Our Next Step After Surgery

We headed into our final cycle of IUI in October 2008 knowing that if this cycle didn’t work we wanted to stop treatment until the New Year. We do not want to be going through treatments during the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays.

We still feel this way after successful laporoscopy surgery to remove Stage 2 endometriosis. I talked to Dr. L briefly after my surgery but was still in a groggy state. So I am very anxious to talk to him at my post-op appointment on November 17th. The message is clear, though, that Dr. L successfully removed all the endometriosis and now my chances of pregnancy are very good. Even in my groggy state, I understood that much.

The past week I’ve spent recovering from surgery, I’ve had a lot of time to sit and contemplate and pray about what God is telling us our next step is.

We both feel at peace about taking a break on IUI treatments for November and December and doing our next treatment in January 2009 – if that is even necessary.

As I reflect back on the past year, there is no doubt in my mind that, if God Wills, He can and will allow conception to happen naturally before the New Year. I can, and already have started praying that this will be the beautiful masterpiece I have long awaited to see. I invite you to pray with me.

But three tiny words say it all. If God Wills

And I can honestly say with more understanding than I have ever had in my entire life, because of the journey of this past year, that I desire more than anything, God’s Will.

Because in the past year, the greatest lesson God has taught me through this battle with infertility, is that God’s Plan is perfect, beautiful and always best.

On the mend!

Taking that pain pill last night, right before going to bed, was the best thing I could have done!

Around 11pm I took the pill. By 11:30pm I was in the bed. Dave and I always pray together before going to sleep. Dave prayed and then it was my turn. I was already half-asleep and remember saying, "I’ll just pray in my mind." That’s the last thing I remember before waking up, expecting it to be the middle of the night. It was 8am! My head hit the pillow and I was out again until I finally woke up around 11:30am!

I can finally tell I am on the mend and it is a GREAT feeling. I’m able to move around better and can finally get myself in and out of this chair with no help.

I’m hoping by tomorrow or atleast Monday I’ll pretty much feel completely back to normal!

Thank you so much to everyone for your prayers and support through this. I appreciate the visits, phone calls, emails and comments so much.

God is speaking about what’s next for us but I haven’t been able to completely process everything enough to be able to put it into words. As soon as I am able, I will post what we feel God is desiring for us next so you too can pray in that direction. 

For now, just keep praying my body continues to heal and praise the Lord with me that all the endometriosis is GONE!

Very Sore

Wow. I never expected to be this sore! I am ready to be back to my normal self but my body just isn’t quite there. And that is frustrating.

I’m taking a pain pill tonight before going to bed, even though when I had my wisdom teeth out almost 10 years ago, the pain pill did worse things to my body than the pain. I am hoping this pain medication will help me sleep better tonight and relax my tense muscles.

Like Aunt Naomi told me, even though the four little wounds don’t look so bad, I’ve been cut on all inside and I will just be sore for a while.

Dave and I watch the movie "The Ultimate Gift" tonight. It was very good.

Now it is time to try to sleep. Goodnight.

Please continue to pray recovery is fast!

At Home

All the nurses and doctors were so good to me, this being my first ever surgery experience. It’s all a blur. They put the gas mask on and I entered another world and don’t remember a thing until I woke up and couldn’t understand where Dave, Mama and Angele had gone. It was then the nurse informed me, “You’re done! It’s all over!” I remember thinking, “I’m alive! I survived! Praise the Lord!”

It wasn’t too long and Dr. L was standing there beside the bed. He told me I did have Stage 2 endometriosis. He cleaned it all up and he said the prognosis for a future pregnancy is very good. Because Dr. L cut the endometriosis out, instead of burning it, he said the chances of endometriosis returning is slim.

I also had 2 small cysts removed from a fallopian tube. He said both tubes are “nice and normal”. The inside of the uterus is absolutely fine.

Once again, GOD HAS PROOVED HIMSELF FAITHFUL! Put your faith and trust IN THE LORD and He WILL carry you through ANYTHING! That is the lesson God has taught me through surgery.

I feel fine except that I am extremely sore. I had no reactions to the anesthesia.

Tonight, I thank God for putting Dr. L in my life. I think it is incredibly awesome that he could go into my body through 4 tiny little incisions, look around with a camera and take pictures (I can’t wait to see them! He said he’d show me!), diagnose endometriosis and then cut it out. All in 2.5 hours and all for the glory to be given right back to God.

Thank you so much for praying! Once again, your prayers have made all the difference in the world. I was nervous and probably shaking like a leaf, but in my heart, there was peace – God’s peace. And I attribute it to all the prayers. Pastor Paul and Judy Crosby came up the hospital to pray with me before surgery. It is such a comfort to know people were praying right there in my presence all the way to people praying in another country (Cristina and Marcio – my cousin and her husband)! I am also so grateful Mama had Angele and Elaine Matz to sit with while I was in surgery.

God is good – all the time. God certainly hears the prayers of his people.

Now please pray for a speedy recovery and a clear direction for our next step. (More on that when I am not so sore.)

Tomorrow

I think I’ve been walking around in disbelief that what happened even happened. Sure I’ve been sad but I can’t allow myself to wallow in self-pity. However, I can’t help but continue to ask, “What was the purpose behind all that?”

