Overwhelming Goodness

Another thing that really helps me keep things into perspective during this challenging time of two 2 and under is remembering the miracles God has performed in my life in just the span of two years!

I went from infertility treatments to mother-to-two in just two years! And all through the miracle of adoption.

Some people are on a waiting list to adopt for two years.

When I think about that I am overwhelmed in God’s goodness to bless me with Little Bug and Sweet Pea.

This is something I wrote the morning after meeting Sweet Pea, but I am just now getting around to publishing it.

Sleep must be overrated these days because you would think I would still be asleep right now considering how little of it I have had over the past 24 hours.

But, I am sitting here, with tears clouding my vision, marveling again at the goodness and faithfulness of our God.

I feel so unworthy of my blessings but then I remember none of this has ever been about just ME. It is ALL about GOD and Him receiving glory through me.

And God has received glory through the events that have been my life for the past four years.

It’s overwhelming to think of where I was on this journey as a newlywed just desiring to have a baby and to think about where God has brought me today.

God has certainly walked me through the fire and strengthened and grown my faith in Him in ways I never imagined possible. There is no limit to the kinds of miracles God can perform.

All He needed from me was my heart – my surrendered heart that truly said not my Will, Father, but Yours.

And then, He unleashed His richest blessings on me.

My precious daughters.

contents of my head & heart

I have no idea where this post is headed. It is just the contents of my head and heart on this September morning…

It’s official. I dislike the “newborn phase”. I don’t know if it has to do with the fact that my newborns have been challenging and anything but “normal”, but I much prefer babies once they reach the age of crawling and scooting around. That is when the fog started to lift when Little Bug was a baby and I can remember telling myself before Sweet Pea’s birth that things would get easier once Sweet Pea hits 6 months.

I forced myself to enjoy Little Bug as a teeny tiny newborn and I am doing the same for Sweet Pea.

The lack of sleep really gets to me. I am like a baby myself because I require an unusual amount of sleep. My mother tells me I would come home from Kindergarten and take a nap every day. Kindergarten!! Most kids have long ago given up naptime by the time they go off to school. Not Miss Needs to Sleep A lot.

When Little Bug was a baby, we would wake up at 7ish for her to eat and then we would sleep the morning away together in my bed until she needed to eat again. I learned very quickly you don’t have that luxury with the second child! And I thought I was "sleep deprived”. Ha! I am so funny.

It seems like since we started down this road of infertility four years ago (it is crazy to me that four years have passed since those days) that life has been nothing but challenges for me with some being bigger than others but challenges for me, nonetheless.

Infertility and the failed IUI and IVF cycles…then Tracy drama as we waited for Little Bug’s birth…then Little Bug’s withdrawals and first time mom challenges…then, just when life seemed to be settling, Tracy winds up pregnant again and there we went with 6 more weeks of Tracy drama…then we uncover Tracy’s deceit and go on our merry way thinking we will begin adoption #2 after Little Bug turns two…God had other plans and before Little Bug turned two we were matched again…and now we are dealing with the tummy saga.

It has been a very blessed road, but a challenging road all the same.

I am ready to enjoy life with no challenges, no situations in life where God is trying to grow me and teach me more about Him!

I know. Welcome to real life, where challenges are just a part of living.

I guess when we started to try and have a family that is when I lost my carefree, innocent existence and I started to learn about life in the big city where everything isn’t all peaches and cream and bad things happen to good people all the time.

Little did I know infertility was just the first of a string of challenges headed my way.

As I look back on the past four years, I see God’s hand on it all. Each challenge was placed in my life for a specific purpose. Each challenge has grown my faith and strengthened my trust in my Heavenly Father.

Trials and challenges in life are really a blessing.

I am one very blessed woman.

To think four years ago I had just gotten my very first negative pregnancy test on September 20, 2007. There was so much hope, even though even then I had my suspicions that it might take a while. I had just taken the first step of my journey through infertility, although, at the time, I did not realize where I was and where I was headed.

It didn’t take me long to figure things out. By Christmas I knew something was up and just after the new year we started seeking medical help.

And now, four years later, I am the mother to two little girls and infertility is a season passed.

I can remember thinking as I walked that road that I would never be freed from the pain and sorrow. I could not see an end.

There was definitely an end. I cannot pin point a certain day that I stepped off that road, but I have.

