I was very apprehensive about parenting a 2-year-old and newborn. I remember telling myself if I could just make it through the first six months, I would be home free! Today is February 1st and I can hardly believe that my little Sweet Pea turns six months old tomorrow!

They say going from 1 to 2 kids is quite challenging. Having two kids two years apart has been very tricky at times but over the past 6 months, I’ve come up with a Top 10 List of things that have made life less hectic for me along the way. Thought I would share them here…

1. Have a playpen with toys/books set up for the older child to play in. Ours is set up in our bedroom. This is an absolute necessity for me because of the fact that Little Bug is the type of child that even at the age of 2.5 years old I have to keep a constant eye on her and if things go quiet for more than one minute I know she is up to something. So, if I need a few minutes to take care of the baby without having to worry about watching Little Bug, the playpen is a life-saver.

2. Let cleaning your house go. Especially in those first 2-3 months. Once the craziness of the newborn phase is over, you can slowly work back to keeping up with cleaning. Before Sweet Pea, I would spend about 30 minutes a day on cleaning. That way I didn’t have it all pile up on me and it was easy to tackle one task a day for half an hour. I let all that go when Sweet Pea was born. Weeks would go by without cleaning. If you are a neat-freak like me, you just have to learn that it is okay for the bathroom to be dirty and for dust to be on the furniture. I’ve just recently gotten back into my 30 minutes/day of cleaning to stay on top of things, most weeks. There is more to life than a clean house so…let it go!! My house won’t ever be as clean as it was before kids because 1) kids make messes and 2) it is more important to spend time with my girls than to have a model home!

3. Learn to laugh at the chaos instead of cry. Those first 8-12ish weeks were super crazy for me! Many moments I just had to stop and choose to laugh…or else it was cry and laughing is way more fun and relaxing! I would also think in those moments, “My girls won’t be this little for long. Before I know it they are going to be all grown up and I will miss these crazy baby days!” It is called being content with life how it is at that very moment. It goes a long way for relieving stress in those crazy moments (which will be VERY frequent during the first 2-3 months!).

4. Stay home more. This may not work for everyone, but for me, it does. Sometimes, it is just easier to stay at home and not go anywhere because going somewhere involves packing everyone up (bottles, diapers, paci, burp clothes, wipes, etc.) and having to manage everyone’s needs while out and about. Just not worth it much to me when you have two small children! That being said…I am not a hermit by any means now. Miss Social Butterfly would not have that! We do get out of the house! However, those random trips to PetSmart to have an “inside zoo” experience when it is 90 degrees outside don’t happen in the stage of life we are in now! It is just not worth the effort. It is much easier to just put them in the stroller and go for a walk around the block between Sweet Pea’s feeds! Once again, though, those impromptu PetSmart trips will come back…one day. And pretty soon, it is going to be easier and worth it again to pack everyone up and head out for an adventure beyond our home/neighborhood. (Side Note: Another huge reason for our staying home so much has been because of Sweet Pea’s overstimulation issues. It is easier to control her environment in my own house and keep her from getting overstimulated than it is for me to control her environment outside of our house. Hopefully, these overstimulation days are coming to an end soon though.)

5. When we do go somewhere and I am leaving without the help of my husband because he is at work, I always pack the car before putting the girls in the car. Usually, we are leaving after naptime so while both are tucked away in their cribs, I put diaper bags and anything else that needs to go with us in the car. If we are leaving after Little Bug does IP then I pack the car while Little Bug is playing in her room and Sweet Pea is sleeping. Then, when it is time to go, all I have to do is snap Little Bug’s car seat into the base and buckle Little Bug in and we are good to go!

6. Put both children on a schedule. Again, this may not work for everyone, but for me, I couldn’t imagine NOT having my girls on a schedule! Babywise is a lifesaver for my family. Babywise makes the smooth days that run like clockwork the norm and the crazy, chaotic days something that happens every once in a while when someone is having an ‘off’ day. Babywise makes life simpler because I know when the baby needs to eat and sleep – there are no guessing games. I have found in my babysitting/nanny/parenting experience that children thrive off routine and scheduling and I have seen this be true in the lives of both of my daughters.

