Another March 8th

As March rolls around every year, it takes me back to March 8th, 2009. I don’t think there will ever be a March where I don’t reflect on the day that totally changed the course of my life – forever.

I like to go back in the blog and read posts from that time. They certainly aren’t pleasant posts to read, but they tell a story of God’s faithfulness, that is for sure. Here’s something I wrote the day after on March 10th, 2009:

What can you do but pick up the pieces after a day like yesterday?

It’s no joke that the road of infertility is full of ups and downs. While yesterday was probably the lowest of the lows for us in our journey so far, I still found myself watching the clock and waiting for the day to end so a new one could begin.

I know a new day signifies a fresh outlook and while we never assumed the outcome of our first attempt at IVF would be this bad, we can only move forward from here and deal with the new set of circumstances that have been given to us.

I decided long ago that I am going to choose to set my mind on God and not my circumstances that seem to grow dimmer and dimmer with each passing treatment.

However, this blow knocked me down hard. Yesterday put me that much closer to the reality of having to accept that I may actually never be pregnant and give birth to a baby.

But yesterday also made me realize once again that I am not in control here and neither is my doctor. God is in control and yesterday did not take Him by surprise at all.

Now, more than ever, I must trust that God has a perfect plan that somehow involves the bleak circumstances of yesterday. If I don’t believe that simple truth, I literally have nothing.

As for now, we are converting this IVF cycle to an IUI. I will go in tomorrow at 8am for another ultrasound to monitor what this solo follicle hanging out in my left ovary is doing. I’m predicting (based on how the three IUIs before surgery went) that we will be ready for insemination towards the end of this week. Assuming, of course, that this one follicle doesn’t decide to take a leave of absence as well.

Honestly, I’m not allowing myself to think too much about this IUI and the possibilities that lie within. I justcan’t allow my mind to think that this could be it.

As far as our next step beyond an IUI goes … we are once again at a crossroad of decision-making and need your prayers as we make (another) big decision.

When not-so-great odds, a huge sum of money and a deep desire to be a mother are all thrown into making one decision, it makes for a very complex decision to be made.

I know without a shadow of doubt that the prayers of many faithful prayer warriors is what pulled me through yesterday. Thank you, from the bottom of my broken heart, for all the prayers, comments, emails, Facebook messages and phone calls.

I could never convey to you in words how much it means to me to know that I have an army of prayer warriors lifting me up to the Father on a consistent basis – especially on a day like yesterday when I literally just didn’t know what to pray.

We will probably never fully understand this side of heaven the complete impact your prayers have made.

But I am completely confident that one day we will all be able to look back on this entire journey and see a beautiful outcome that is far better and far greater than anything we can even imagine today.

I, for one, am looking forward to that glorious day!

It’s four years later and I am no where near that place I was four years ago on March 8th. These words I wrote then give God glory, today: Now, more than ever, I must trust that God has a perfect plan that somehow involves the bleak circumstances of yesterday. If I don’t believe that simple truth, I literally have nothing.

Oh, how true those words were and still are now! God did have a perfect plan that did involve the bleak circumstances of March 8, 2009. He was setting the stage to do His miracle. First the miracle of Little Bug and then, two years later, the miracle of Sweet Pea – all of which He had to orchestrate outside my womb.

But He also did another miracle.

I never in a million years thought I’d ever be at peace with never experiencing pregnancy and childbirth, but I am. I am totally at peace.

There was a time when even the thought of never experiencing it would send me into torrents of tears. I always held on to hope that one day it would still happen. Even after Little Bug’s birth, I still wished I could experience pregnancy.

I really cannot pinpoint the time when God changed my heart on this matter. It didn’t happen overnight; it happened gradually. When we started thinking about #2, we talked about trying for a pregnancy again, but we soon realized God had turned our hearts fully on adoption and I realized I didn’t need to experience pregnancy for my life to be complete. Carrying a baby in my womb and giving birth does not make me who I am.

God makes me who I am. I find my worth in Him because without Him, I am nothing and apart from Him, I can do nothing.

God wrote a different story for me. Yes, God created woman in the Garden of Eden and told her to “be fruitful and multiply”. My womb will never be fruitful, but my arms are lacking nothing.

I am thankful to be in this place, today, 48 months later.

reflections

I spent some time today going back in my blog and reading posts from February of last year – the month after everything happened with Tracy and the month before things started happening with Sweet Pea.