One of the greatest blessings of my life is that I grew up dreaming of pregnancy and I have never experienced any of that and yet I am totally okay. There is nothing in me that desires to seek a pregnancy.

I am a mother. All along, that was really the cry of my heart. I just wanted to be a mother.

I’m a mother alright! My two little girls keep me hopping all day long! They are, in fact, quite challenging right now, but we are making memories and I know, one day (probably sooner than I think) I will look back on these first few months as a mother of two and laugh at the craziness of it all.

I never would have chosen to have my children two years apart, but I have learned full well in the past four years that God’s plan is always perfect and always best.

He has things to teach me during this challenging time of caring for a baby dealing with drug withdrawals and her very active 2 year old sister!

I don’t want a peaches and cream life because 1) I hate fruit and 2) it is during the challenging times of life when God teaches us the most and grows and strengthens our faith in Him.

I want to keep learning.

Stay tuned for Q&A #3 coming later today.

Rebecca’s Miracle

I have seen God move and perform another miracle and I am completely in awe of his loving faithfulness.

Here is the story that brought Rebecca her miracle baby boy, Levi Luke:

Rebecca and her husband, Luke, decided they were going to to put in their application to Emily’s agency (the same agency I use) so that they would have a little more exposure.

July 18th, Luke and Rebecca had a phone conference with Emily at 6:30pm.

The next day, Rebecca was away from home and when she returned that afternoon she had a message from Emily that said, “A situation has come up. Please call me as soon as you can.”

Rebecca put her son down for a nap and called Emily.

Expecting her phone call, Emily answered right away but then asked if she could call Rebecca back because she was in the middle of taking care of something.

My cellphone alerted me that I had a new email in my inbox. I checked itt. It was Rebecca and she simply wrote “you around by chance?”

I got on my laptop and we started chatting. Rebecca told me that Emily wanted to talk to her about a possible situation.

We were both beside ourselves in excitement thinking there was a birth mother due in couple months that Emily wanted to show their profile to.

As we were chatting online, Rebecca typed, “phone” and I knew Emily had called!

Several minutes later, Rebecca was back online to give me the scoop.

It wasn’t a birth mother that was going to deliever in a couple months…it was a birth mother that had delivered (six weeks early) a 3lb. 15oz baby boy the PREVIOUS NIGHT and Emily wanted to know if Rebecca was interested!

To say Rebecca and I were shocked is an understatement.

Rebecca started seeing if the details could come together this quick on her end and I started praying. And praying. And praying.

Knowing and believing if this was Rebecca’s baby, God would make it happen, one way or another.

By that evening (July 19th), Emily had told Rebecca she would be at the hospital at 11am to show the birth mother Rebecca’s profile.

I told Rebecca I was leaving my house at 11am the next morning to go to the store to buy some preemie clothes in FAITH that this baby was hers.

I left my house right at 11am and just as I pulled onto the highway, my phone alerted me to a new email.

As I got to the parking lot of the store (safe driver that I am Smile ), I checked my phone to read the email, expecting another update from Rebecca.

Instead, it was a forwarded email from my mother that my mother’s friend, Cindy, had written her.

As I read the email my heart sunk to my knees.

This is what the email said:

I work with a lady whose expecting daughter had planned to put her newborn baby boy up for adoption when he arrived. The baby boy was born premature (3lbs.) this week, but he’s a little fighter and is now breathing on his own. They are working through [the name of my agency] (is that the one your daughter & husband went through?). The lady I work with said that the people they have lined up for them to interview so far already have children, and she said they would really prefer a couple who cannot conceive and have had no children as of yet. Do you or Elaine know of a couple who would meet their criteria for this adoption?

My mother was meeting me at the store, but I called her immediately after reading this and said, “I just read the email you forwarded me! I need Cindy’s phone number. I need to call her right now!!”

She was already waiting for me in the parking lot and came over to my car where she looked up a number she had for Cindy.

I called but only got voicemail, so my mom called the church office and asked for Cindy’s work number.

Cindy answered on the second ring!

I told Cindy that I was Norma’s daughter and she said, “Well, you must have gotten the email I wrote her earlier today!”

I said I had gotten it and that I knew the family that Emily was going to present to the birth mother today!

She was astounded.

I told Cindy that Luke and Rebecca do have one biological child but they are infertile now and have been told adoption is their only option to grow their family.