7. Take time for yourself. I think so many times mothers feel guilty if they even want time away from their children! Find a time for you to do something apart from your children. For me, it is Saturday mornings. Dave gets up with the girls and lets me sleep in. It is good for children to have that one-on-one time with their Daddy. Little Bug loves Saturday mornings with her Daddy. He makes her a special French toast breakfast and they play together until it is time to come wake me up.

8. Get yourself ready to leave the house before the kids wake up. This is SUCH a time saver! After Sweet Pea’s birth I was late to everything. And I do mean everything. Late. I hate being late. If I am planning to leave the house with the girls in the early morning (before Little Bug has her IP time) I have found the easiest way to ensure we leave on time is for me to set my alarm half an hour or so before the girls are up and get myself ready during that time. When they wake up, I am ahead of the game and it is so much easier to feed and dress two little girls when I am already ready to walk out the door!

9. Plan ahead. Organization goes a LONG way when you have two small kids. If we are leaving to go somewhere I pack diaper bags, gets sippies and bottles prepared, lay out clothes, etc., the night before. I also have an “emergency diaper bag” in my car that has essentials for both girls should I forget to put something in their normal diaper bag/backpack. All that being said, there are still times where I forget things and am kicking myself! Just recently we packed everything and everyone up to go somewhere and we got there and realized Sweet Pea’s formula was still sitting in our refrigerator at home! Talk about frustrating!! Dave went back to get it and instead of being totally mad at myself I allowed myself to be human and forget something and went on with the day. Planning ahead and being organized does certainly eliminate most of those incidences though!

10. Right after Sweet Pea’s birth I had two baskets full of supplies for her. One was in our living room and the other was in our bedroom. I did this mainly for convenience-sake. Instead of having to go to her bedroom for every diaper change and every time she needed a new bib (which was very frequent!), I had diapers, bibs, burp clothes, wipes and onesies right there for me to use. Once I set up those baskets I felt more organized at home with things!

Ok, I know that is 10, but I just thought of another hugely helpful tip: Operate 15 minutes ahead of normal time. If we have to leave the house by 10am, I tell myself we have to leave by 9:45am. That extra 15 minutes allows for the poopy diaper I have to change right as we are ready to leave the house or to run back in the house to grab something I forgot. Once I get in the car and we are finally ready to go after taking care of all the unexpected things that you can just expect WILL happen with two small kiddos, I look at the clock and we are pulling out right on time…thanks to those extra 15 minutes!!

That’s my top 10 11.

Also, remember…time. There is certainly an adjustment period as bringing another child into the family changes everything. But, with time, things level out and life just falls into a new normal.

We are definitely there now and it feels great!!

I put Sweet Pea in the church nursery for the first time Sunday.

My philosophy on this has always been that I keep my babies with me until they become a distraction to others.

We go to the worship service first and then we go to our small group afterwards.

Worship starts at 9am, which is also Sweet Pea’s naptime. Up until a few weeks ago, Sweet Pea would usually just sleep through everything in her car seat. I would then feed her at 11am while we were in our small group.

But then, Sweet Pea stopped sleeping well in her car seat. She became a distraction mostly to me because I was worried about her not sleeping (and as a result getting overstimulated) and I wasn’t really able to pay attention to what my attention should have been on: the sermon!

I was a little hesitant to try the nursery with her because of her overstimulation issues and stomach issues. I just feel that I am her Mama and I know her best and the best place for her is with me – at all times.

My good friend is the church nursery coordinator and she mentioned that there were only two babies on the roll for Sweet Pea’s class. When I heard that, I figured I could go ahead and try leaving her in the nursery since she would be only one of two babies.

I figured if I took Sweet Pea’s portable sound machine to the nursery she might would sleep in her car seat.

We got there Sunday and I swaddled Sweet Pea in the miracle blanket and put her in the car seat with the sound machine plugged in nearby.

I explained about Sweet Pea’s overstimulation issues and said I would come back to feed her myself.

And then I left.

Of course, that Sunday I still didn’t hardly pay attention because my mind was constantly thinking about Sweet Pea! I just kept picturing her overstimulated and screaming her little head off. But I had a beeper and they promised to beep me to come get her if she cried at all.

I thought about running back there to check on her between the service and small group, but I said, No, she is fine. They would have beeped me if she is having a hard time!

I sat through small group again with my mind constantly on my little Sweet Pea.

