One of my favorite pictures of all time

This is one of my favorite pictures.

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It speaks volumes as to what was happening those first few days after Sweet Pea’s birth.

Having not been present at Sweet Pea’s birth, I didn’t meet my second daughter until she was over 2 days old.

This picture was taken shortly after meeting her for the first time.

The night of Sweet Pea’s birth, I lay in bed tossing and turning because I knew this sweet baby was in a hospital by herself with no mother taking care of her. I would almost fall asleep and then I would have visions of this tiny baby laying all alone that would not allow me to drift off to sleep.

Not even her birth mother was with her because Sweet Pea had been transferred to a different hospital hours after her birth. Her birth mother had remained at the hospital where she had given birth.

The only way I finally found sleep that night was to pray that God would send a special doctor or nurse that would take Sweet Pea under his/her wings and watch over her until we were able to go to the hospital once the TPR had been signed 48 hours after Sweet Pea’s birth.

God did send a special doctor. Dr. Marvelous looked after Sweet Pea and came running to meet us once she learned the adoptive parents had arrived at the hospital.

This picture is so precious to me because here is Sweet Pea, laying on her hospital bed, the nurse doing something at the foot of the bed. Sweet Pea is alert, eyes open wide, her head is turned to my direction and she is looking directly into my eyes.

It is as if she knows.

This is my Mama. I am not alone in this world.

Laying there, she is the picture of vulnerability. I love the way her little arm is curled up against her chest, her tiny feet sticking straight out and her adorable eyes looking up at me and crying out asking, Will you be my Mama??

I always hear about precious moments between women who give birth and then their baby is placed on their chest immediately to start bonding. Some women even choose to not deliver at the hospital so that they can have this precious time after birth with their baby instead of a nurse taking the baby away to do hospital protocol procedures.

There is nothing more beautiful than seeing a picture of a woman who has just delivered her baby and that baby has been placed on her chest. Mother and baby’s eyes meet for the very first time.

I could feel like I was “missing out” by not having these birth and right-after-delivery-moments with my babies, but God, in His great mercy, has given me precious moments with both of my daughters soon after their births.

This was my moment with Sweet Pea and it just so happens that my mother caught this moment in a photograph.

The moment my heart bonded with my second daughter.

A post all his own

I thought about including Dave in my Top 10 post, but then, I decided he deserved a post all his own. Smile

I am extremely blessed in the husband department.

I love my marriage because we are a team. It is not him and me working through life: it is us.

We live on the same page and we are constantly mindful that it is during the trying times in life when marriages become vulnerable. And so we work that much harder to be a team.

I love the way we communicate. It is how we manage to always stay on the same page of life together. We talk about everything. No topic is off limits.

We have “meetings” were we discuss things that we each can do to make life a little bit easier for the other.

This has been invaluable to me as we are transitioning from a family of three to a family of four and as we are learning to manage Sweet Pea’s tummy pains.

In those first weeks when I was taking care of both girls by myself, Dave would come home from work, cook dinner (that is the usual scenario!) and then, he would clean up, too! Clean up is my responsibility, but he knew I couldn’t do it and needed to be in the rocking chair instead bringing comfort to our newborn baby girl.

I’ve since taken back my clean up responsibilities.

Dave works all day long “writing code” (as Little Bug says). My work is our home. I take pride in taking care of our children and taking care of the household duties. I have things planned and organized in a way so that chores are taken care of before Dave gets home so that we can have family time and not have to “work” in the evenings.

Well, obviously, all that is out the window with a newborn in the house.

I woke up one morning to find all our laundry had been washed and was sitting clean in the laundry baskets! He knew I just couldn’t keep up so he took care of it.

(Later he told me he just needed a clean pair of underwear for the next morning. Just kidding.)

Every single night since we have been home with Sweet Pea, Dave does Sweet Pea’s 11pm feeding so that I can go on to bed. He knows how to settle her when her tummy is hurting.

When he knows Sweet Pea is settled he picks up her bed and moves her into our closet and crashes for the night.

We have two bottle washers in this house: the dishwasher and Dave. Without complaining he willingly cleans all those millions of pieces every night and then fixes the bottles and puts them in the fridge.

He is one of a kind and I know it. I am tremendously blessed.

I am tremendously blessed that my husband values our marriage over everything else – even our children.

Little Bug and Sweet Pea are blessed to call Dave their Daddy. Adoption gave these girls a Daddy — something neither one would have had the blessing of had it not been for their adoption into our family.

I could go on and on, but I will stop here and say that I want to never lose sight of how blessed I am in my marriage to Dave.

Little Bug’s 1st Easter

Last Easter, we had just found out three days ago that we were FINALLY “pregnant”. We were still walking around in a daze trying to comprehend that we would be parents in just TWO months. The Monday after Easter, we met Little Bug’s birth mom for the first time. Six weeks later, Little Bug was born.

What redemption occurred in my heart over those days. I went from being a woman longing for a child to being a woman whose arms were FULL with the greatest blessing I could have ever imagined … DSCN2466

 

Our Family on Little Bug’s 1st EasterDSCN2462

 

Little Bug had her first Easter Egg HuntDSCN2493

She found an egg and is so excited!DSCN2497 

 

We stopped for a visit with Jean and Ethan. Little Bug and Ethan had a little Easter Egg Hunt together!DSCN2539

 

Miracle Babies on their 1st EasterDSCN2558

Failed CCT & a Window of Opportunity

I failed the Clomid Challenge Test.

Day 3 FSH: 7.8

Day 10 FSH: 13.3 (Should be <10)

Day 21 Progesterone: 19.7

I couldn’t help but start crying right there in the doctor’s office.

However, contrary to what I had read on the internet about failing a Clomid Challenge Test, I quickly learned that failing for me was not complete gloom and doom for one simple reason.