It was so interesting to me to read what I wrote in February because most of my posts centered around acknowledging that God is in control of our second adoption journey and the realization that I just needed to sit back and wait in great expectation for God to do another miracle.

I had no idea of knowing what God was going to start doing on March 8th when my friend Jennifer text me about an adoption situation, wondering if we would be interested.

During the months of waiting to see if we would be matched with this birth mother, the lessons God desired to teach me were all about the fact that GOD was in control of everything and nothing I did or didn’t do would change the outcome.

God had it all under control, even though at the time, there was a lot of waiting involved and a lot of uncertainty on my end.

It just amazes me how God prepares our hearts for what is to come. He planted these seeds in my heart in February knowing in March and until I had Sweet Pea in my arms in August, I would need to hang on knowing that God was in control.

If you have some time, go back and read my posts from February of last year. The words I wrote astound me because I had no idea what God was about to do.

When we find ourselves in a situation where we can’t see the big picture and we don’t have access to all the details, we must remember that God sees it all. He has planned it all. And not only that, He has something good in store, even if it looks like you’ve been deserted in left field.

He is there. Right beside you. And when the right time comes, He will start to reveal the big picture and you too will one day be able to look back on these days of only having just a fraction of the puzzle pieces and you will be able to see the big picture and know that God was in control of every single detail even when it seemed like everything was so uncertain.

It is strange to me that six months have already passed since Sweet Pea’s birth. On the day she turned 6 months old, around noon on that day, I remembered what happened at that exact moment. I believe it was actually a minute until noon and Emily called to tell me Sweet Pea had been born at 7:55am that morning.

The journey that had begun on March 8th – and, really, I guess you could say our official second adoption journey began on December 13, 2010, with Emily’s phone call that Tracy was pregnant – came to a close on August 4th when we jumped in the car and drove the 1.5 hours to go meet our second daughter after the TPR had been signed.

I guess reaching this point – 6 months after our second adoption in 2 years – makes me want to sit back and reflect upon the faithfulness of God through both of our adoptions.

It also takes me way back to September of 2008, the month I saw my first of countless negative pregnancy tests.

Those were my days of having only a fraction of the puzzle pieces. I couldn’t see the big picture which means there were many very hard days as I saw my dream slip away and I was powerless to do anything to change the circumstances I found myself in.

It sounds so cliché, I know, but God was in control. He had a beautiful journey laid out before me.

I am just standing in awe of all this today – and every day.

And thanking God, once again, that His plans were not mine.

A flood of memories

Today marks one year since everything started to unravel concerning Tracy’s “pregnancy” last year.

I will never forget the emotions wrapped up in that week as my lawyer and I worked to try and expose Tracy’s deception.

My mind was constantly consumed with these matters for an entire week, but the peace of God was constantly wrapped around my heart as well, giving me the strength I needed to be able to get to the bottom of this, once and for all.

I went back in my blog and read some of my posts from those days last January. On January 31st, I wrote that things were over and then I said, You know what this means, right? God’s just got something more!

And He most certainly did!

DSCN4050

Sweet Pea was God’s Something More.

I recently was looking back at pictures when Sweet Pea was in the NICU and it brought back a flood of memories.

When we first laid eyes on her.

DSCN0271

There was nothing like being able to see my baby for the first time and know that she was already completely mine, however, at the same time, seeing a sick baby laying there unswaddled with horrible bright lights shining down on her certainly wasn’t how I imagined seeing her for the first time!

DSCN0274

I couldn’t even see her face and I wanted to see that tiny little face so bad! I picked up her “sunglasses” and moved them so I could see her face and then I heard our lawyer say, “You better put those back on her eyes or the lights could make her go blind.” Oops!!!

DSCN0276

The picture above is another one of my favorites, despite the fact that my baby looks so pathetic. Notice her feet and my hand. It tells a story. A story of how a mother, meeting her baby for the very first time – a baby that did not grow in her womb – will automatically just do whatever it takes to bring comfort to her child.

When I saw Sweet Pea laying there I wanted to scoop her up and hold her close. She lay there unswaddled, twitching. A nurse told me, “She likes for us to hold her feet, it helps her feel more secure.”

She didn’t have to tell me twice. I couldn’t hold her like I wanted to, but I could stand there and hold her feet. So I did.

In that moment I wanted her to know, I am your Mama and I am going to take care of you…always.

