Infertility at Christmas

My heart goes out to those of you going through infertility during this holiday season.

Going through infertility is hard enough, but then add on the Christmas holidays and I know it can seem like you are suffocating in the emotions another childless Christmas can bring.

Four Christmases ago, I can remember doing some last minute shopping at JC Penney’s with my mother. It was a couple days before Christmas. Dave and I had just started trying to conceive that August and a couple days ago I had learned that another cycle was going to come and go without me finding out we had achieved a pregnancy.

This month was particularly hard to take because it was right before Christmas and my dream of announcing a pregnancy on Christmas morning had been totally crushed.

I remember walking through that department store numb to the world. There was the hustle and bustle of last-minute Christmas shopping going on all around me, Christmas music playing in the background, beautiful Christmas decorations every where I looked, but inside it certainly didn’t feel like Christmas to me.

As hard as I tried the tears just started streaming down my face as we walked around the store. It was a pain I had not felt in my heart before then, a disappointment that was beyond anything I had ever experienced. 

I was scared. I knew something was wrong and I was afraid I would never be pregnant.

Even though I am the mother of two precious girls, those emotions can never be forgotten. No, they are not on the forefront of my mind this Christmas Season, but I remember.

And I will always remember.

I just want to say to anyone reading this who is going through infertility this Christmas season that there is HOPE.

I know that the last thing you want to hear is that God has a plan and you are not forgotten, but that simple truth is your HOPE!

As I walked through that department store three years ago around this time, God had a plan. During those very hard times God desired for me to cling to Him and to His promises.

If you cling to Him, trusting Him to reveal His plan to you as well, you will not be disappointed!

The next Christmas we were still childless, but Little Bug was a tiny fetus growing in the womb of her birth mother.

Then, two Christmases later, this story came full-circle as God granted me one the desires of my heart: to make a pregnancy announcement to my family on Christmas morning.

A year ago I held a secret that only my husband knew. Our second child was on the way and I could not wait to tell my family on Christmas morning!

This Christmas as you are waiting for God to reveal His plan to you, rest in His promises.

And know that someone who has been there and felt the kind of pain you feel today is thinking and praying for you this Christmas.

Some More Thoughts

I know where all this sadness is stemming from.

It is coming from a dread of the future, which is pure silliness.

But, let me explain anyway.

While I felt total and utter relief from not having to continue to deal with Tracy drama over the next 5-6 months, after things have settled over the past two weeks I have realized that while those 5-6 months would have continued to be one wild ride, there wouldn’t have really been a lot of unknowns in dealing with Tracy.

And unknowns are scary, no matter how you look at them.

Sure, there would have been much more drama with Tracy. That was a given.

But ultimately, I knew the drama would only last a season and because of Tracy’s circumstances, I knew that she would be classified as very “low risk” as far as her deciding to parent. Basically, that isn’t even an option for her.

As much as I hate Tracy’s lifestyle and pray that she one day is freed from the chains of her sin, parenting not even being an option (or desire) for her really does provide a sense of “security” for an adoptive couple when all comes down to it.

Now, we head into the unknown.

Right before we got the call that Tracy was pregnant, Dave and I briefly discussed a timeline of planning for #2, knowing full well that God’s timing is our utmost desire.

We both felt we would be ready to start the adoption process after Little Bug turns two. We both think a three-year age gap would be ideal, but, like I already said, we know better than to plan and assume that our plans will also be God’s plan!

So, the lawyer’s phone call at the beginning of December certainly didn’t line up with our plans but we took the leap of faith and went with it, trusting God every step of the way.

And, as always, he was faithful … every step of the way.

I know that as we begin the adoption process again (most likely before the calendar says 2012), God’s faithfulness will be the thread that weaves our journey to #2 together.

As overwhelming as it was to think of dealing with Tracy for 5-6 months, it is also overwhelming to think of dealing with a new birth mother, a completely new situation.

So many unknowns. And unknowns are scary.

While Tracy certainly proved herself to be full of surprises, I know her. I know how she operates and I knew she had to place her child when it was all said and done.

And as crazy as it sounds, all that did bring a measure of peace that dealing with the unknowns just doesn’t offer.

So it’s a good thing my peace does not come from my circumstances.

My peace comes from the Lord.

