It’s Babywise Friendly Blogging Network Day today and we have some new members!! Brooke Apffel of Apffel A Day is here today to share about eight questions to ask your husband! You can find me over at Wiley Adventures!
I see my husband every single day. I fall asleep by his side every night. We have a date night once a week. Yet, I did not know the answers to most of the questions below.
It is easy to get caught up in the monotony of day to day life. Even date nights can become too routine. We often forget that it doesn’t just take a lifetime to know your spouse, it takes an intentional lifetime.
I created the following list of questions designed to get you deeper in your marriage. There are only eight here, but each one is a little seed that can sprout an entire conversation. Spread them out, be intentional and present when you ask, and, of course, listen.
1. What is your biggest struggle right now?
As tempting as it may be, resist the urge to fix it. I know for me, my husband can tell me an issue he is having and I immediately think of about twenty solutions. I barely let him finish his sentence before bombarding him with excitement because hey guess what buddy, I have twenty different ways to make it better!In reality, he doesn’t want solutions most of the time. He just wants to confide in me. I would encourage you, unless your spouse directly asks for your opinion or your help, to try and take a step back and listen without any intention to remedy the problem. Maybe offer a hug, or some prayer, or just agree with him. He may just need someone to sit with and say, "you’re right, and I am sorry you are dealing with this."
2. Where do you hope we are in 5 years?
This is definitely an entire conversation. A good glass of wine and dreaming of glimpses of the future…ahhh lovely. It is so important to know your spouse’s dreams, hopes, wishes, plans for the future. This could range from having more kids to buying a new home.As wives, we are called to encourage and support our husbands. How can we do this if we have no idea what our husbands hope for?
3. Are you confident that I love you?
This sounds worse than it is intended…hang with me for a second. My husband tells me that he loves me all the time…and of course it is my favorite. But, there have been a few times where I tell him that I love him, and his response is, I know you do.
Music to my ears. To have someone truly know that I love them, when I try my best to show them just this, it is amazing.
I want my husband to know that I love him…I think as wives we all do. But, every person is different. There are so many ways to receive love…some more impactful than others. Get to know the ways your husband feels loved and put your effort there.
This question simply opens the door into a deeper understanding of how your husband receives love.
4. How can I make your day to day easier?
I love this question. To be honest, I enjoy being the receiver of this question than the giver. Why? Because it is just that…a gift. The answer normally requires effort, and this is not always easy.
You could be doing something simple, that would maybe take only a few moments, but it would completely change the pace of your husband’s day…in a good way!
Make this question a habit. Stick it in with that good morning text and start your day being selfless towards your hubby.
5. What is the best marriage you have seen modeled?
Just last night, my husband and I were on a date and I whipped this question out. We both thought about it for a quick moment and we came up with the same couple! I guess it is a good thing to agree on what you want your marriage to look like.
6. Is it a stress reducer or stress enhancer to be home? Why?
Brace yourself for the answer and allow your husband to be honest. Try not get defensive, but instead actually listen to what your husband is saying.
I feel my job as a wife and stay at home mom is to create a safe place for the entire family…a haven. If my husband feels more uptight than comfortable when he is home, I want to know. How can I change this? How can I make our home a haven for my husband?
7. Are we having enough sex?
I am sure most men, unless you are wonder woman, would give this answer to their wives. But, the question is not, are we having as much sex as you would like? It is, are we having enough sex?
Men are physical. They have a deep need for sex. Plain and simple. Just as women have a deep need for intimacy and affection. And nothing strengthens a marriage more than meeting one another’s needs.
This question is also an entire conversation. Determine if you are meeting your husband’s need for sex. If no, then why not? Are you not being met in your need for affection? Are you too tired at the end of the day? What could you do to make sex be a get to and not a have to?
Don’t allow routine weekend sex be the norm in your marriage.
Spice it up!
8. Do you think we have a passionate relationship? If not, how do you think we could?
Just the other night we were sitting on the couch and a romantic movie sparked this question. Of course no relationship is like a movie…but, I remember this crazy passion I had for my husband when we were dating.
All I thought about was him. He was so exciting, mysterious, interesting, inviting, and he drew me in like a magnet. This passion fizzled.
There is not a doubt in my mind that I love my husband, but the passion is not what it used to be. Distractions surround us…work, chores, baby…life can be a little much. This just means we have to fight.
Fight for your husband. Choose them over you. Work tirelessly to regain that passion back. Even something as simple as trying a new restaurant on date night or getting a hotel for a night can spark something simply amazing.
I hope more than anything these questions get you talking. I hope they strengthen your marriage and get you two deeper. Here are some unique dates sure to liven things up a bit! Now go enjoy your spouse.
Don’t forget to visit the new members of the Babywise Blogging Network by clicking on the links below!
Amy @ Amy Schlichter
Carrie @ Wiley Adventures
Shea @ The Moses Home
Stephanie @ Giving It Grace
Kimberly @ Team Cartwright