They were not chosen.
Please say an extra prayer for Brooke and Mike tonight.

Today is the day Brooke and Mike should find out if they will be chosen to parent this baby.

They should know something by 5pm.

Please pray for them as they wait and please pray for God’s will to be done in the life of Brooke and Mike and this precious baby.

Sweet Pea is having a rough night.

Dave does her 11pm feed and around 1am I heard her screaming so I got up to see what was going on.

Gas pain, burps, poots, spit up, restlessness, the whole nine yards….after her 11pm feed.

It’s now past 2pm and I’m laying in bed with my mind rolling while Dave gives her another feed since nothing else we are doing is helping.

Dave had the Zantac in his hand ready to give her at 1am when he was at his wits end. I stopped him because I really do see Dr. M’s point.

I feel in my gut this is a sensitivity issue and not necessarily a reflux issue because it all lines up to Sweet Pea’s exposure to methadone for 6 months while in the womb. It has torn her stomach up and…either probiotics will help rebuild whatever has been damaged or Sweet Pea will need a prescription formula.

The only way to know is…time. She needs to be just on probiotics for a solid week to see if there are any improvements. If not, we try Zantac for a week. If still no improvement, Sweet Pea gets the prescription formula.

I know what my Sweet Pea needs.

She needs what God has created mothers to provide for their infants: breastmilk.

I know it’s crazy to even say this but I feel I have failed Sweet Pea because I can’t provide her with this. I know it can be induced but, seriously, do you think the body that can’t even produce a viable egg would be able to produce breastmilk?

I think not.

I know you can buy milk from a breastmilk bank, but money doesn’t grow on trees.

So, we move on from these thoughts and…I just feel in my gut she needs this prescription formula.

I could be wrong, I could be right.

Only time will tell.

Until then, there are probably many more sleepless nights in our future.

This too shall pass, right?

It’s hard to not be angry tonight.

Angry that my baby was exposed to drugs in the womb.

Had she been in my womb….she wasn’t….so I might as well not even entertain those thoughts.

It is what it is but I do HATE seeing an innocent baby suffering.

Dr M said we would be able to get to the bottom of this. I believe her.

I’m just going to need the strength of the Lord to get us there!

I’m the one crying now.

For the past two hours Sweet Pea has been having one of her “reflux spells”.

It’s now 5am and I know it is pointless to try and sleep because by the time I finally get to sleep this place will be hopping. Atleast that is how it was last night…they pretty much left me alone until 6ish.

I got nowhere yesterday as far as getting Sweet Pea on a reflux med. Dr told me yesterday this is a “developmental thing” and she will “outgrow” it.

If we end up here for the next week, I’m going to have to ask her why there are reflux meds if babies just have to outgrow it?? I know several babies who have been on a reflux med and it has helped them with the reflux.

I don’t want to see Sweet Pea like this multiple times a day and I can’t keep this up of loosing sleep.

So, basically….I’m not stopping here with my quest to get Sweet Pea on a reflux med.

Why does everything have to be a battle???

I can tell this hospital business is wearing on me. I hate hospitals.

But at the same time, I love hospitals because if it wasn’t for hospitals Sweet Pea would have probably not made it after birth without the medical intervention she received.

But man, I am ready to leave this place and the thought of another whole week here is enough to make me cry tonight.

Oh well…it is what it is but oh how I pray that doctor comes in tomorrow bearing good news that we can GO HOME.

Then maybe I could get somewhere with my pedi concerning reflux meds.

I just simply want to have a trial run with Sweet Pea on a med to see if I notice a difference in her comfort level/fuzziness.

Guess I will try to snooze before it becomes Grand Central Station in here come shift change.

It is Sunday morning.

I had planned to get out of the house this morning and simply attend small group at church and then come straight home.

Instead, I am laying in a hospital with Sweet Pea nuzzled beside me after not sleeping a wink last night. (Me. Not her, thankfully!)

And, once again, I am waiting.

Waiting to find out what, if anything, is in my baby’s blood.

You better believe last night after I witnessed my 18 day old baby get a spinal tap, and be pricked countless times before the 5th attempt at an IV was finally a success, that I had a talk with God that definitely consisted of me asking Him, “Why? Why after everything Sweet Pea has gone through and is going through, does she now have to go through all this?”

Moments before her spinal tap she was sleeping cozily against me, swaddled tight.

The doctor came in and told me to lay Sweet Pea on the ER bed. I carefully walked to the bed and as I was laying her down I was reminded of Abraham laying his son on the alter as a sacrifice and then God sparing His life and using a Lamb as a sacrifice instead.

I laid Sweet Pea down and then the doctor told us only one of us could stay and she suggested I leave and let Dave stay.

They put a chair for me out in the hallway.

I sat down.

I heard Sweet Pea cry. Dave stuck his head out and asked for a Paci.

I quickly found one and knew this was my ticket back in there.

I walked to the door, Paci in hand, and told Dave, “I have to be with her through this.”

He left and I entered.

I cried through the whole procedure right along with her. It was horrifying.

Later that night as I would attempt sleep I would close my eyes and immediately go back to those horrific moments of my baby screaming bloody murder and me not able to do anything to help her. I would close my eye and see that needle in her back that looked almost as big as she is (I know it wasn’t) and her little body being held at an arch by the hands of the nurse. And the screams. Relentless screams.

This morning I am reminded of something through that experience.

Just as I HAD to be with Sweet Pea through that, Jesus HAS to be with me through whatever I go through because He has promised in His Word that He will never forsake me.

As we wait to hear if Sweet Pea does have bacteria in her blood, He is here.

He’s not going anywhere. Just like I am not going any further than the bathroom from my Sweet Pea.

Writing from my phone so this will be brief.

Spinal tap = no baby should EVER have to go through that.

SP will not remember that but those 10 minutes will forever be in my memory. Horrible. And that doesn’t even begin to describe it.

We are finally in a room. SP is already on antibiotics as if there is an infection. Blood cultures will take 24ish hours to come back so we can really know what is going on.

Hopefully there is no infection and we are sent home.

Please pray for us. Pray for health, peace and rest tonight.

SP is about to have a spinal tap.

Please pray!!!!

It is torcher seeing my baby go through this.

Then after spinal tap another nurse will make a second attempt to get an IV started. First attempt failed.

I feel pretty weak right now but God is my strength.

Nurse just called from ER saying there is a possibility of bacteria in Sweet Peas bld.

Will draw bld and recheck.

This is all I know at this time.

Please pray.

Levels were 8.4.

Praise the Lord no transfusion needed tonight!

Follow up with pedi on Monday.

As one of my friends just said…God’s got this precious baby in His hands.

Sweet Pea’s blood work from Monday came back low today.

At discharge on Thursday her levels were 10.2. On Monday they had dropped to 8.2. So the pedi called me tonight around 6pm saying she had finally gotten the results and Sweet Pea needed to go to ER for a blood draw to check her levels tonight.

So here we are. Blood has been drawn and we are waiting for results.

Pedi said if the levels have dropped any further Sweet Pea will need another blood transfusion.

Please pray for little Sweet Pea.