Before we hung up, Cindy said she would call the birth mother’s mother and tell her that from a very reliable source she gives Luke and Rebecca a very high recommendation.

I hung up with Cindy and just cried. My mom was right there and ready to tell me, “Elaine, GOD is in control!!! He’s got this!!!”

It was then that my mom informed me she had been to the hospital to pray with a woman and had decided to stop by the house on her way to meet me at the store. It was during this time that she decided to check her email and she read the email from her friend about this baby! Had she not stopped, she would not have gotten the email until late in the afternoon.

I looked at the clock and it was 11:30. Emily should have already been at the hospital talking to the birth mother! I wondered if Cindy had had enough time to get in touch with the birth mother’s mother.

At 12:30 I was to meet a friend for lunch. While we were siting at the table my phone alerted me to another email. It was Rebecca this time and she wrote saying she had just received an email from Emily saying she was talking to the birth mother RIGHT THEN! It was 1:15pm.

My heart soared because obviously Emily had been delayed and had not gotten to the hospital until closer to noon. This gave me hope that maybe my mom’s friend had been able to contact her coworker and put in a good word for Luke and Rebecca.

Around 3pm, my cell phone rang and it was a very excited Rebecca!

She said that the birth mother liked their profile and had chosen them!

Then she said, “But something really strange happened. The birth mom’s mother somehow knew that the couple was going to be a ‘Luke and Rebecca’. She knew this from an email or something like that.”

I told Rebecca, “You know who got that email this morning??”

She said, “Who??”

I said, “My mom!!!!”

After reading something like this, and reading how our match happened back in May, I don’t see how anyone could say there is not a GOD.

And not only a God, but a God who knows all things, controls all things and works out all things in His time and for His glory.

God’s hand is completely in BOTH of these situations.

I have witnessed TWO miracles in the span of two months!

To God be the Glory!

Click here for Rebecca’s post about all this! Very awesome!!!

It’s His Show

It’s been 11 weeks since I made that phone call to Emily. These 11 weeks have flown by…I am not sure where May and June went. July is over half-way over and here we sit today at 37 weeks.

Time has flown by.

I’ve definitely reached that point when I just want Sweet Pea here, in my arms and completely ours.

But there are still more days (weeks) to walk before this can happen.

During my time with the Lord this morning, I came across this verse and it spoke volumes of where I am today:

Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD. Psalm 27:14

That is where I am today: waiting on the Lord to move.

This is His show. He is the one that calls the shots, He is the one directing. He is the one that will tell when it is time to pull back the curtain and let the performance begin. It is all for His glory.

I am just one of many sitting out in the audience waiting for the show to begin.

I have no say so in who the characters will be or how the drama will unfold.

So I’m gonna go get my popcorn, prop my feet up on the theater chair in front of me (as long as one of you aren’t sitting there already Smile) and I’m gonna wait for God to start moving.

Waiting on the Lord is torturous when I get up from my comfy seat in the audience and start trying to tell God what to do to get the show on the road.

Waiting on the Lord, truly waiting on the Lord to move, is peaceful, as long as I am holding onto the only thing keeping me in that comfy seat.

And it isn’t my popcorn.

It’s my faith in Jesus Christ.

more on the drama

I hate not being able to tell specifics. I really do.

The adoption plan is still in place at this time, however, there are some things that have happened that have complicated things for everyone involved.

And our lawyer told us to pray that God would bind “X” from happening, which could complicate things even further.

All of this, of course, leaves me feeling on edge.

I see the ticker up there and I see it says only 25 days and I just pray God allows this baby to come as soon as possible, although I know she will come on the appointed day God has chosen for her birth.

However, Melody is ready, we are ready and with these complications, it would just be a merciful act of God to allow Sweet Pea to go ahead and be born.

But the fact of the matter is God is still in control. And I am not.

And tonight, that is what is on the forefront of my mind.

It is almost as if God is reminding me of all that He has already done to place this baby with us and He is now asking me if I am going to continue to trust in Him to complete His work or if I am going to stupidly try to regain control and sit and worry for the next 25ish days.

I am going to trust God.

And let me tell you, even after all that God has already done in my life, it is a struggle to relinquish control and just rest in the knowledge that GOD IS IN CONTROL, not me.

But I know it is a choice that I have to make.

Am I going to worry or am I going to trust?

And I really feel like God has brought me to this place so that I can bypass the frazzled worry stage I usually put myself through before I finally surrender and just let God do His work in my life.