I seriously couldn’t do this without my faith in the Lord. Where would my hope be?

In my next birth mother?

Wow. That is a scary thought.

No, my faith, my hope, my trust, my joy, my strength ALL come from the Lord.

And His supply is endless.

New Day, New Mercies

It is a new day, a new month and that can only mean one thing:

God’s mercies are new. He has brought me through another fire and I am still standing.

But I am not just standing.

I am standing firm because God is my strength, my peace, my joy in times of trouble and heartache and no matter what the devil tries to scheme against me, GOD has won.

Which means I won, because I’m on His side.

The promises of God’s Word are still true. There is no doubt in my mind that God has a plan, a perfect and beautiful plan that is far greater and far bigger than a biological sibling for Little Bug.

I learned that full well on my journey to Little Bug.

Yesterday was a day of sorrow for what wasn’t going to be and there were certainly tears, but ultimately do you know the overwhelming emotion I felt yesterday and continue to feel today?

Relief.

I am sure that might not make a whole lot of sense right now, which is why I have chosen to reveal the details of this drama.

The drama began with a text from Tracy to me on Monday, January 24th.

She asked me if we wanted to come over for dinner and help her get some furniture.

I replied that I had been asking around to see if people had any furniture they were trying to get rid of and could donate and we would just have to wait and see what is donated.

Tracy text me back that she was getting a kitchen table and needed us to come help her pick it up and then we could stay for dinner.

Not long after this text, I received a call from our lawyer.

The lawyer told me she had just received a text from Tracy saying she needed a sum of money to be able to buy a kitchen table because Dave and Elaine were coming over for dinner and she needed a place for us to sit.

I am sure at this point my jaw was on the floor, but believe it or not, this was just the prelude to all the drama that was about to unfold.

The lawyer and I made the decision that this was an outlandish request. The lawyer said she was going to call Tracy and tell her no, the request could not be granted.

On Tuesday, January 25th I received a phone call from the lawyer telling me that she had talked to Tracy and Tracy was livid that the lawyer would not give her the money.

Tuesday night Tracy was scheduled for an ultrasound in the evening. All we had from the adoption agency for proof of pregnancy was a “pregnancy confirmation” document.

Tracy was scheduled for an ultrasound at a crisis pregnancy center on Tuesday evening.

When the lawyer told me that Tracy was angry about the money situation, she warned me that Tracy may not show up for her ultrasound.

Tuesday afternoon I received a text from Tracy asking me why we had not paid the lawyer and did we really want this baby?

I replied that we had done everything the lawyer had asked us to do because, of course, we were very excited about this baby.

I never heard back from her and sure enough, Tracy dropped off the radar. No one could make contact with her at all.

It was at this point that we obviously knew something was up and we began to suspect that she might not even be pregnant.

Wednesday passed. Then came Thursday.

Thursday we learned that the crisis center had actually cancelled all the ultrasounds scheduled for that evening because of a bad storm we got that night.

Thursday I received a very unexpected apology text from Tracy. I felt for sure that Tracy had “left town”, but hearing from her made me think that maybe there really was a baby after all.

I just wanted to get to the bottom of all the drama and know one way or the other!

Tracy also made contact with the lawyer and the lawyer set up a meeting with Tracy for Friday morning.

During their meeting the lawyer made Tracy call and reschedule her ultrasound, because, for obvious reasons, we knew this ultrasound was key in knowing if this adoption was over or if we would proceed. At this point, I didn’t know how I was going to survive 5-6 more months of dealing with Tracy drama if there really was a baby!

Tracy knew it was imperative to be at the Monday morning (January 31st) ultrasound.

I was at the appointment right on time. I sent a text to Tracy and told her I had gotten there. She text me back that she was on the way.

Forty-five minutes later, she had still not arrived. I sent Tracy another text and asked her if she was almost there. She said she was and five minutes later, she walked in the clinic door.

While I was waiting, I had spoken to the woman at the front desk and briefly explained the situation. I told her I needed to know TODAY if Tracy is pregnant or not.

Not long after Tracy arrived, she was called back. I was informed they were going to talk to Tracy first and then they would call me back when they were ready to do the ultrasound.

Ten minutes later Tracy walked back out into the waiting room and told me that they could not do an ultrasound on her because she has had ectopic pregnancies in the past.