DSCN0294

Then, Dr. Marvelous finds out I have never held my baby girl and she bends the rules and tells me I need to hold her!

I also love the picture above. Those are Dr. Marvelous’s hands and arms you see standing over Sweet Pea and me. That is symbolic to me because I prayed for someone to stand in my place and take special care of Sweet Pea until we were able to go to the hospital after TPR was signed and be by Sweet Pea’s side.

Dr. Marvelous was that someone God provided.

DSCN0306

She is so yellow, tiny and fragile-looking in this picture. You can see how tiny she was compared to Dave’s hand.

DSCN0333

She had to be on these lights (for the rH factor) for 4 days.

DSCN0347

She even had to eat under the lights!

DSCN3866

Hard to believe that was this baby, but Sweet Pea was the baby God had planned all along to join our family!

My life is about to change.

My life is about to change.

I will be the mother to two little girls. Just allowing myself to type that is a step of faith because I keep myself so guarded during the adoption process, that I don’t really even allow myself to think about what will be. I live in the present, taking one day at a time.

But on this morning, God woke me up (on my sleep in morning when I should be sleeping until Dave and Little Bug come in here to wake me up!) so I figured He must have something to tell me. So I grabbed my journal and started writing and this is what God laid on my heart:

To think of where I was just three years ago…we were starting infertility treatments, had just done our first IUI and August 4th, 2008 was blood test day.

There was so much HOPE that finally my dream was going to come true.

Finally, I would see those TWO pink lines, and the pain of all the months that had passed with no pregnancy suddenly wouldn’t matter as I looked at that pregnancy test and realized I was finally pregnant.

But August 4th came and we went to the clinic for my blood draw, came back home and began the wait until my cell phone would ring giving us news that our dream had come true.

That day we had planned to work on a project outside. We replaced all the wood mulch with red lava rocks in the front flower bed. I knew I needed a distractor as we waited for the phone to ring.

We had finished the project and we were inside when the phone call finally came.

I answered immediately shaking and holding my breath to hear the words my nurse, Holly, had to tell me.

I’m sorry, you are not pregnant, is NOT what I wanted to hear that day, but those are the words that came out of her mouth.

As soon as I hung up, I started crying. It wasn’t the trickle-of-tears-running-slowly-down-my-face kind of crying. It was uncontrollable, gut-wrenching sobs. Screams of why? and a feeling as though the weight of the whole world was on my shoulders.

One of the lowest points of my journey through infertility, for sure.

But GOD had a plan! Even as I sobbed uncontrollably and screamed at God asking why He couldn’t have just let it work, God had a plan.

In a way only God would orchestrate, He picked up the pieces of my broken heart that day and became my Strength as I pressed on to what was next.

God used August 4th and all the months that were still ahead and full of more disappointments and heartbreak to grow my faith in Him and teach me about His Plan being absolutely perfect and bigger and better than my wildest dreams.

Almost three years to the day of August 4th, 2008, I stand in complete awe and amazement at what God has done in and through my life.

If my life doesn’t proclaim the truth of Jeremiah 29:11, I don’t know what does.

If my life doesn’t proclaim that GOD IS FAITHFUL THROUGH IT ALL, I don’t know what does.

And so in these final days/weeks of our journey to #2, I press on, walking in faith.

Motherhood

I’m going to be honest and tell you that motherhood for me, in those first few weeks, was nothing like I had imagined it!

It was hard and I was tired. Motherhood was a greater adjustment than I thought it was going to be!

Life with a newborn is not a walk in the park!

On top of all the normal newborn stuff like formula geysers, round the clock feedings and figuring out what baby likes and doesn’t like, I had the withdrawal stuff to deal with too.

It was hard to tell people, especially family members, that they couldn’t hold Little Bug. Little Bug needed as little stimulation as possible. Being passed around the room from person to person just wasn’t good for Little Bug at all.

I think the greatest thing I learned during that period of time I affectionately referred to now as “Survival Mode” was to relax and go with the flow.

Quite necessary when you are a mother because you never know what baby will do next, especially a newborn baby!

Another thing I learned was to listen to my motherly instincts when it comes to making decisions. Sure I can read all the books and do my research on the internet, but when it comes down to it, I listen to what my gut tells me to do with Little Bug. And so far, it’s worked and been the right thing for us every single time!