At 11:20 I rushed to the nursery to feed Sweet Pea and found her sitting, happy as a little June bug, on the nursery worker’s lap. She was one of two babies and every thing was calm and quiet.

Sweet Pea had taken a short nap (short nap is better than no nap!!) and the nursery worker said she had been happy the whole time!

YAY!!! I was so relieved to know I CAN leave her and she will do just fine (as long as everyone is aware of her overstimulation issues and keeps things calm for her, which they did).

Sweet Pea came home from church and took a 3-hour nap and was her usual happy self the rest of the day too.

The following sums up Little Bug to a T.

We were having some trouble with Independent Play recently. Little Bug was opening her closet and pulling out every.single.toy. in there and opening her drawers and pulling out sheets and clothing.

It was a HUGE mess that was taking over half an hour to clean up! When Sweet Pea came along I didn’t have half an hour to clean all that up.

She was also climbing over the gate in her door way during her playtime. She was making up every excuse known to man of why she needed to climb the gate. I was having to put her back in her room multiple times.

So now every day before her IP time I tell her, “Little Bug, no opening closets and drawers and no climbing the gate. Do play with your toys and do choose to be happy!”

That solved the problem.

A few weeks ago I found a play kitchen on Craigslist and it is now in Little Bug’s room. It is a pretty big one and she has enjoyed playing with it since we brought it home.

Well, today I hear her say, “Mommy, I knocked over my kitchen!” (Again, if you know Little Bug, she is just trying everything she can to get me to come to her room. She waits to poop every day during IP so I have to come change her diaper. I am not even kidding.)

So, I come running to her room and sure enough, there is her huge kitchen leaning on it’s side. I asked her why she knocked it over.

And then, Little Bug proclaims, “But Mommy, I didn’t open my closet, I didn’t open my drawers and I didn’t climb the gate!!”

That right there folks, is the epitome of my Little Bug.

That is all very true, Little Bug. Thanks.

Always pushing the limits, that child is.

And here is another example. But this, I love. Because my child experienced a natural consequence and, in my opinion, having your child experience a natural consequences is the best way to teach them a lesson on obedience.

Let me set the stage: It’s naptime. We are sitting in the rocking chair in the living room reading some books before going to bed.

Little Bug sees her beloved Frosty the Snowman sitting on the kitchen counter.

She wants to hold it while we read. I told her that was fine as long as she did not play the song while we are reading. I told her if she chose to push the button we would have to put him back on the counter.

She goes to get Frosty and we settle in for a book. In the middle of a sentence, the song begins to play.

I just think, But of course, she just HAD to make him sing.

So I stop reading and get up with Frosty in my hand and go put him back on the counter.

Let the waters fall. Little Bug was completely and utterly heartbroken.

But I want my Frosty, Mommy.

To which I said, “Well, Little Bug, I told you if you make him sing we will have to put him up. You chose to not obey Mommy and you pushed the button, so the consequence to your disobedience is that you can no longer hold Frosty right now.”

But I want my Frosty, Mommy. I really want him.

I can see how it would be so easy to give in and give her another chance after seeing her broken little heart and her big blue eyes gushing tears of sorrow.

I thought for a millisecond about giving her another chance. But, no.

She went to bed crying for her beloved Frosty.

In this life, we have boundaries and limits and if we chose to cross those boundaries and limits, there are consequences.

She might as well learn this lesson over a stuffed singing Frosty the Snowman than over some other situation down the road when she is older that might actually for real break her heart or harm her in some way.

Parenting is so much more complicated than I ever thought it was going to be.

We always say to Little Bug, “What are we going to do with you, Little Bug??”

And she replies, “Love me forever.”

Yes we will. We will love this girl forever, testing-the-limits and all. After all, everything I do as her mother is grounded in my love for her. I hope she understands that one day.

If there is one thing I can’t stand, it is someone who pretends to have no problems.

You know.

Their marriage is perfect.

Their children are perfect.

Their house is always clean.

The laundry is always done.

They are never late.

Their kids are always properly dressed.

They always have dinner on the table right on time.

And, the best one yet…their children always obey.

Why do we feel the need to paint a picture for the world to see that depicts a “perfect life”?

I mean, my life is pretty much “perfect” in the sense that I have an incredible husband and two adorable daughters after spending many nights wondering if I would ever live my dream of being a wife and mother.