Tonight I am going to trust first.

Because I know God’s got this.

I know God is faithful.

I know He has a plan that will prosper me and bring me hope and a future.

And you know what?

I’m glad these complications are in the Hands of the One who created the universe, hung the stars in the sky and knit me together in my mother’s womb.

He can handle this.

Because nothing is too great for Him.

I feel your prayers and I know the prayers of many are a huge part of the peace I feel tonight.

Thank you.

poured out

Here are the contents of my heart, poured out in my journal on March 17th, 2011:

It’s Thursday and I am at my parents’ house. Little Bug is napping and I am in my old bedroom to spend time with the Lord uninterrupted. How many times I’ve poured my heart out to Jesus in this room…I don’t know! But this I do know…I am incredibly blessed. If God chose to not grow my family any further – I am blessed beyond measure. I spent countless hours pleading with Jesus to bring me my husband  – and He did – and then I spent countless hours asking God to please put a baby in my womb – and He did so much more than that.

I have learned throughout the past almost 15 years (I was fifteen when God really started His work in molding me and making me who He planned for me to be) so much about my Savior and yet, in comparison to who God is, I know only about as much that will fit into the period at the end of this sentence.

That is just how big God is.

My life is the Lord’s for His using. My infertility has taught me that I am not on this earth to simply enjoy life’s pleasures and then to live eternally with God when I die and go to Heaven. This life matters, even though it is fleeting and I can be here today and gone tomorrow. This life matters but it is not what the world says matters that really matters.

What matters is that I am living for Jesus. What matters is that I have laid my life before my God and I have said, “I surrender, do as you please with my life for your glory.”

That is what matters.

I am so thankful that God has shown me the whys behind my suffering with infertility. It is my platform for others to see Jesus through me as God works miracles through my life and as others watch and see how I am completely trusting God and the promises of His word.

People who do not know God have a hard time sometimes believing He is real but when they come across my story, they see tangible evidence of an invisible God at work in the life of me. Put aside all my other roles in life (wife, mother, daughter, friend) and that is my purpose in this life.

To allow others to see Jesus through me.

Writing and my blog are the tools God has given me to proclaim the good news of Christ and the hope He has to offer to the world.

I want to be found faithful.

As we find ourselves with the opportunity to adopt again this summer, if this birth mother chooses us after looking at all the profiles she will be presented with, I know this is another opportunity for God to perform another miracle in my life so that I can give the glory to Him.

Unfortunately, my heart knows and believes all these things with every fiber of my being, but I have a great enemy that HATES this – all of it.

He hates adoption because it is a picture of God and His love for us. He hates that I am happy, content and filled with joy in spite of the fact I am infertile. He wants me to be bitter, angry, jealous all the time. He hates that I have chosen to live my life for the Lord and he hates that God is making good from bad for His glory.

When the worry creeps in and when I feel myself getting impatient as I wait to hear if we were chosen to parent this baby due this summer, I must remember Satan is trying to pull me down by attacking my flesh since he can’t have my heart.

I must fix my eyes on Jesus.

living in neutral

This is something I wrote two days (March 10) after my friend sent me the text about the adoption situation and wondered if we would be interested:

Even when I try to keep my emotions in neutral when we are in a place like this where there is an opportunity but we don’t know where it will go…sometimes it is hard to stay in neutral.

When I say “neutral” I mean that I am not letting myself get hopeful, excited or carried away with dreaming about things should we be chosen.

But even better than describing this state as living in “neutral” it can be described as “walking step by step in faith”.

When this is on my mind, I am completely at peace: If this is our baby nothing is going to destroy God’s Plan to place this baby in our family. Nothing. Absolutely nothing!! (Jeremiah 29:11)

I must keep my eyes focused on that truth as I run this leg of the journey to #2. Keep my eyes focused on the prize—and the prize isn’t necessarily this baby.

The prize is God’s perfect amazing plan that will bless us with another child in His timing.

That is the prize!

Hebrews 12:2

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith.

A Response to a Reader

I received an email from a reader asking me how I can believe in God since it can not be proven that He really does exist.

I am no Bible scholar and honestly, when I read this email, my first thought was that this email would be better suited for a pastor, not me!

But then I just poured the contents of my heart out to this reader because God IS very alive in my life. He is the reason I walked through the fire of infertility unscathed. He is my Rock, my fortress, my strength, my joy in troubled times.