With the awesome support of my husband, my family and, of course, The Miracle Blanket, we made it through the rocky first few months.

And now, I can say with every fiber of my being, being a mother to Little Bug, is everything I imagined it to be!

I didn’t know I could love someone like I love my Little Bug.

It’s hard to remember what life was like without her a part of it.

But I won’t ever forget the road that brought me to her – that is for certain.

In the beginning of my journey, I thought infertility was the enemy.

But now I can see that infertility was simply the tool God used to perform a modern day miracle.

And I wouldn’t change one single thing about my entire journey to this place.

Not one single thing.

God’s Plan is the definition of perfection.

Jun 10 2009 289_enhanced 8x10A picture from Little Bug’s 2-week photo shoot by Angele Leinbach Photography

81 Hours

Perhaps the biggest emotional struggle of adoption is the wait that comes after the birth.

We knew we had about two days to wait.

Thank God, at the time of Little Bug’s birth we didn’t know we’d end up having to wait over three days for Little Bug to officially become our little girl.

Once again, the details of those three days have no place on this blog so I will suffice it to say that they were three of the most agonizing days of my entire life.

I will say that the extended wait came not from Tracy second-guessing her adoption plan, but from other issues that will not be discussed on the blog.

It was only by the grace of God that I slept at all those three nights and that I was able to get up in the morning and somewhat function throughout the day.

Through the continued work of God and two incredibly awesome lawyers, on May 30th, 2009, eighty-one hours after Little Bug’s birth, my cell phone rang!

It was K and she said, “SHE’S YOURS!! Tracy signed the consent and she is all yours!”

100_4750Moments after K’s call

I yelled, “She’s ours!” for the entire house to hear and then after a moment of celebration and a prayer, Dave and I headed to the hospital to be with our baby girl.

Little Bug was NICU buddies with Jean’s little baby boy, Ethan! Jean and I spent a lot of time together talking in the NICU as we waited for our babies to be released. We now share a beautiful friendship and marvel at the fact that God brought our families together through the miracle of adoption.

023 Little Bug and Ethan at 5 months old

Little Bug had to go through withdrawals from being exposed to methadone in the womb. We had been told Little Bug would be in the hospital anywhere from 5 days to 3 months.

God mercifully allowed Little Bug to be released from the hospital after only a 5-day NICU stay!

At seven days old, we brought Little Bug home and my journey of motherhood began.

100_4984

100_5000

to be continued…

She Will Be Here in the Month of May

Even though Little Bug’s due date wasn’t until June 14th, God wanted that poem He gave me back in January, before I knew anything of the miracle He was about to perform, to mean something.

On the night of May 26th, 2009, Dave and I were on our way home from eating dinner at my parents’ house.

The cell phone rang just as we were pulling into our driveway. I frantically answered as it was late and I knew it had to be Tracy calling saying she was in labor.

Sure enough, it was.

Dave and I arrived at the hospital just after midnight.

We spent some time with Tracy in her labor/delivery room and then we spent some time in the waiting room.

Once again, God had a specific purpose for us entering the waiting room that night.

Also waiting in the waiting room was Laura and her two sleeping children.

Through conversation in a dimly lit waiting room we learned Laura was there because her sister-in-law was adopting a baby and the birth mom was in labor!

We had an instant connection with Laura when we told her that we, too, were there because our birth mom was in labor as well!

Jean, Laura’s sister-in-law, came flying into the waiting room to give Laura an update and we were introduced.

Around 7am, I received a phone call from Tracy’s mother saying that the baby was coming and to come to the delivery room immediately.

Dave and I started walking towards the room when all of a sudden I left him in the dust and started running towards the room.

Some nurses in the hallway asked me to stop running, but I don’t think they could have caught me if they tried!

I opened the door and heard a tiny little cry. Little Bug had just made her grand entrance into the world at 7:11am on May 27, 2009.

100_4604

I walked over to Tracy and about that time the doctor was asking who was going to cut the cord.

Tracy pointed to me and said, “She is.”

I cut Little Bug’s cord and then walked over with her to the table where a nurse took her vitals and started cleaning her up.

I asked the nurse if I could touch her. She told me I could. I put my finger in her tiny little hand and she grasped it the entire time the nurses were cleaning her up.

When Little Bug was clean and swaddled, the nurse asked if I wanted to hold her.

100_4616

I told her Tracy needed to hold her first. Tracy wanted to hold her first and then “give her to her Mama”.