But, my life is far from perfect.

I am far from perfect.

I fail over and over again.

And do the same things I don’t want to do, over and over again.

I think I get a handle on it and then, just like that, it all comes crumbling down again.

I spent this morning in a 2 hour battle with my two-year-old. Yes, two hours. It was by far the longest power struggle I have ever been in with her. It made me realize why we have so many rebellious children in this world. It would have been so much easier to just give up and throw up the white flag in surrender.

But, I stood my ground, but even in doing so I feel like I still “lost” the battle because I am not proud of the way I lost my cool with her.

Yes, I lost my cool with my daughter this morning.

And I am not proud of that.

But she would not clean up after playtime in her room this morning.

This has been an ongoing problem for weeks now. Months, perhaps?

Little Bug is messy. She makes messes everywhere she goes. She doesn’t really “play” with toys, she just spreads them everywhere and then, when it is time to clean up, I end up cleaning up about 90% of the mess and she does 10% (if that). So basically, she has learned that she can make messes and Mommy will come behind her and clean them up.

I have become a “broken record” at clean up time because I say “Little Bug, help clean up your toys.” but she knows that I will just end up doing it myself and she is “off the hook”.

Today, I’d had it. I was in her room cleaning up her toys this morning while she continued to not help.

Nothing was motivating her to clean up her toys and eventually I found myself in a battle with my 2-year-old that ended in tears for both of us.

Why is life so messy? Not toys-messy but sin-messy?

I know all this is a direct result of my own personal sin of not desiring God this morning. I let other stuff get in the way and as a result I didn’t handle today’s battle of the will’s in the way God would desire me to.

I failed. Big time.

I know the right way to live my life and yet I still make bad choices!!

It is called the battle of the flesh.

My heart is God’s but yet my heart still resides in my flesh which is downright dirty and sinful.

To live for Christ is a daily battle. And sometimes it is not daily…it is hourly, minutely (is that a word?).

I hate that I don’t always choose Christ. I hate that I often times allow my flesh to win. More often than most would probably think because I have the reputation of being the “good girl who does no wrong”.

While my sins are not obvious to the world, I still sin daily. I still battle doing the right things…daily. And, often times, I fail.

Like today.

I KNOW if I had chosen to submit myself to GOD today, I would have been able to handle this situation with my daughter in a whole different light. But because I chose NOT to submit myself to God today, I instead (whether I knowingly do this or not) submitted myself to Satan.

And today I was governed not by God’s love, peace, mercy and joy, but instead by anger and frustration.

I hate failing like this. I’ve tried every possible scenario I know to avoid being overcome by the flesh, instead of letting the Holy Spirit govern my thoughts and actions.

I have come to the realization that it is a battle I myself am never going to win.

It is a battle that has already been won for me on Calvary, by Jesus Christ, when He hung on that cross and died as payment for every single sin I would ever commit here on this earth.

That is where the victory is.

As long as I am alive here on this green earth, I am going to have moments where my flesh wins.

All I can do is ask for forgiveness – from my Lord and my daughter.

Even after disciplining Little Bug in anger this morning, all she wanted to do was crawl up in my lap and let me hug and hold her. I told her I was sorry for being frustrated at her and that I loved her very much.

In her precious, tiny little voice, as she slurped back tears, she said, “I love you too Mommy.”

And all was well in our little world again.

Except the fact that I have a much harder time forgiving myself than my 2 year old does, apparently. And, obviously, I still have a lot of work to do with Little Bug as far as first-time obedience goes.

Life is hard, people. We all face challenges. We all have sin in our lives.

We all need Jesus.

We all need to stop playing The Perfect Game.

God is always teaching us something!

Right now, my lessons are centered around contentment.

I hit the ground running every morning. I feed Sweet Pea at 8am, make every attempt to wake her up after the feed, change her diaper, lay her in our bed and go get Little Bug up at 8:30am. We go to Sweet Pea’s room and change her diaper then she drinks her milk in our bed and then it is straight to the kitchen for breakfast. By this time, Sweet Pea is ready to nap and is usually having tummy pains. She goes in the sling so that I can continue on with breakfast for Little Bug.