My age.

Dr. L told me that a Clomid Challenge Test is an indirect measure of my egg quality and age is a far more important factor.

So basically, finding all this out could not have come at a more perfect time.

I am 27.

The endometriosis is gone.

The events of the past almost 18 months have been woven together into a window of opportunity that only the Hand of God could do.

If we are going to have biological children, NOW is our window of opportunity, given these newfound circumstances.

I believe this window of opportunity is a gift from God.

God’s Timing is always perfect and way better planned out than we can plan things out.

At first, I couldn’t help but be mad and angry that it was me who had to have the endometriosis and consequentially, fail the CCT.

But looking at things from God’s perspective always gives you the brighter side.

God is still at work bringing this journey to completion for His glory alone.

I still wait in great expectation of what God is going to do next.

Please pray with Dave and me, especially in the next few days, as we pray for God’s guidance and peace towards choosing the next path and moving towards it.

Thank you for your prayers today!

Decorating for Christmas

Last night Dave and I went to one of our favorite restaurants in town and then came home and put up the Christmas Tree! I know … it’s not even Thanksgiving yet. (There is still a scarecrow in the yard and the fall wreath is still on the front door.)

This got me thinking about my emotions this Holiday Season. I think of Thanksgiving being a time to be thankful for God’s blessings and with Christmas comes ultimate joy.

And this Holiday season those are the two prevailing emotions rolling around in my heart. I have so much to be thankful and joyful about. So much.

I must admit, last year as I packed up the fall decorations and pulled out the Christmas decorations I thought, "Next year when this time comes, my baby will be here or I’ll at least be pregnant!" 

But I am not.

And while a year ago, if given the choice to either A) Get pregnant within 6 months of trying or B) Travel the road of infertility, I most certainly would have picked choice A – without hesitation.

But I would have missed out on so much …

  1. A deeper and more personal relationship with God.
  2. Invaluable lessons learned about God’s Plan vs. my plan and how God’s Plan is ALWAYS better.
  3. Invaluable lessons learned about trusting God
  4. Witnessing another example of God’s faithfulness in my life as He walks me through this trial.
  5. A strengthened marriage and greater love for my husband.
  6. Witnessing firsthand the power of prayer as so many people have prayed on our behalf for us through this. (Thank you!)
  7. The women I have met through blogging.

So … it’s a good thing GOD chose this road for us. He certainly knew what He was doing – even though at times it has seemed everything under the sun is completely out of control.

I’m reminded of a simple children’s song … "He’s got the whole world in His Hands."

He does. Even if, right now, it seems like the world is crashing in upon you from ever direction.

So, yesterday I packed the fall decorations up once again. But this year, I didn’t think too much about if I’d have a baby or at least be pregnant by next year.

Instead, I put my focus on thankfulness and joy.

Jesus came at Christmas as a baby boy, born to a virgin woman, with the purpose of being the Savior of the world.

He came, bringing HOPE, to you and me.

Wound Check & Answer to April’s Question

The wound check appointment went well today. I saw Holly and she said my four incisions look great!

April asked if I have watched Ava and Ella since birth and if I enjoy childcare.

Since the story of how Ava and Ella came into my life is just another example of God’s faithfulness to me throughout my life, I will share the story.

The day after our first negative result from an IUI cycle, a friend of mine called me unexpectedly and asked if I had a family I was nannying for.

After four years of teaching 4th grade, I had quit teaching because (haha) we were planning to get pregnant soon after our wedding. I had decided being a nanny would be a good way to spend my time and earn some money while I awaited the birth of my own child.

At the time of my friend’s phone call (August 2008) I had just ended a nanny job in April and wasn’t really looking for another position because I knew my ideal nanny position probably didn’t exist. I really desired to nanny for a family, with twins, until the babies turned a year, because, I figured, by then it would probably almost be time for me to give birth to my baby.

So the day after getting the negative results, Julia called me and told me a friend from work (Natalie) has twin girls who she just put in daycare. It was a horrible experience for both mom and babies. Natalie was upset at work about it and my name popped into Julia’s mind. Julia told Natalie she would give me a call.

When I started working for Natalie, the girls had just turned 9-months-old. I did not want to commit to anything long-term since I do not know what the future holds for me concerning pregnancy. So, we decided that I would watch the girls until their first birthday.

Because everything has worked out so nicely for everyone involved, the girls turned one on Tuesday but I was at work keeping them on Wednesday and I’ll be there again on Friday!

I will continue to watch the girls (2 days a week) for as long as it works out for everyone. I am to give Natalie a months notice when I am no longer able to work for her.

I LOVE MY JOB! In fact, I can hardly call it a “job” or “work”! You ask, “It’s twins. It’s got to be work!” They are the sweetest little girls! They are so patient and rarely cry. The only “work” involved is when one of them has an explosive diaper and I have to clean everything up. But that’s only happened, I think, three times. And then there are the feedings, normal diaper changes, playing and reading. But to me, that is fun, and I love spending two days a week caring for these little girls.

Ava and Ella truly are a blessing to me. God has not chosen to give me my own child yet, but He has given me Ava and Ella to take care of for now.

And I am so blessed!

Nehemiah 8:10

The joy of the Lord is your strength. Nehemiah 8:10

God has blessed my life so graciously and really, I have so much to be thankful for.

As much as I want to be a mother, I know my cup is full to the brim and finding out I am pregnant will only make my cup overflow. God has given me so much already to be joyful about.

I think, if we look into our lives hard and long enough, we can all find tremendous blessings present – even if at this very moment your heart is longing for something that sometimes seems light years away or if something in the past happened to you that was a traumatic event.

Think about it. How has God blessed you? Let’s fill this post with comments sharing how God has blessed you!

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