The moment I held Little Bug for the first time will be a moment I’ll never forget. I can’t imagine the moment being any more special than it was even if I had given birth to her myself.

100_4621

I fell in love with that baby girl and so did Dave. He had the biggest smile on his face as I handed her to him.

100_4620

It had only been 6 weeks and 6 days since I walked into the adoption agency!

Only two short months ago, we were trying to pick up the pieces from that horrible IVF cycle.

But true to the words of that poem,a baby girl had been born in the month of May!

Standing there in the delivery room, holding that precious bundle of joy, I knew God’s ways were bigger and better than my own and I thanked Him for guiding us every step of the way toward the miracle of Little Bug.

And I asked Him to grant me the strength I needed to get through the next two days as we waited for Tracy to sign her consent.

to be continued…

Surreal Days

On the day we met Tracy, we were two months and one day away from the baby’s due date!

Those two months were like no other two months I had ever lived in my entire life!

I was in awe of the miracle unfolding right before my very eyes.

Just one month ago I had been in the thick of an IVF cycle!

And now?

Now, I was preparing for the birth of my daughter in just a few short weeks!

Those days were surreal.

I spent a lot of time thinking back on my journey through infertility. It certainly was a journey and not something that defined who I was.

Infertility brought me to the lowest time of my life thus far. But God raised me up and brought me through those dark, scary valleys.

I was now standing on the mountaintop with God and I wanted His name to receive ALL the glory for what HE WAS DOING.

I think this blog helped me do that quite well! :)

I also spent a lot of time going back and reading my blog. I came across something that I had written in September 2008, after learning my second IUI had failed, that sent chills down my spine:

So on this 15th cycle of desiring greatly to be pregnant but finding out once again I am not, it is time to put my faith to action and live believing what God has taught me.

If God could mail me a letter I think it would say:

Dear Elaine,

I know today’s news greatly disappoints you. But please trust me. I am at work orchestrating a beautiful plan for you that is far greater than finding out today you are pregnant.

I love you,

Jesus

Seven months later, as I went back through my blog and found that, I realized I had written that during the very month Tracy conceived Little Bug! It was confirmation to me, and hopefully to everyone who reads this, that God is at work even when it seems nothing is going right!

During this time it was so nice to not have the stress of infertility treatments on me although going through the process of adoption has stresses of its own.

But after going through all I had gone through with treatments, I knew God had used those treatments to teach me about what it truly means to put my complete trust and faith in Him.

On April 20th, stressed out about adoption matters that I had absolutely no control over, I drew a picture in my journal of a pregnant woman. In her belly, I drew a tiny little baby girl. And then I drew the hand of God surrounding them, holding them.

And that is where I left them … in the Hands of God because I knew they were safe there.

Oh, but there were so many days when I just desperately wanted Little Bug to already be here, be mine and be in my arms!

I think I learned, even before I looked at my daughter’s sweet face for the first time, that she isn’t mine. She is a gift from God that He is entrusting me with.

At first I was scared about having so little time to prepare for her arrival, but as time went on, I saw that having to only wait two months was a tremendous blessing from the Lord!

Putting together a nursery for my baby and attending baby showers that were actually for me were some of the best days of my life. However, I did it somewhat guarded because I knew this baby wasn’t ours until Tracy signed her consent after the birth.

There was a fine line to walk and I think I walked it pretty well since I trusted God to finish the work He had started.

I enjoyed several heart to heart conversations with Tracy that helped compassion to grow in my heart for birth moms and their situations. I admired Tracy for choosing life for her baby despite others who wanted her to have an abortion.

Tracy invited me to several doctor’s appointments. At one appointment she told me she just doesn’t have motherly instincts. I pointed to her protruding belly and told her my body can’t get pregnant so we are a perfect match! She looked up at me, agreed and gave me her beautiful smile.

As stressful as it was to have contact with Tracy during those weeks, I am forever grateful I did.

Because now, when Little Bug asks me about her birth mother one day, I can tell her some wonderful things about the woman who gave her life.

to be continued…

Two Months???

My memory is foggy about what happened in the moments after K said those twenty words that changed my life forever.

I do remember thinking, What if I had gotten to the agency even 5 minutes later? I would have driven all that way just to find a locked door.

But I knew that while all the infertility treatment doors had been locked for us, it was time.