I immediately stood up and told Tracy, “We have to get an ultrasound today to proceed with this adoption. That does not make sense. I am going back there to talk to them.”

Tracy sat down on a chair and I walked myself through the door and told the woman at the front desk that I had to speak with the lady who had just talked to Tracy.

She said, “Go down the hall and take a left.”

I found the woman and she was on the phone about Tracy with the manager of the crisis center.

She put the manager on hold and I told the woman, “This is the situation. We are not sure she is even pregnant. Drama has been going on for a week now and I NEED for her to have an ultrasound so we can get to the bottom of this. Please help me!”

The woman was very sweet. She asked me if I would talk to the manager. I immediately took the phone and pleaded my case to the manager.

Surprisingly enough, I got the same story that Tracy had just told me.

I understood. Tracy has had ectopic pregnancies in the past. (I do know this is true from official medical records when Tracy was pregnant with Little Bug.) The clinic is not a medical facility so their standard protocol is to not do an ultrasound on any woman who has had an ectopic pregnancy or who has had any bleeding during the pregnancy.

I also learned from the sweet lady at the crisis center that Tracy had said she had had some bleeding, which was another reason they were not giving Tracy an ultrasound.

The manger told me that the crisis pregnancy center could give me the name and number of another place where Tracy could go to get an ultrasound for a charge.

I told the sweet little lady that I needed that information. She gave me the information and I went back out to the waiting room.

Tracy had bolted.

She was no where to be found.

I went ahead and called the contact the crisis center had given me and found myself talking to another sweet lady.

I told her the situation I was in and that I needed an appointment TODAY, if at all possible.

She booked us for a 6:15pm appointment and I hung up with her and immediately dialed Tracy.

Of course, she did not answer.

I called the lawyer to fill her in on what was going on.

She told me she and her office would try all day to get in touch with Tracy and she would call me as soon as she knew anything.

Monday afternoon I received word from the lawyer that she had talked to Tracy and told her through texts that she HAD to go to this appointment at 6:15pm or her rent would not be paid tomorrow and she would not receive another penny from the agency.

Tracy text the lawyer back saying that she “couldn’t make it tonight”.

The lawyer text her back and told her we were done and to never contact her again for anything.

And finally, I had answers. Either Tracy was never pregnant to begin with or Tracy was pregnant, miscarried and was trying to see how far she could go.

When I learned that this was officially over I was sitting on my old bed at my parents’ house.  I had just laid Little Bug down for her nap and was waiting to hear from the lawyer. I heard the news, continued siting on my bed to take a few minutes to process, and then I walked downstairs to the living room where my parents were siting on the couch.

And the tears came.

They were tears of disappointment.

I knew they would come and I knew they would quickly go because ultimately I felt relief and like the weight of the whole world has been lifted off my shoulders. (I have another post coming soon about this.)

And while I can’t hardly believe the drama that transpired over the past week, it is what it is and ultimately I have hope in Jesus Christ.

Satan thinks he won this battle.

But I’ve got news for him.

Satan definitely has a stronghold on Tracy’s life, but on this brand new day, I proclaim to the world that God is good and God is faithful and Something More is coming!

Please don’t view me as a victim!

I am not the victim here. Tracy is.

Satan has a stronghold on her, not me.

I am as free as a bird soaring in the sky.

This is not the end of God’s story.

He’s got plenty still to write and I know it’s going to blow the socks right off my feet.

To God be the glory, great things He has done, is doing and will do.

Happy Easter

The Christmas Story continues with the Easter Story.

Baby Jesus lived his life here on earth and completed the plans His Heavenly Father had for Him.

Jesus came to earth as a baby born in a manger so that He could one day die on an old rugged cross as payment for our sins.

Even death could not defeat Him. He did not stay dead.

He is risen!

Hope is forever alive because He is alive!

0059 0034

0049

0021 

HAPPY EASTER!

The sun will shine again

I don’t think I’ve ever seen so much rain in my life! It has been a rainy week. It started raining on Sunday and here it is Thursday and it is still a dreary rainy day outside.

100_4516

I was thinking yesterday of how this rainy week is a good picture of my battle through infertility treatments.

Going through infertility is anything but sunshine and roses and is definitely like a rainy dreary day with a glimmer of sunshine in the mix.