Then it is clean up time. How in the world we make such a mess in less than half an hour I do not know. But there are breakfast dishes and multiple bottles to wash.

Dr. Brown’s bottles with a million and one parts. That take forever to wash. (More on what we are trying now with Sweet Pea later.)

After breakfast, Little Bug goes to her room for Independent Play (lifesaver!) and I clean up the kitchen, wash the million and one bottle parts and then go to my bedroom to lay Sweet Pea down to finish her nap.

I then clean up my bedroom from the middle of night feed(s), get dressed and have some quiet time with God before it is time to get Little Bug from playtime and give Sweet Pea her 11am feed.

As I was getting dressed today, I was thinking how my life is consumed with menial tasks…washing bottles, changing diapers, picking up toys, getting the baby to sleep, laundry, fixing meals.

It kinda seems pointless and like there needs to be more to life than all this.

As menial as these tasks are, there is nothing more on earth I would rather do right now.

I want to take care of my little girls all day long.

I know these days are fleeting. A vapor. They will be here today and gone tomorrow.

While I do feel like my life is a circus and sometimes I still wonder what God was thinking giving me children 26 months apart, I know that contentment in life is the way to go.

What I don’t like about life right now will change before I know it.

And what I do like about life right now will change before I know it.

Change is the only given in this life.

Circumstances, people, relationships, jobs, children…everything. It all changes at some point.

All I have right now is the life I have right now with my husband, 2 year old daughter and 6 week old daughter.

Things are a bit crazy. But in a very good way.

But, I might as well choose to enjoy and embrace the craziness because before I know it, this phase of my life will be gone.

And I will look back on these days and long for the days of two in diapers, bottles to wash and a washing machine that is constantly running…my circus life.

One day, before I know it, my daughters will be off on their own.

But today, right now, they need me. They need me to change their diapers, make their food and wash their clothes and burp rags!

This is my life. For now.

And it is one of my greatest privileges on earth.

Better to find the silver lining in situations than to sulk because things aren’t turning out the way you thought they would.

I imagined my family of four all back under one roof tonight but instead, Sweet Pea and I are still at the hospital, Little Bug is at Grandma & Grandpa’s and Dave is home in our nice, comfy queen-sized bed.

I could sulk about all this but instead I’m finding the silver lining.

I’ve basically had two days straight of being able to focus just on my little Sweet Pea. When she is gassy I am able to just sit and hold her until the pain passes (literally) and she is comfortable again. There are no chores to do and no 2 year old to run after.

I’ve shared that I’m a little worried about how it’s going to be when I do have to care for both girls at the same time by myself. These days have allowed me to really get to know Sweet Pea even better, with no distractions. I easily recognize when a “gas spell” is coming and I’ve learned that she likes to be upright on my chest. I can literally feel her body relax when the pain is gone and then I lay her down to sleep.

I’m thinking maybe I need to find a good sling that will allow me to “hold” Sweet Pea in this upright position while my hands are free to take care of Little Bug. Any suggestions???

I’ve had a lot of time on my hands. Which has allowed for a lot of thinking, praying and just being still before the Lord.

Today public schools started back to school. I was thinking this morning had I stayed in the teaching profession, I would be starting my 9th year of teaching this year! Wow. I’m old.

That got me thinking how I would start every single school year out by praying. First day teachers came back I would walk into my classroom and before I did anything, I would sit in the middle of the classroom and pray and surrender the school year to God.

Being a teacher in the public school system is not easy by any stretch of the imagination. I dealt with difficult students who were not taught to respect authority but had to learn that respect was a non-negotiable in Miss A’s classroom and the pressures from the district about student test scores was utterly ridiculous.

But every year I started that school year off by giving it all to God, trusting that He would give me everything I needed for that school year.

He supplied me with strength, wisdom, patience and love for my students every single year.

Today it dawned on me that just as I started each school year in prayer and surrender to God, I need to start each new year of parenting in prayer and surrender to God.

God has given me my two little girls and I am incredibly blessed to be able to stay home with them full time.

The same God that equip me those four years with everything I needed to be able to be a teacher is ready now to equip me with every thing I need to be a mother to Little Bug and Sweet Pea.

Life is just going to be a little crazy while my girls are still so young. My first year teaching was a bit crazy, too. But we will eventually fall into a routine and my new “normal” will become juggling the schedules and needs of both girls.