God was doing something amazing even though I could hardly think straight at the realization that I had literally just handed in my adoption paperwork and been told we could have a baby girl in two months!

My head came out of the clouds when I remembered I needed to tell Dave what was going on and see what he thought.

So at the first stop light I sent him this text:

do you want to be a daddy in june?

I can remember my mind swirling in every direction imaginable as I drove away from the agency.

Two months? Am I ready to be a mother in two months?

What are you talking about? You’ve been waiting for this for a lifetime. Of course you are ready!

But we have nothing for a baby! Nothing!

You can just get the essentials ready and worry about the rest later.

But TWO MONTHS??? And what about this birth mom? I know nothing about her!

I drove straight to my mom’s work. I walked in to her office in a state of complete amazement and told her the lawyer had said there was a baby we could have in June.

The next day the lawyer contacted me and told me she was on the way to the birth mom’s house to show her our profile. Before this match could be final, the birth mom had to choose us.

I was at work on pins and needles while I waited to hear back from the lawyer whether the birth mom liked us or not.

When the birth moms pick a family for their baby they are generally shown three Family Profiles and they pick the family they want to adopt their baby from those three profiles.

Later, I learned that when the birth mom’s original pick didn’t work out, she was asked if she wanted to reconsider the other profiles she had seen when she was first choosing an adoptive family for her baby.

The birth mom (Tracy) said she did not like any of those families.

And that opened the door for the agency to show her ours!

Tracy was very anxious to choose another family considering she was already 7 months pregnant.

Finally the phone rang and I answered. It was K.

“Well, she liked you all A LOT! Can you come to the office on Monday to meet her?”

I’ve said all along that God was involved in even the most intricate details of this adoption. At that time, I worked as a nanny two days a week for a family with beautiful twin daughters. Monday I was not working so I was able to say without hesitation or the hassle of trying to alter working schedules that we would be there on Monday to meet Tracy!

I also started asking K a TON of questions about the adoption process and about Tracy.

I quickly learned the walk to the finish line to have this little girl placed in our arms was going to be no walk in the park. I will just say it was indeed filled with many “Faith building moments”!

Out of respect for Tracy, I will not be writing specifics about her or her  situation on this blog, except for this one thing!

While talking to K on the phone one day about the situation I said, “Can you describe Tracy physically? If Dave and I have a child that has dark hair and dark eyes that will be fine but it would be nice if the child looked like she could have come from us, you know?”

K replied with a chuckle, “Elaine, this is why I felt from the start you were such a perfect match! She’s petite like you, you have the same hair color and same light complexion!”

So on April 13th, Dave and I went to the lawyer’s office where we met Tracy for the first time. We were all just a bag of nerves.

I was incredibly nervous knowing I was going to meet the woman who may or may not choose to give me the best gift in the whole wide world.

But Tracy walked in and you could tell she was nervous too. We sat together and discussed some things with the lawyer present.

At the end of the meeting, every one decided this was a perfect match.

to be continued…

A Baby Girl in June

April 9th, 2009, I got up early, ate some breakfast and headed to the adoption agency with the complete adoption paperwork and Family Profile in hand.

In a matter of about two weeks, we had completed every piece of paperwork required from the agency, gathered every document necessary and put together a beautiful Family Profile!

My friend from church who had also adopted from this agency, gave me the contact information for K. I was really hoping to put our paperwork in K’s hands that very day.

I drove to the agency and parked the car a few feet from the agency door.

As I was about to get out of the car a woman with a baby in a stroller was walking out the door.

When she started locking the door behind her I scrambled out of the car and ran up to meet her.

For twenty months I had wanted nothing more than to see 2 pink lines on a pregnancy test signaling to me that my dreams of motherhood were about to come true.

As I approached the woman locking the door, I had no clue I was moments away from discovering my dreams of motherhood were going to come true in a matter of a few short weeks.

I wasn’t about to see two pink lines on a pregnancy test but what was coming my way was going to be just as much a miracle of God!

“Can I help you?”, the woman asked me.

“I have my adoption paperwork complete and was hoping to give it to K today.”

“I’m K!! Are you Elaine?”

While thanking God I hadn’t missed her I said, “Yes!”

K proceeded to unlock the door, push her stroller back through the door and invited me to come in.

I handed her the paperwork and Family Profile and standing there in the middle of the office K said, “We had an adoption fall through this week. If you want a baby girl in June, you can have one!”

to be continued…