Maybe, one day, God will clue me in.

Life does go on and I’ve even been able to find some humor in it and laugh about the whole ordeal.

Tomorrow’s a big day.

I meet with Dr. L at 9:00am to discuss this past crazy cycle and to talk about what’s next.

What’s next is scary for various reasons. But it is God who has brought us to this place. He could have chosen to allow the scenario of the past few days to end with finding out I was indeed pregnant after all. But, He did not. And so we move on from there with Him as our guide for whatever is next.

Be strong and courageous for the Lord your God will go with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9

Please pray:

1. Wisdom for Dr. L has he explains this last cycle and decides the best next step for us.

2. Discernment and peace from God for Dave and me to know where to go next.

Spiritual Warfare

Do you believe in spiritual warfare?

I have experienced it in the past day and a half.

I feel like I am in the middle of running a marathon in the desert. I am weary beyond belief and just want to cross the finish line. I feel I can’t run a mile longer. I just want it to be over.

It’s a good thing God can move mountains with faith as small as a mustard seed because I’m pushing it right now to even have faith as small as a mustard seed.

All I can do is cry in anticipation of tomorrow.

Back to the issue of spiritual warfare …

I’ve said from the beginning of this marathon I want God to receive the glory through my circumstances. And I do.

Scroll down a few posts and look over all the names representing PRAYER tomorrow. Wherever God is at work, Satan is there working double-time. Satan knows no matter what happens tomorrow, God will receive glory. So he is working time and a half to destroy the mustard seed of faith I have.

Fear is one of his greatest weapons and he has used that against me.

As I’ve been a ball of tears the past two nights Dave has asked me, "Are you just afraid of what will happen Wednesday." I then mutter, "Yes."

FEAR.

Fear paralyzes. Fear cripples. Fear weakens. Fear destroys faith.

Satan plants fear in our hearts to destroy faith. He also tries everything in his power to change our focus and our perspective.

Instead of going to the Word of God for strength, so I can keep running to the finish line, I allowed myself to lose focus.

I went to the internet to read other infertility blogs, looking for hope. Big mistake.

I found a blog I had never read before. Sure enough, when the person found out she was pregnant she had experienced implantation spotting. Reading this only served to send me further into the depths of despair because I’ve experienced none of the early pregnancy symptoms most everyone I read about does experience once pregnant.

The point is that when you’re running a marathon in the desert the only thing your body screams for is water. The Word of God is like water to the person running a marathon in the desert.

Where should I have gone? The Word of God.

It is only there that I will find true hope and strength to keep running.

Fix these words of mind in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Deuteronomy 11:18

I woke up this morning thinking about all this. It dawned on me that Satan is attacking me. I simply cannot allow it.

Today my focus will be my faith, even though it is as small as a mustard seed. But God’s Word clearly says that is all it needs to be.

I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, "Move from here to there and it will move." Nothing will be impossible for you. Matthew 17:20

[Do you realize just how small a mustard seed really is? A mustard seed is one-sixteenth of an inch in diameter!]

Satan may be able to rock my boat – but He cannot, in the name of Jesus Christ, capsize it.

AMEN!

Let me add one more prayer request for tomorrow …

3. Pray against the attacks of Satan. Satan must flee when just the name of JESUS is said.

Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. James 4:7

A New Beginning & Prayer Requests # 13

On the very day I found out for sure I wasn’t pregnant, I met with Dr. L to discuss the next cycle. I do not feel God is asking me to wait a month before starting the next cycle this time. Instead, I hear Him saying, “Move forward now!”

So here we are 3 days into Cycle 4.

This was my prayer this morning:

God, I give this cycle to you. You know everything that needs to come together. You know how many sperm and You know how many eggs. And this time I am going to come before you daily and pray my heart’s desire… that You would choose to let it happen this cycle. Because of everything You have taught me since August 4th, I can rest assured, knowing if You do not choose to let it happen, it is ok. You just have something better planned. Since August of 2007, this journey has been nothing but amazing. I stand waiting with great expectation of what You will do next. To God be the glory. Amen!

Prayer Requests #13

  1. Pray that I will continue to surrender my Will for God’s Will because His is a whole lot better than mine!
  2. Pray for Cycle 4, especially in the next week or so as follicles are growing and developing.
  3. Pray the Femara and Menopur will do their job and get four healthy follicles ready to ovulate. **God says one or two is enough.
  4. Pray for it to happen this cycle!

Prayer Requests #12

23 million sperm made it today. That is lower than first expected (not as many survived the unfreeze) BUT 23 million is still an excellent number. And there is still tomorrow!

My Aunt Naomi left a comment saying I am being bathed in prayer and I can feel it. Thank you so much for all the prayers prayed for us today. Keep praying – if Baby is to be conceived this month, tomorrow is the day!

Here are some specific prayer requests for, especially, tomorrow:

1. Ovulation should be occurring soon. Pray the hCG shot will do it’s job and mature the follicles to ovulation. Pray the follicles will be healthy and that one, or both, will be fertilized.

2. Pray for lots more healthy mobile sperm tomorrow and that more will survive the unfreeze. **We had good sperm counts for both inseminations!

3. Pray conception will occur – once, or twice! 🙂