We headed into our final cycle of IUI in October 2008 knowing that if this cycle didn’t work we wanted to stop treatment until the New Year. We do not want to be going through treatments during the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays.

We still feel this way after successful laporoscopy surgery to remove Stage 2 endometriosis. I talked to Dr. L briefly after my surgery but was still in a groggy state. So I am very anxious to talk to him at my post-op appointment on November 17th. The message is clear, though, that Dr. L successfully removed all the endometriosis and now my chances of pregnancy are very good. Even in my groggy state, I understood that much.

The past week I’ve spent recovering from surgery, I’ve had a lot of time to sit and contemplate and pray about what God is telling us our next step is.

We both feel at peace about taking a break on IUI treatments for November and December and doing our next treatment in January 2009 – if that is even necessary.

As I reflect back on the past year, there is no doubt in my mind that, if God Wills, He can and will allow conception to happen naturally before the New Year. I can, and already have started praying that this will be the beautiful masterpiece I have long awaited to see. I invite you to pray with me.

But three tiny words say it all. If God Wills …

And I can honestly say with more understanding than I have ever had in my entire life, because of the journey of this past year, that I desire more than anything, God’s Will.

Because in the past year, the greatest lesson God has taught me through this battle with infertility, is that God’s Plan is perfect, beautiful and always best.

5 days post-surgery makes a big difference!

The air pain is almost completely gone! Praise the Lord. That really was the worst in this whole ordeal. I’m moving a whole lot faster now but still need to take it easy as my insides are not completely healed.

I am so thankful to be here in the process of recovery!

I have an appointment with a nurse at Dr. L’s office for a “wound check” on Thursday.

Then, on November 17th, I will have a post-op appointment with Dr. L. I have about a thousand questions I want to ask him concerning endometriosis and the surgery. Plus, we will discuss where we will go next as far as treatments are concerned.

Dave and I have spent some time talking about where we feel God is leading us next. I will share more on that later …

Thank you again for all the prayers and support through this.

God is still at work, painting a beautiful masterpiece, that in time we will all see.

Taking that pain pill last night, right before going to bed, was the best thing I could have done!

Around 11pm I took the pill. By 11:30pm I was in the bed. Dave and I always pray together before going to sleep. Dave prayed and then it was my turn. I was already half-asleep and remember saying, "I’ll just pray in my mind." That’s the last thing I remember before waking up, expecting it to be the middle of the night. It was 8am! My head hit the pillow and I was out again until I finally woke up around 11:30am!

I can finally tell I am on the mend and it is a GREAT feeling. I’m able to move around better and can finally get myself in and out of this chair with no help.

I’m hoping by tomorrow or atleast Monday I’ll pretty much feel completely back to normal!

Thank you so much to everyone for your prayers and support through this. I appreciate the visits, phone calls, emails and comments so much.

God is speaking about what’s next for us but I haven’t been able to completely process everything enough to be able to put it into words. As soon as I am able, I will post what we feel God is desiring for us next so you too can pray in that direction. 

For now, just keep praying my body continues to heal and praise the Lord with me that all the endometriosis is GONE!

All the nurses and doctors were so good to me, this being my first ever surgery experience. It’s all a blur. They put the gas mask on and I entered another world and don’t remember a thing until I woke up and couldn’t understand where Dave, Mama and Angele had gone. It was then the nurse informed me, “You’re done! It’s all over!” I remember thinking, “I’m alive! I survived! Praise the Lord!”

It wasn’t too long and Dr. L was standing there beside the bed. He told me I did have Stage 2 endometriosis. He cleaned it all up and he said the prognosis for a future pregnancy is very good. Because Dr. L cut the endometriosis out, instead of burning it, he said the chances of endometriosis returning is slim.

I also had 2 small cysts removed from a fallopian tube. He said both tubes are “nice and normal”. The inside of the uterus is absolutely fine.

Once again, GOD HAS PROOVED HIMSELF FAITHFUL! Put your faith and trust IN THE LORD and He WILL carry you through ANYTHING! That is the lesson God has taught me through surgery.

I feel fine except that I am extremely sore. I had no reactions to the anesthesia.

Tonight, I thank God for putting Dr. L in my life. I think it is incredibly awesome that he could go into my body through 4 tiny little incisions, look around with a camera and take pictures (I can’t wait to see them! He said he’d show me!), diagnose endometriosis and then cut it out. All in 2.5 hours and all for the glory to be given right back to God.

Thank you so much for praying! Once again, your prayers have made all the difference in the world. I was nervous and probably shaking like a leaf, but in my heart, there was peace – God’s peace. And I attribute it to all the prayers. Pastor Paul and Judy Crosby came up the hospital to pray with me before surgery. It is such a comfort to know people were praying right there in my presence all the way to people praying in another country (Cristina and Marcio – my cousin and her husband)! I am also so grateful Mama had Angele and Elaine Matz to sit with while I was in surgery.

