything, He controls everything. And His Plans for my life are beautiful.

There was a day that I did not know of the work God was doing to bring me a little miracle.

Any day before April 9th, 2009, I did not know what God was going to do.

By my faith in God I was able to say things like…”God must have Something More” (in reference to all our failed infertility treatments), “I wait in great expectation of what God is going to do.” and “God is faithful still.”

And on April 9th, 2009, God started letting me in on His miracle and it WAS better than anything I had imagined.

As we now have really started our journey to #2, I am at that same place again …

Trusting God and expecting something better than my wildest dreams.

Because that is just how the God I serve works!

His ways are higher, His love is deeper.

And He is Sovereign.

Reaching that point

Seeing those ultrasound pictures made it all seem more real to me.

I don’t have a huge belly or little feet jabbing me in the ribs so it is sometimes hard to really comprehend that all this is happening.
 
But with a purple "office" that is being converted into a new nursery for a new baby, baby showers on the calendar and seeing Sweet Pea’s adorable profile through an ultrasound picture, it seems a little more "real".
 
I am still very guarded and I will be until we hear that TPR has been signed.
 
While Little Bug and Sweet Pea’s adoptions have been vastly different in many ways, there is one similarity.
 
I can remember reaching a point in Little Bug’s adoption where my arms just literally ached to have Little Bug born and in my arms and officially ours.
 
I can feel myself getting to that place again.

It is not pleasant to be here, because there is nothing I can do to speed up time or to know the final outcome of this adoption.

I know what I need to do but it is a daily battle to choose to trust the Lord and surrender my desire to want to control things that I have absolutely NO control over!
 
I know God’s got this and I can rest in Him.

I just know I am going to need some extra prayers in this matter over the next few weeks.

This is by far the hardest part of adoption for me…the waiting to know if this is really going to happen, or not.
 
I know no matter what, God has a plan and He will work His plan out to completion for His ultimate glory. My role in this is really quite simple, but very hard at the same time.

I am to simply trust in the God who has taken me on this wild and crazy ride called adoption, give thanks for what He has already done and trust Him to bring His plan to completion.
 
It is such a fine line that I must walk during these last few weeks of waiting for the baby to be born and for TPR to be signed.

I am busy getting a nursery ready, having showers and truly relishing in the fact that in just a few short weeks another precious baby will join my family.

At the same time, I know the risks of adoption and I know we are vulnerable.

I live a "two-faced" life of being extremely excited about this but also extremely guarded.

Not fun, really.
 
But I know who is in control and I know that He’s Got This as He has so clearly demonstrated to me since all this began on March 8th, 2011.
 
So I will continue on this journey of faith, keeping my eyes on the One who IS in charge.

36w1d update

Melody has experienced some contractions that sent her to the hospital.

Turns out, the contractions were just Braxton hicks contractions.

Melody is very ready to have this baby.

So are we.

It is definitely “ticking time bomb time”.

She is still just 2 cm dilated.