And HE is the one who orchestrated the Miracle of Little Bug and He is going to do it again as we are now on our journey to #2.

No, I’ve never seen Jesus, but I have witnessed Him at work in my life numerous times and that gives me a voice to answer this reader.

This was my response:

Thank you for your email. I love to hear from readers, especially ones like you that are questioning everything about God. First, I want to say that questioning God is totally normal. Wondering if He exists? Totally normal.

No, we cannot see, touch and literally SEE God. But I know He is real because of what He has done in and through my life. I KNOW sometimes it is terribly hard to trust that He is real and alive and present in our lives everyday, even when we are in a dark tunnel and cannot see the light. HE IS THERE. You just have to learn to look for Him.
 
And really, this is what faith is all about…believing in the unseen. Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1 And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him. Hebrews 11:6
 
I can only speak from my personal experience of walking daily with the Lord. God is a very personal God and He speaks to us in very personal ways. I guess on the outside looking in you could say that my faith is so strong because I come from a family where generation after generation has walked with God and had personal relationships with Him. But I know that is simply not the case. Yes, I come from generations of Christian family members BUT their faith does not give me any more or less faith. It is totally the individual’s choice to believe in God to to not believe.
 
I put my faith in the Lord when I was 8 years old. As a teenager God started working on my life. And by working on my life I mean that He starting building my faith in Him and teaching me truths about Who He is and what He desires from me. It was during my walk through infertility that God really started to do major work in my life to build my character and my faith in Him.
 
I found myself in a situation that I had NO CONTROL OF WHATSOEVER! As much as I desired to be pregnant, I couldn’t MAKE it happen. Then on March 8th, 2009, when we learned our chances of conceiving, even with IVF, were extremely slim, I found myself in the darkest, lowest, most hopeless place I had ever been in in my entire life. Here I was, a girl who had always dreamed of pregnancy and giving birth to four children, and now I was being told that was never going to happen? You better believe I questioned what God was doing in my life. I mean, hello God!, YOU put this desire in my heart, right??? And now you are NOT going to allow me to conceive…ever?!?!? It made NO SENSE whatsoever to me.
 
But I also knew something else. I HAD TO CONTINUE TO TRUST GOD. I HAD TOO. WITHOUT FAITH, I had nothing, no hope. So I choose again to put my faith in the Lord and surrender.
 
As I look back on my journey, I think we don’t realize just how important surrender is in our walk with the Lord. God requires faith, but in order for us to experience the good plans God has for us (Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”) I believe that we must first come to the place of total surrender to GOD’S WILL for our lives. What this means is that we relinquish our need to control, to "fix" things to the way we think God wants.
 
Since March 8th, 2009, God has really been working on my life and teaching me so much about surrender. I believe it is paramount to discovering God’s Will for our life. I had to totally LET GO of my desire for pregnancy. Instead of feeling deserted and forgotten by God, I surrendered to HIS WILL, not having any clue what His will was, and it was THEN that God did a miracle in my life.
 
God had opened our hearts to adoption in Dec. 2008. After the cancelled IVF cycle, I knew God was saying no to more treatments and yes to adoption! In obedience to God, I started filling out adoption paperwork and working on a family profile to be shown to prospective birth mothers. If you’ve read my blog, you know the miracle God performed. A little over 2 months after learning I would never conceive, I was holding my baby girl in my arms through the miracle of adoption. The circumstances that brought Little Bug into my life are nothing short of a miracle. Something ONLY God could have orchestrated and done.
 
And you know what? That was His plan all along! And it was BIGGER and BETTER than my wildest dreams!!! So why did God put that desire in my heart for pregnancy and then not fulfill it? Because He knew He had SOMETHING MORE than even pregnancy to bless me with!
 
My heart is so full and so content. It is overflowing! God is sooooooo good. You have to choose to trust Him, choose to surrender and then….the rest is totally GOD. Obey where you feel God is leading you to go and then stand back in amazement at what God is going to do through your life because your faith is in Him!
 
As we are starting our journey to #2, God is already teaching me more about faith and surrender to Him. When the time is right, I will be sharing more on the blog.
 