God is good – all the time. God certainly hears the prayers of his people.

Now please pray for a speedy recovery and a clear direction for our next step. (More on that when I am not so sore.)

I have to be at St. Luke’s Hospital at 8:20am tomorrow morning. Surgery is scheduled for 10:20am. Dr. L told me, depending on what is found, the surgery will be 1 to 3 hours.

I’ve tried not to think about it too much but at the beginning of this week I was thinking a lot. It’s just scary. I don’t want anything to happen to me and then Dave be left alone. I know the odds aren’t high in something happening but with surgery and anesthesia the risk is there, however slight it may be. And I just don’t like it.

Then I think about what may be found. Who knows what is in there!

Many decisions will follow the outcome of this surgery. More rounds of IUI? IVF? Stop treatments all together?

I don’t feel people who do IVF, or IUI for that matter, play God or go against the Will of God – unless they know in their heart God is saying no and yet they deliberately disobey and go through treatments. I believe God can use IUI or IVF to accomplish His Will and bring glory and honor to His name. Each person and circumstance is uniquely different. He may use IUI or IVF for one couple and not for another.

I believe discerning the Will of God is all about living life one day at a time with an attitude of surrender, service and obedience to God. I know so many times I’ve set out to “find God’s Will for my life” only to discover that as I live my life for Him, His Will is automatically played out in my life. I don’t have to go searching and “find it”.

I am trusting and believe that after surgery, when we have a clear picture of possible underlying issues we were not aware of before, God will clearly show us the next step and we will move forward from there.

My prayer now only needs to be that we will be obedient. Obedience is key. Without obedience to the Lord it is impossible to allow God’s Will to reign in your life. And without obedience it is not possible to receive the blessings God wishes to pour out on a life lived in obedience to Him.

And as far as all my worry and fear – that needs to be handed to the Lord. He will take care of me – and Dave – no matter what happens.

Please pray for me tomorrow! I am nervous and just want it to be behind us. Please pray for Dr. L as he performs the surgery. Pray that if there is anything abnormal found, Dr. L can take care of it right then and there. Pray the Lord will guide Dr. L’s hands. Pray for the anesthesiologist. Pray he gives me just the right amount and that there will be no side-effects.

And, as always, and most importantly, pray God will receive glory no matter the outcome of tomorrow.

He holds it all in His very capable hands.

I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. Phil. 4:13

I do not intend to stay down for long as I hate being “sick”. So, I hope to be back on the blog to give an update by the end of the day tomorrow.

THANK YOU FOR PRAYING ME THROUGH ANOTHER BUMP IN THE ROAD TO PARENTHOOD!!

I think I’ve been walking around in disbelief that what happened even happened. Sure I’ve been sad but I can’t allow myself to wallow in self-pity. However, I can’t help but continue to ask, “What was the purpose behind all that?”

Maybe, one day, God will clue me in.

Life does go on and I’ve even been able to find some humor in it and laugh about the whole ordeal.

Tomorrow’s a big day.

I meet with Dr. L at 9:00am to discuss this past crazy cycle and to talk about what’s next.

What’s next is scary for various reasons. But it is God who has brought us to this place. He could have chosen to allow the scenario of the past few days to end with finding out I was indeed pregnant after all. But, He did not. And so we move on from there with Him as our guide for whatever is next.

Be strong and courageous for the Lord your God will go with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9

Please pray:

1. Wisdom for Dr. L has he explains this last cycle and decides the best next step for us.

2. Discernment and peace from God for Dave and me to know where to go next.

Instead of taking Clomid this cycle, I am going to take another oral drug called Letrozole (Femara).

Dr. L asked if I wanted 3 or 5 days of menopur (shots). I chose 5.

We are hoping for 3 or 4 good follicles this month. If there are more than 4 follicles, the cycle will be canceled.

I am going this morning for the first ultrasound and will also receive the schedule for this cycle.

Cycle 4…here we come! Thanks for your continued prayers throughout this process. It means the world to us.

Everything looked great at today’s ultrasound. So we are on to cycle 3 (which is really cycle 2 since we never got to inseminate on cycle 1).

I received the schedule for Cycle 3 which I will post. This cycle will be the most aggressive yet as I am already starting Clomid today. I will also have double the amount of menopur (the drug that aids in multiple follicles growing) compared to last cycle. This just means instead of 1 vial per injection, it will be 2 vials.