I know you are suppose to enjoy the present and, believe me, I am. I know how fast babies grow up! However, I really do look forward to the future.

I look forward to what is to come…two little girls, sisters through the miracle of adoption, becoming best friends.

That is one of my hopes for my daughters.

And so as I sit here another night in the hospital with Sweet Pea, I am thankful for this time to reflect, refocus and remember God’s faithfulness once again in my life.

I never wanted to marry someone younger than me and I never wanted to have my children less than 3 years apart.

I am married to someone who is 3.5 years younger than me.

My children are 26 months apart.

There is a saying out there that goes something like this: God never gives you more than you can handle.

I don’t agree with that because I think He DOES give us more than we can handle so that we will turn to HIM for strength.

I nearly have a panic attack every time I think about the first day it will be just the girls and me at home.

I’m spoiled. My mother has been here with us helping out since the day we came home from the hospital. Maybe I am spoiled, but I like to think that I am incredibly blessed.

First of all, that I want my mother in my house for a week straight. I know, for some, that would just create more stress. Not for me. My Mama is one of my best friends.

And second of all, that my husband wants his mother-in-law in our house for a week straight. He loves her like he loves his own Mom.

Blessed. Extremely blessed.

But, there is going to come a day (very soon) when Mama is going to have to pack up and move the ever long distance of about 10ish miles back to her house.

And it will be me and Little Bug and Sweet Pea. Oh, and Pup.

And…

Yeah, I am not quite sure what to expect!

Complete chaos? Moments of craziness mixed in with moments of peace?

I’m thinking things might be on the crazy side for a while until we all get into a grove together.

Since December of 2011, when we thought Tracy was going to have a baby in July, I would tell myself, “If God thinks two kids 2 years old and younger is too much for me, He won’t let it happen.”

Well, when things fell through in January with Tracy, I figured God had decided kids two years apart was too much for me!

And then March 8th came. As we waited to hear if we would be chosen, I again told myself that if God thought it was too much for me, He wouldn’t let it happen.

And then May 12th we were matched with Melody and I would still think, “It won’t go through if God thinks it’s too much.”

And, well, now here I am!

Two kids, 2 years and under IS too much for ME.

But, you know what?

I am not on this journey of parenting my precious daughters alone!

As God has been with me through every phase of my life, He will walk with me every step of the way as I raise these girls to love Him and to desire to serve Him with everything they are.

Parenting is not for the weary.

It takes a strength I do not posses on my own.

It takes a strength that can only come from the Lord.

The picture above is a page in my Bible where this verse is found: Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed. Proverbs 16:3

Written beside the verse is every phase of my life since graduating high school.

There is college with the date 8/29/00, teaching with the date 2/17/04, Dave with the date 7/6/06, conceiving with the date 2/5/08, IVF with the date 3/5/09 and parenting with the date 7/16/09.

Tonight I wrote down another phase of life with today’s date:

Parenting 2 with the date 8/18/11

No, I will not even attempt to do this on my own. I commit to the LORD all my hopes, plans and dreams for my precious girls.

It is only through Him that I will succeed.

That, and the fact that my mom is a hop, skip and a jump away!

Mother’s Day 2011.

No elaborate gifts, no time off from motherly duties.

Just another ordinary day with my Little Bug.

We went to church and then had all the family over to our house for lunch.

As usual…Dave cooked and I cleaned up. We’ve done this several years in a row now. We love to honor our mothers, grandmothers, aunts and all the special women in our family in this way!

If you are a regular to this blog, I am sure this is no shocker…

After church I told Little Bug we were having a special Mother’s Day Party today at our house. That was all Little Bug needed to hear before she turned on her “wild woman" act and started literally running around the house like a crazy girl in pure excitement. I have come to believe that Little Bug loves nothing more in life than to be surrounded by a big group of people, especially when it is a big group of her family members!

Little Bug delivered all the Mother’s Day presents to everyone but because she was in “wild woman” mode I couldn’t get any good pictures of her in the act. See for yourself:

Giving her Aunt Amanda a hug. This girl loves her Aunt Amanda. Amanda lives just down the street and when Little Bug and I are on walks around the block and walk by Aunt Amanda’s house Little Bug usually requests a visit to “go see Aunt Amanda”. We are usually walking when Aunt Amanda is at work so I have to tell Little Bug Aunt Amanda isn’t there. Sometimes we still have to go and knock anyways and wait for Aunt Amanda to not come to the door.