I hope what I have shared here has encouraged you in some way. PLEASE write me back with any more questions you may have. I seriously would love to help you figure all this out. Our walks with God are a continuous journey of growth and learning more about God and the truths found in His Word. I would love to help you find your way through this dark tunnel you are in right now. There is HOPE and there is LIGHT, but it is only found in Jesus Christ.
 
Take care and I hope to hear from you again,
Elaine

National Infertility Awareness Week: Thoughts from an Infertility Survivor

I consider myself an “Infertility Survivor”. I know some people claim they will “always be an infertile”. I just don’t think that way.

Sure, physically, I will always be infertile. My rotten eggs are not going to suddenly become viable and produce a pregnancy.

Emotionally, I am no longer “infertile”. Infertility does not affect my every day life anymore, even though, technically, we are “trying to conceive #2”. However, there was absolutely no consideration from me to even attempt to go back to infertility treatments this time around.

My heart is completely, wholly, 100% set on adoption.

Infertility is a thing of the past, a season of my life that has come, and now has gone. And while infertility is no longer a part of my everyday life, infertility has certainly left a permanent imprint on my heart and molded me into the woman I am today.

And I am forever grateful.

This morning as I was writing in my journal, I decided that this is something I needed to publish. So here it is: (I pray it brings encouragement to those of you reading this who are affected everyday by infertility – or whatever other trial God may have placed in your life).

My heart is just filled with excitement. Excitement for the miracle God is going to perform…again!

I love being infertile because it has stretched my faith to the point where I can honestly look into a future filled with tons of unknowns and be completely at peace because I know God is working, even at this very moment, and is ready to allow something as horrible and ugly as my infertility to proclaim to the world, once again, that God is faithful through it all.

As I look back on this journey, which began almost four years ago, I can see that every failed cycle, every disappointment and every dream that was shattered was used in a way only God could orchestrate so that HE would receive glory and I would become the woman I am today.

As painful as this journey has been for me, I wouldn’t choose any other path. On the day I was born God knew my body would never procreate. He also knew He had something more planned for me instead.

09797 - 100_4622

As we have officially begun our journey to #2 I just stand in great expectation of what God is going to do next.

I know it will be nothing short of another miracle.

And that is just exciting to think about.

And here we go…on our journey to #2

It’s already a totally different journey than the journey that took us to Little Bug.

We aren’t trying to swim up to the surface and catch our breath from infertility treatments and we haven’t been told there is a baby already waiting for us.

This time, we will have some waiting to do.

I have no idea just how long we will have to wait before we are matched, which is why I want to write down some things swarming in my heart right now before the truth that I am about to write about gets clouded through my human perspective.

Which is bound to happen at some point in this journey because, well, I am human.

I don’t want to allow myself to get hung up on the “wait time”. I don’t want one of those “Waiting Tickers” on the side of my blog that keeps track of every single day we are waiting to be matched.

I want to, as much as humanly possible, keep my perspective in line with God’s perspective and, to God, time is of no essence.

He already knows who our next birth mother will be. He already knows the day and the specific hour that we will receive a phone call saying we have been chosen to parent her child.

He already knows this child. He knows whether this child has already been conceived, or not.

He already knows whether we will welcome a baby boy into our home, or another little girl.

He already knows … everything. Every single detail, big and small, is already written out in His Master Plan. He has told me in His word that His plans for my life are good, will prosper me and will bring me hope and a future.

And quite frankly, I am sick and tired of acting like I have any say so in the matter!

I am sick and tired of worrying and fretting over details I have absolutely no control of whatsoever.

I wish I could say that I will walk this journey to #2 completely free of worry, doubt and fear of the unknown.

But I know it will creep in because Satan hates it when I put my complete trust in God.

However, I am bound and determine, through the strength of God’s PEACE within me, to not allow the worry, doubt and fear to consume me as I walk this road.

The fact of the matter here is that God’s got this … and I just gotta roll with it, knowing when things seem a little (or a lot) out of control, God’s still got this.

I don’t want to worry about time, birth mothers and failed adoptions because I really have no control whatsoever over any of those matters.

So, here we go. We’ve already put our name with one lawyer. We are talking to many different avenues and then will make a decision about what other avenues we want to put our name with very soon.

We’ve kept our home study up to date, knowing we wanted to adoption again after Little Bug’s second birthday.

Once we finish our research and make final decisions on who we want to work with, it will be time to wait.

And time to roll.

And time to rebuke Satan’s attacks.

And time to rest in the peace that God’s got this.