We had our IVF consult meeting in February 2009 and by the first of March I had started the stimulation process of IVF.
After a few days of stimulation I went in for the first ultrasound to monitor the follicles.
There was only one maturing follicle.
The doctor and nurses told me not to panic and that I just needed more stimulation and hopefully more follicles would grow.
My stimulation meds were increased and tons of people were praying for more follicles.
Sunday morning, March 8th, 2009, I walked into the doctor’s office and laid on the examination table like I had done hundreds of times before.
The ultrasound wand began to search for follicles, but there was nothing but a blank screen.
I lay there in silence; I knew what the screen should have looked like.
And finally, the doctor (not the one I always saw) gave me devastating news.
There was still only one follicle, who would later be known as The Lone Ranger.
Dr. F explained to me that a combination of several factors would most likely only yield 2 or 3 follicles for me, even when being stimulated as much as possible with IVF meds.
He told us we could try again, if we wanted, but to not expect more than three mature follicles.
Laying there I knew this was the end and I was terrified. It was on that table I learned the meaning of devastating.
Part of me wanted to try again. Part of me thought maybe Dr. L would have something different to tell me.
And then, like I did with every single decision we had to make concerning our next step of treatment while walking the road of infertility, I asked God what was next for us.
He replied with an answer I did not like.
He told me our time with treatments was up and He wanted us to pursue adoption.
I argued with Him for a time.
I asked Him, “But what about my dream that I’ve always had to experience pregnancy and childbirth? I want a child that is half me and half the man I love. I want to experience the miracle of life growing within my body.”
The only thing He replied back to me was, “TRUST ME.”
And so I surrendered those desires to Him and put my complete trust in Him. I believed with all my heart that His Plans were to prosper me and not to harm me, plans that would bring me hope and a future.
As soon as I surrendered my plans for His, I immediately felt a strong urgency to turn in our adoption paperwork as soon as possible.
We were praying God would perform a miracle with The Lone Ranger since we had converted our IVF cycle to our fifth attempt at IUI.
During that 2-week wait, I spent hour upon hour getting that paperwork ready to turn it into the adoption agency.
My mom helped me tremendously in getting our Family Profile, complete with pictures, ready to turn in.
My goal was to take the packet to the lawyer on April 7th, 8th, or 9th.
Around the end of March, we learned God had not performed a miracle with The Lone Ranger.
On April 3rd, the friend we had talked to about adoption back in January called me. She told me the adoption agency had four babies that were due between June and July but they had all been placed.
Then she told me that there was one adoptive family who may not be able to go through with the adoption and that baby may become available.
I didn’t really give that much thought and I certainly didn’t allow my heart to be even a little hopeful.
I knew that adoption was a lengthy process and I was prepared to do my fair share of waiting.
Mama and I finished the final touches on the Family Profile on April 8th. I was so excited to walk into the agency office and turn in our adoption paperwork the next day!
Even more excited was my Heavenly Father, I am sure!
He knew all the tears, all the disappointments, the pain and the sorrow were all for the very moment when I would walk into the adoption agency office and learn of the Something More God had planned for us all along.
I was about to learn that God’s Plan for my life is way bigger and way better than anything I could ever plan for myself!
to be continued…