Going through treatments, there is always a glimmer of hope that maybe this month will finally be IT!

There have been periods of time where the rain does stop. But then the infamous day arrives. The day where I would learn if I was pregnant or not. And always, the rain poured – hard.

Last night Dave and I were watching a movie and when we started the movie we were in one of those periods when it wasn’t raining. Then, the bottom fell out again and the rain was pouring and the wind was howling.

It reminded me so much of those three days when we learned our IUI cycles had failed. A storm of the emotional sense would rage through our home on those days.

The rain didn’t fall forever last night and the storm didn’t last forever when we heard of another failed attempt at pregnancy.

That’s how storms are. They are temporary, lasting only for a time.

In the midst of the storm our focus must be that the sun will shine again.

Today

Today is Mother’s Day. Today my mind is focused on the many women who are walking the road of infertility.

Today their minds are filled with …

Why am I still walking this road?

When will I ever get to experience the joy of motherhood?

Will I ever become a mother?

What is the purpose behind all this pain and heartache?

Why are people who “aren’t trying” pregnant and here I am longing for a child for years and still with empty arms?

Why after everything we went through to achieve pregnancy did we miscarry?

WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY?

If I had a penny for every time I have asked “Why?” we could have paid in full for our IVF cycle up front!

When you are drowning the sea of infertility and forced to live through days like today, the pain and heartache is enough to make you feel as though you are suffocating and you won’t be able to take in your next breath.

It hurts. It cuts us to the very core of who we are. On days like today, we want to curl up in a little ball in a cave and hibernate until the sun goes down and all the “Mother’s Day” festivities are over.

I know nothing I can type onto the screen of my computer at this very moment can take away the pain people feel today.

But I would like to say a little something.

If you are a child of God He has a plan and you must trust Him with it. You must believe God will not leave you where you are today.

Things may not turn out the way you think they should or even the way you are praying they turn out.

I am living proof of that!

God had HIS PLAN all along and Little Bug was it. Adoption was certainly never my plan but I am living the miracle of adoption and I wouldn’t change a thing … not a thing.

I want to challenge you to do something today.

There are times (like today) when we need to curl up in a ball and hibernate as we cry and scream out in our anguish.

But then we must pick ourselves up off the floor and press on.

After giving yourself time to mourn today, meditate on God’s Promises found in Jeremiah 29:11 and Ephesians 3:20.

“For I know the plans I have you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”   Jeremiah 29:11

Glory be to God who by his mighty power at work within us is able to do far more than we could ever dare to ask or even dream of.        Ephesians 3:20

Allow those promises to seep into your heart as you read. In my journey, I have found that it is these two verses that act as a soothing balm to surround my wounded hurting heart. Take these verses today and bind them to your heart. Claim those promises.

Trusting God isn’t as hard as waiting on God. It’s the waiting that is so incredibly hard.

But realize you are waiting on something that is better than you can imagine today.

You are waiting on something more and if you are a Child of God and your trust is in Him, your something more is coming. 

100_4420

I placed a white rose on the table to represent Little Bug because to me white symbolizes redemption and only our God could take something as ugly as infertility and make something beautiful come out of it.

Even in the midst of today’s pain, believe that God’s something more for you is coming.

Waiting

We are back from the funeral and are now over here at my Grandmother’s house for dinner tonight. I found a few minutes to update my blog and came here with the intent to say that I am bracing for the arrival of a very unwelcome guest that visits me on a very regular basis every single month. Some people refer to this unwelcome guest as Aunt Flo.

As I sat here at my Grandmother’s computer I happened to see this written on a card lying very near the computer …