Remember, this is all in the hopes that 2-3 follicles will actually mature to ovulation. This will increase our chance of pregnancy, but will also increase our chance of multiples.

I’ll also be posting specific prayer requests soon. We covet your prayers.

I thought it only appropriate to think back on the events of the past year since it was a year ago, this month, we first started trying to conceive. If you wish to go down “Memory Lane” with me…read on!

August 2007 … Life was good! Married three months ago, Dave and I decided this month would be a good time to start trying to conceive. I had read the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility and hoped, Lord willing, by at least December of that year, we would have wonderful news to share with our family and friends!

September 20, 2007 … In the wee hours of that morning, I got up knowing it was the first day I could take a pregnancy test. The past two-weeks or so had been spent daydreaming about how I would share the news with my family and friends. I did the test, took it into the closet so the light wouldn’t wake Dave up and waited the three minutes to hopefully see the two pink lines. There was only one. Not pregnant this month. There is always next month.

This process repeated itself four more times. Each month, I was so hopeful this would be the month. But each month my dreams died. But I’d always tell myself, “There is always next month.”

December came and went and there was still always only one pink line instead of two. I was hoping to be able to tell my family on Christmas Day we were pregnant. But instead, a few days before Christmas Day I tested and there was one pink line. Then on Christmas Day the test was confirmed negative when my period arrived.

By January we had been trying for six months and I knew something wasn’t quite right. The book I mentioned above said if you don’t conceive within six months of using the methods taught in the book, go see a doctor.

February of 2008 I went to see a holistic OB-GYN. Blood work was done on me and a semen analysis for Dave. When the results of those came back we were told it wouldn’t hurt to see a fertility specialist.

March 12, 2008 … We had our first meeting with Dr. L.

The rest of March and April were spent undergoing these tests and then waiting for results.

March is also when I started this blog. When life doesn’t go as you plan, I’ve learned it’s because God is up to something far greater than the issue at hand. I knew God was going to use these circumstances in my life to bring glory to His name and I wanted someplace to document the Hand of God at work in my life. I also wanted a tool to allow family and friends to pray and walk through with us on this journey.

April 23, 2008 … All tests results had arrived back in the hands of Dr. L and we were to meet him again in his office to go over the results and then discuss a treatment plan.

Bracing myself for the worst of news, we left the office that day with news that was far from devestating. In reading other infertility blogs, I have read about people who have a doctor say there is nothing they can do with their own eggs and sperm – they will have to use donor eggs and sperm.

Our diagnosis was simple compared to a diagnosis like that. Because of my very mild case of polysistic ovaries and Dave’s mild low count/low motility, Dr. L suggested we do IUI (intrauterine insemination).

August 2008 … Life is still good. Would I choose this for myself? Absoultely not! I would not choose countless nights of crying and wondering, “When will it ever be MY turn?” I would not choose having to go through fertility treatments because they drain you physically and emotionally. I would not choose to feel this pain.

But I know my weaknesses are made perfect through God’s strength. I know the promise of Jeremiah 29:11. I know my life’s purpose is to bring glory to His Name. I know God has placed within me a great desire to mother many children. I know God is at work. And I know His People are praying.

And that brings me peace.

Praise the Lord!

Our Treatment Plan is to start with IUI, which is the less invasive, less expensive procedure! Because Dave’s second semen analysis came back much better than the last one, Dr. L said we are good candidates for IUI.

I will take Clomid to make my ovaries produce 2 to 3 eggs (any more than that and we are at a higher risk of multiples). Then at the time of ovulation Dave’s sperm will be placed in my uterus. I will be on birth control (oddly enough) so that my cycle is programmed to the textbook 28-day cycle. When doing IUI, timing is the key factor in conception taking place. A 28-day cycle will allow for optimal timing. A nurse from the office will be contacting me so we can begin the first cycle!

Dr. L suggested we do 3 cycles of IUI first. If after 3 cycles of IUI I am not pregnant, Dr. L said we would reevaluate the Treatment Plan and only then would we consider IVF.

At this point in the journey, I am not even going to think about IUI not working and having to go to IVF. I’m not being naive because I know all the stats of IUI and IVF. I’m just a girl who for 8 months now has longed to see 2 pink lines on the pregnancy test instead of one. I’m the girl who has cried month after month mourning the death of yet another dream to finally one day be pregnant. It’s been a dark, dark road and I see IUI as a gift from God and not something to fret over and be afraid won’t work.

I am going to just pray, and I ask that you join me in praying, that 3 cycles or less of IUI will be all it takes! My goal is to get as many people as possible praying. We have a plaque hanging on our wall in the living room that says “PRAYER CHANGES THINGS”. I believe that with all my heart.

To God be the glory. Great things He has done AND WILL DO!