Aunt Wendi had to wrestle her down just to get this picture:

Grandma’s attempt at a picture:

I think we gave up on pictures after that.

Oh, look here! A pretty decent one of Little Bug with her cousin, Hadyn.

At 3:30 I declared it naptime. 3:30 is usually when Little Bug is waking up from a nap! I corralled her to her bedroom, sang songs to attempt to calm her down and laid her in bed. Didn’t hear a peep from her. Party Animal must have been tired. I let her sleep 1.5 hours, which was apparently a mistake, because now it is almost 10pm and I can still hear her talking in bed!

After the party, I had a nice evening with just my baby girl. Dave needed to work, so Little Bug and I headed to the park.

We saw the “ducks”. They are actually geese, but Little Bug likes to call them “ducks”.

Little Bug on the swing!

I love this girl more than words can say. An evening, just Mommy and Little Bug at the park, was a perfect end to this Mother’s Day.

It’s nice we have a day to celebrate mothers, but I think my heart celebrates the fact I am a mother every single day.

It is something I never take for granted and something I celebrate every day when I first get my girl up and bring her to bed to drink her milk in the morning, when we read Bible stories together at the breakfast table, when we read a million books throughout the day.

It is something I celebrate when she eats and gets food everywhere, when she runs to me and gives me an unprompted kiss and hug, when she tries to sing “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star”.

The road to motherhood certainly changed me into who I am today and now, motherhood continues to mold me and change me.

There is nothing quite like being a mother.

I can never forget what it once felt like to not be a mother and to desire to be a mother so bad it hurt… to those of you that are there this Mother’s Day, don’t ever lose hope. If your trust is in the Lord, He’s got a plan.

And if it is anything like what He did for me, His Plan is going to be better than ANYTHING you can dream of today.

I’ve read several blogs that have addressed this issue recently and I thought I’d write my own thoughts concerning this matter.

Adoptive moms carry alot of guilt when complaining about something related to motherhood. (Not ALL adoptive moms, but I’ve learned this is very common among many adoptive mothers.)

It is true for me.

Because I spent a lifetime yearning to be a mother and then had to endure infertility, I feel I can’t complain about the hardships of motherhood for fear that someone will find me “ungrateful” for the miracle God blessed me with.

After all, I chose to adopt. I didn’t just find myself pregnant one day and then say, “Oh, well, I’m going to be a mom.”

No, it took years of pain and heartache and deciding to adopt to become a mother.

I distinctly remember the lawyer’s words on that April 9th, 2009, day:

You can have a baby girl in June if you want.

We could have said “No” but we said “Yes” and 48 days later I became a mother.

There was most certainly a “honeymoon” period. The day Tracy signed the papers and Little Bug was officially ours and then the week after Little Bug’s birth that she spent in the NICU were certainly perfect days. (Besides the fact that we were dealing with withdrawals.) I felt on top of the world. I felt I had just come out of a very dark time of my life and couldn’t stop praising God for the miracle He had performed in giving us a daughter through the miracle of adoption.

Then, we came home from the hospital and real life began. Reality set in and unfortunately, my expectations and reality were light years apart.

Over the past year, that huge gap between expectations and reality has closed considerably, but it is something I still struggle with to this very day!

So, we got Little Bug home and the “honeymoon” continued while family and friends poured in coming to meet our little miracle.

Then reality hit and it hit hard.

People tell you before you have a baby that life will change and so I was aware that my life would change. I just had no clue that every single aspect of my life was going to change.

I had no clue that brushing my teeth and getting dressed in the morning in peace was a thing of the past.

I had no clue my quality of sleep would decline drastically and a year later I would still long for those baby-free nights of sleep.

Yes, I said that. You read correctly. Even the girl who longed for a baby all her life and went through infertility for 2 years has longed to go back to those peaceful nights of sleep when you are not constantly worried about the baby sleeping through the night.

Some might judge an adoptive mom for saying that. After all, she wanted that baby right? She wanted that baby more than her next breath.