You have to be POSITIVE always, never negative.
Wonderful advice, really. However, at this point in the journey, I can no longer allow myself to get hopeful, no matter the circumstances. And so my mindset is one of waiting … waiting for Aunt Flo to once again arrive.
I am not saying that I feel hopeless. As long as my faith and trust are in the Lord (as they will ALWAYS be), I will always have hope. My hope is not necessarily that I will one day conceive, but my hope is in the promise of Jeremiah 29:11.
No matter how bleak my circumstances continue to be, there is hope, because I know God has a plan. It is most definitely NOT my plan. However, I rest in God’s love knowing He will bring everything to fruition and one day I will see the reason behind all of these trials.
I do find myself at a very weary stage of this journey. I’m tired of failed treatments and hard decisions. If God chooses to once again not allow conception to happen through an IUI treatment, I know we will face another hard decision to make – quite possibly the hardest decision we’ve had to make thus far.
I was telling my family in the van as we were on the way home last night that sometimes I ask God if He isn’t ready to move on to someone else and teach them some things! I know my journey won’t be complete until God’s work is finished and I just have to keep plugging along knowing His grace is sufficient for whatever still lies ahead.
It’s overwhelming to sit and think about what may lie ahead. As we were traveling home yesterday God spoke to me through a certain situation on the trip home.
We were not certain which direction we needed to head on the highway. My dad was driving. I was just a passenger in the van. Had it been me in the driver’s seat I would have been in a panic. I hate not knowing where I am and I hate getting lost on the road. Here I was in the middle of who knows where, we didn’t know which way to go but there was not an ounce of panic in me. Why? My Daddy was in the driver’s seat and I knew without a shadow of a doubt he would figure out which direction we needed to go. I literally put my headphones on, turned on the music and enjoyed the ride through the countryside of North Carolina.
This reminded me that as I am on the road of infertility and at a loss for where we need to go next, my Heavenly Father is in the driver’s seat and I can sit back and relax as He leads the way.
I don’t need to know RIGHT NOW where I will be going a week from now, or even a day from now. He will guide us at just the right time and tell us where to go next.
That’s hope.

The Lone Ranger

I’ve probably attempted to write this post now several times but the truth is I don’t really know what to think about The Lone Ranger.

So I go back to the beginning. For weeks we prayed about doing IVF. There is still no doubt in my mind that God widely opened that door for us. There is still no doubt in my mind that God lead us to IVF.

We got the okay from God.

Then we had our consult appointment with Dr. L.

I started Birth Control.

Then came the stimulation drugs.

I had never really put a number to the amount of follicles I hoped would be in there. Sure, 15-20 would have been a great start, but with all my issues, I was honestly hoping for at least ten follicles to work with.

And here we are today … with The Lone Ranger … the one and only follicle that ever woke up and smelled the Follistim and Menopur!

I refuse to allow myself to think that this IVF cycle is a complete bust because I know that this IVF turned IUI cycle is going precisely how God planned it before I even drew my first breath almost 28 years ago.

Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.          Psalm 139:16

The Lone Ranger may have surprise me and everyone else, but it certainly didn’t surprise God.

Beth brought up a very complex question in one of her comments:

I’ve been wrestling with hope and how hope and reality go together … So where do we merge hope and reality in our lives?

If only there was an easy answer!

I certainly hope God will choose to answer the cries of my heart and allow The Lone Ranger to become Baby. This has been my prayer since learning this would be our only follicle this month.

Reality tells me that the odds are not in our favor.

One follicle.

Endometriosis which has more than likely done a number on the quantity and quality of my remaining eggs.

Not the hopeful circumstances I was hoping for with 10 eggs and at least 2 beautiful, perfect blastocysts to transfer!

It’s obvious this one follicle is a complete let down. I do find peace in the following verse, however:

Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. Psalm 42:5

I guess this verse has spoken so much to me in the past several days because it reminds me where my hope is and Who my hope is in.

I don’t have to be discouraged about The Lone Ranger even though I feel completely blind and clueless as to what God is up to with the outcome of this IVF cycle and from my eyes, things don’t look too promising.

God has lead us here now. Our plans for the IVF outcome are just that … our plans, our hope of what would happen. BUT …

Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails. Proverbs 19:21

As long as I keep my mind and heart focused on the fact that God does have a purpose and plan in all this to prosper me, no matter how bleak my circumstances continue to get, I’ll always have hope.

*****

Currently, there are 7.2 million fresh motile sperm (not previously frozen) waiting for the debut of The Lone Ranger.

Tomorrow we will return and use the 115 million sperm frozen for our IVF cycle. (The number won’t be that high tomorrow as many will be lost during the unfreezing process.)

I have more to say about The Lone Ranger but I’ll write more later.

H.O.P.E.

Holy Spirit

Optimism

Personal

Enlarged

Pastor Paul’s sermon on Sunday was about God’s gift of hope to us. He preached about four aspect of a Biblical hope.

