I was the little girl who grew up dreaming of the day she would get married and have a baby. And then another. And another. And another. Four children, three years apart each.
Yep. I am a planner.
I had my plans. God had His.
And over the past almost three years, God has done immeasurably more than I could have ever dreamed, just like His Word promises in Ephesians 3:20.
August 2007 was the beginning of this incredible journey.
Married for three months, my husband and I decided to start trying to conceive. It was my hope that we would be pregnant in time to make a Christmas Morning pregnancy announcement (another one of my lifelong dreams).
Month after month it just wasn’t happening. I knew something was wrong and we made an appointment with a fertility specialist in March of 2008.
Three IUIs later, and we still were not pregnant.
In November of 2008, I had surgery which revealed that I had Stage 2 Endometriosis. The endo was excised and my RE was very hopeful that we would now, finally, be able to achieve pregnancy.
No one, not even my RE, was prepared for what happened next.
In March of 2009, we did our very first IVF cycle.
March 8th, 2009, is a day that is forever imprinted in my memory. It was the day my dreams of pregnancy died.
Laying on an examination table at the doctor’s office, we learned that even after aggressive stimulation, my ovaries had only produced one lone egg for this IVF cycle.
That was the darkest day by far of my journey through infertility. I knew on that day I would most likely never experience pregnancy and give birth to a child who was biologically half me and half the man I love.
Our story does not end here, however.
December of 2008, as we were in the middle of surgery recovery and seeking God as far as what our next step would be, God opened our hearts to adoption.
On January 10th, 2009, God gave me this poem:
Our miracle has come.
Not in my womb, but in our hearts.
We are going to adopt!
Baby is on the way!
She will be here in the month of May!
At this time, we felt God wasn’t closing the door to a biological child yet. We thought we would do IVF, have a biological child and then adopt the rest of our children to make our family complete.
When that IVF cycle turned out the way it did, it crushed me to my very core.
I knew in the depths of my heart that God was still near. I knew He was at work although from outward appearances, it seemed my world was falling apart.
Laying on that examination table in the RE’s office on March 8th, 2009, I knew God was saying we were done with infertility treatments and it was time to immediately move to adoption.
Within three weeks we put together a family profile to turn into the adoption agency, completed the necessary paperwork to start the adoption process and on April 9th, 2009, I drove to the adoption agency to personally place everything in the hands of the lawyer.
I had no idea that I was going to leave the adoption agency on that very same day with the news that an adoption had fallen through just a week ago and, if we wanted, we could have a baby girl due to be born in June!
I left the adoption agency simply in awe of our mighty God and the promises found in His Word.
In my darkest hour, God was still at work. All along He had a marvelous plan, and as I would soon recognize, God’s plan was better and bigger than my wildest dreams.
I dreamed of pregnancies (four, to be exact) while God’s Plan was Something More.
Forty-eight days after I left the adoption agency, I witnessed the birth of my daughter.
She wasn’t born in the month of June, by the way.
She was born in the month of May!
Little Bug is everything I dreamed in a daughter and more. There are simply no words to describe just how much I love my little girl.
I thank God that adoption was God’s plan to grow my little family.
I would not change a thing. Not a single thing.
And, once again, our story does not end here.
In December of 2010, we received a phone call from our lawyer telling us that our daughter’s birth mother, Tracy, was pregnant again and wanted to place the baby with us.
We were shocked at the news but thrilled that our daughter would have a biological sibling.
I was humbled that God would grant me one of my lifelong dreams. Discovering Tracy was pregnant just twelve days before Christmas gave me the opportunity to make a Christmas Morning “pregnancy announcement” to my family!
Our family received a copy of this picture on Christmas Morning:
The words on the picture said, "Mama’s not pregnant! But someone else is! July 2011"
On January 24th, 2011, weird things started happening. We began to wonder if Tracy was indeed pregnant.
After a week of trying to get to the bottom of what was really going on, we learned that either Tracy was never pregnant or had been pregnant but miscarried and was trying to see how far she could go.
During that week, I have never felt the presence of God stronger in my life. He carried me through that time and His hand of protection was ever-present.
On March 8th, 2011, a friend of mine sent me a text asking me if we would be interested in an adoption situation from her lawyer, Susan, who had done her son’s adoption the year before.
We decided that we would pursue the situation and learned we would be one of about 3-4 different families that this birth mother would choose a family for her baby from.
April 20th, 2011, Susan called us and told us that the birth mother had chosen to not place her baby through Susan.
May 2nd, 2011, I called my lawyer, Emily, who had done Little Bug’s adoption to tell her that we were officially ready to start the adoption process again for #2.
Emily started telling me of a birth mother she had just started working with the previous week.
During a conference call with Emily on May 3rd, the details surrounding this situation we had been involved with at Susan’s office was strangely similar to the details surrounding this situation.
During the conference call I turned to Dave and mouthed the words, This has got to the same girl!!
On May 12th we were officially matched with this woman, Melody!
Several weeks later, our lawyer talked to Susan and found out that Melody was in fact the birth mother Susan had been working with up until the end of April!
We know that the events surrounding our match with Melody are nothing short of another miracle from God as He builds our family through the miraculous blessing of adoption.
God used these recent events to teach me that GOD is in control, not me!
As I waited and waited while we were working with Susan to find out if we would be chosen by this birth mother or not, God impressed upon my heart that if this child was the child God intended to place in our family she would choose us.
Little did I know what God was up to!
God’s ways are higher and bigger than our ways.
Throughout the summer it was unclear as to exactly when Melody was due but Sweet Pea was born on August 2nd, 2011, weighing 6lbs. 5oz.
Life since August of 2007 has been filled with pain, sorrow, heartache, disappointments and the greatest joys I have ever known as we have walked this road.
But you know what?
God has been faithful through it all.
Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
God has taken my infertility and, as only He can do, He has made beauty from ashes.
When you are going through something like infertility, it is so easy to ask why.
God knit my body together in my mother’s womb. He placed a strong desire in my heart to be a mother and He allowed me to be infertile.
I am lacking nothing though because what Satan meant for evil, God meant for good.
That dream I carried around with me since childhood?
God simply had Something More planned and I am forever grateful.
I thank God for all He has done, is doing and will do in the future.
It’s all for His Glory.