A woman who conceived naturally, whether trying or not, wouldn’t be looked down upon if she said in frustration one night, “What I wouldn’t give for just one night of peaceful sleep without worrying about the baby!”

Adoptive moms think like that too. We just are hesitant to say it because we are fearful of being judged for not being found grateful for the child we prayed for and waited for and chose.

But the reality is biological mother and adoptive mothers are the same. We are both mothers. And mothers have a very hard job!! And if any mother is honest with herself, we’ve all been at the point of complete frustration … no matter how we became mothers!

I have such a hard time letting things go. I want to be a perfect mother but instead I’ve been bombarded with numerous emotions I never saw coming.

I believe these emotions would have come whether we had adopted or had a biological child because the transition into motherhood has been the most challenging thing in my life thus far. Yes, even more so than the challenge of infertility.

Infertility was a season of my life. Motherhood defines who I am.

All I’ve ever wanted to be is a wife and mother and here I am and life isn’t perfect!

Imagine that!

Interesting how motherhood has shown me areas in my life that need improvement.

Mothering takes sacrifice. And sacrifice hurts.

But sacrifice is necessary and when it comes down to it, mothers will do anything for their babies.

One of the hardest adjustments I’ve had to make as a mother is in the sleep department. I’ve always required a lot of sleep. When I was in Kindergarten I would come home from school and lay down on the couch and take a nap! Not to many 5 year olds take a nap every single day.

I’m a night owl. I love staying up late and sleeping late the next morning. Try telling that to a 1 year old.

“Ok, Little Bug, let’s stay up till midnight and sleep till 10am tomorrow morning!”

YEAH RIGHT!

Mix my need for a lot of sleep to function properly and my night-owledness and that’s a recipe for sacrifice when you become a mother.

I don’t like going to bed early and I don’t like getting up at 7 or 7:30am. I had recently gotten Little Bug to sleeping until 8am or 8:30 (heavenly!!) but she’s been getting up at 7am lately and it frustrates me to no end!!

Sacrifice with a lot of hope that one day Little Bug will like sleeping later like her Mama!!

Bringing home that little 5 pound baby girl I had all these expectations of what I was going to teach her.

I had absolutely no idea just how much this little girl was going to teach me.

I know her lessons will continue for years to come.

I loved the Mother’s Day sermon my pastor gave on Sunday.

Mothering is one of the hardest, and most rewarding, jobs out there. It takes courage and cleverness.

Mothers (and fathers) have an incredibly large responsibility in molding and shaping the character of their children.

I think about this often.

I know the woman Little Bug one day grows up to be will largely be in part to the way Dave and I raise her. It is a task that we must do together as a team, with God as our guide.

More than anything, I desire Little Bug to grow up to be a respectful, God-fearing woman who desires her life to be used by God for His glory.

I know one day my sweet little innocent baby girl will exert her independence by one day saying to me, “I don’t have to do what you say, Mommy!”

And that will be the day Little Bug begins to learn her place in this world, that there are boundaries and that she will respect and obey her parents and others in authority.

No if ands or buts about it.

Pastor Paul says mothering takes courage because it is hard to discipline a child you love more than anything.

But it is something that must be done if you want to raise a respectable, obedient child with a sweet spirit.

He said you can’t be concerned with “being your child’s friend”. Other children are your child’s friends. You are the PARENT and it is your responsibility to discipline your children when they are young.

There will come a time when you as the parent can become your child’s friend. That is where my relationship with my mother is at this time. As a child, Mama was not my friend. She was my mother. She taught me to be obedient and to be respectful of others. Now, she is one of my best friends.

I loved this message because it hit home with me.

I know the days of disciplining Little Bug are just around the corner. I look at her now and I know one day it will break my heart to discipline her. I want to shield her from all hurt. I want her to always be happy.

But when that time comes I know I will have to rise above my emotions and look at the big picture and know that disciplining/training my daughter is what Little Bug needs.

And really, disciplining a toddler/preschooler has got to be a whole lot easier than one day waking up and realizing I’ve made a huge mistake and I’ve now got this rebellious rotten-attitude child/teenager on my hands that I have somehow got to gain control over.

This is not a task I can do apart from God. It is going to take a lot of prayer, a lot of teamwork from my husband and me, a lot of council from our parents and much determination and patience.

I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. (Phil. 4:13)