"H" is for Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit verifies that our hope is really real. The Holy Spirit is our evidence.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

Our hearts can be filled with joy and peace as we trust in God. How would it feel to have your heart overflow with hope – instead of gloom and doom?

I love what the "O" stands for … Optimism!

Optimism is our eager anticipation of what God has said He will do!! Remember those two promises I wrote about yesterday? I eagerly await, anticipating how God will do what He is has promised He will do. Even if the outcome is far from what I imagine!

Whatever the outcome, I know it will be good!

Hope is the link between the already and the not yet. I titled this blog, "God’s Faithfulness Through Infertility" because God has been faithful to me through past trials and I know this present trial of infertility is no exception.

Let’s take a look at Abraham, who had optimism and trusted in the faithfulness of God.

Abraham was promised he would be the father of many nations but at the age of 90, he was still childless. But Scripture tells us, "Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him." Romans 4:18

Abraham had been told by God that he would be the father of many nations. Even at the childless age of 90, he put his hope in the Lord, because the Lord had said it would be so.

And Abraham became the father of many nations.

"P" is for Personal. God’s loving kindness is the basis of our hope. It is because of God’s loving kindness for mankind that he sent his only son, Jesus, to the world to be born as a baby. Hope came to us first in the form of a little baby lying in the manger. That hope is still available to us today. Even though, baby Jesus grew up and eventually died for our sins, He did not remain dead! He rose from the grave three days after His death, bringing forever hope to mankind who put their faith and trust in Him!

"E" is for Enlarged. Hope is a dynamic component of faith. As we hope in the Lord and we consistently see the faithfulness of God upon our lives, our ability to trust God only grows.

Stronger hope leads to a stronger faith, while a weaker hope leads to a weaker faith.

God has given us His Word (the Bible) as a means to develop our hope.

For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope. Romans 15:4

Put your hope in the Lord today! If you are going through a trial, whether it be infertility or something entirely different, putting your hope in the Lord will greatly change your outlook on your present circumstances.

No longer will you feel a constant feeling of defeat, anger and an overall sadness. Instead, you will feel hope.

For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. Romans 8:24

God is still at work … and at this point in the journey I hope His plan is the Christmas Miracle we’ve all been praying for!

But far greater than my hope is for a Christmas Miracle, my hope is in the first Christmas Miracle…Jesus Christ, my Lord.

For you have been my hope, O Sovereign LORD, my confidence since my youth. Psalm 71:5

God’s Gift of Hope

Why do I not allow infertility to bring gloom and doom into my life on a daily basis? Why do I not see this as a curse or something that is totally unfair?

Don’t get me wrong. There have been "those days" for me along this journey. Days where the tears flow freely and seem they will never stop. Days when my heart is discouraged. Days when I am angry about all this.

But … there is a difference here.

Overall, that is not my outlook on infertility.

Yesterday, during Pastor Paul’s sermon, it became crystal clear to me what the difference is.

My friends, the difference is God’s gift of HOPE, a gift that is available to everyone who believes in Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior.

Take a journey with me back to the time when the wise men were seeking Jesus. (Matthew 2)

We can see three sources of hope. King Herod’s hope was built on power while the Jewish people’s hope was built on position and possessions.

But, the wise men built their hope on the promises of God.

Long ago, it had been proclaimed that the coming Messiah, the Savior of the world, would be born.

And so the wise men set out on a journey, seeking to find this Christ Child (their gift of hope) that had been promised to them and the world.

The Bible is filled with the promises of God to his people. And because Jesus is the same yesterday, today and forever, His promises still apply to His people today.

I cling to these promise of God:

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Glory be to God who by his mighty power at work within us is able to do far more that we could ever dare to ask or imagine. Ephesians 3:20

With promises like that, what else do we need?

There lies my hope in Jesus Christ.

I rest in Jesus knowing whatever happens on this road of infertility, I will prosper, I will not be harmed, I have hope and a future ahead far greater than anyone on this earth can imagine for me.

That makes my soul rejoice! That fills my heart with joy and peace!

Even during this Christmas season when I was supposed to have already given birth to my first child or at least be pregnant!

Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. Psalm 42:5

Tomorrow look for a post about the four aspects of a Biblical hope (taken from Pastor Paul’s sermon):

Holy Spirit

Optimism

Personal

Enlarged